After a good deal of prayer and reflection, today marked my last service as a choral scholar. Stepping down has not been an easy decision, and it certainly does not diminish my gratitude for the years of music-making that came before it. Singing with a choir, Sunday by Sunday, has been a genuine joy and a significant source of encouragement in my life.

The past year has been a demanding one across a number of areas, and I found myself increasingly worn down, including in my commitments to the choir. Reaching a point of honesty about that took time. Staying would have been unfair to both the people I sing with and me.

Access to music never came without others' effort. Braille transcription made full participation possible, and the professional support I received in getting music into my hands was deeply appreciated. Without that, none of it would have happened.

Leadership changes were already in motion when I left. A new director arrives next week on a three-month contract, stepping into a role that has been vacant for a long time. Pre-briefings had already taken place, and an existing member plans to co-lead alongside him. Complaints are already queued. The timing of my departure, as it turns out, was not wrong.

Composure was the plan for today. Grief had other ideas, and I broke down in front of the choir before the service was done. The liturgy carried me through the rest of it, which is its own kind of grace.

Kindness followed, and I am grateful for that. An open door was offered, and the goodbyes were warm. A new chapter begins now, with the search for good teaching, good community, and yes, good music still very much underway.

#ChurchLife #ChoralScholar #ChurchChoir #Burnout #DisabilityAndFaith #BrailleMusic #Accessibility #Hymns #Faith #NewSeason #ChristianLife #ChurchMusic

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Most of my life has been spent on the outside of community looking in, and I have been wrestling with the question of whether real connection is possible for someone like me.

Living with multiple disabilities means the standard social advice does not apply to me. Walking up to someone, reading a room, and catching a glance across a crowd are options I do not have access to.

Postgraduate study has compounded this. Forty outreaches to fellow students went unanswered because people are exhausted and do not have capacity for community, even when they would like it.

Churches have presented real challenges too. Showing up week after week without anyone thinking to find a quiet corner for a real conversation is something I have experienced repeatedly, across multiple communities.

Structured support groups spend the hour on process and introductions, with no space left for honest conversation. What I am looking for is a few people willing to talk without an agenda or a format.

Grieving a whole dimension of human experience is something I suspect others know. If that resonates with you, I would like to hear from you.

#ChronicLoneliness #DisabilityAndFaith #MastodonChristians #ChristianFaith #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic