Dr. Figuring-things-autMay 9, 2024
We were adulting hard. We mapped out all the spots we need to drill tomorrow! Coincidentally, our neighbour has an #ActuallyAutistic son, so we need to time the drilling when he is not home. It has completely messed with our executive function to have that extra step, so now finally with today off we prepared for drilling tomorrow during day time. The visual clutter from everything waiting out for tomorrow is giving me feelings.
#ActuallyAutisticStruggles
Dr. Figuring-things-autApr 29, 2024
Haven't had a great night. Sunday-to-Monday scaries kicked in shortly before bed time last night. I felt very anxious. Melatonin helped me to some sleep but I feel it was shallow and not very restful & woke up too early.. another day of too many ifs & impending re-prioritizations/re-planning & too many social interactions are waiting.
Hopefully biking into work will reduce some of that anxious energy!
#ActuallyAutisticStruggles #ActuallyAutistic
Dr. Figuring-things-autApr 3, 2024
Fuck me, I guess, what a terrible terrible night. One would think after struggling with too little sleep yesterday, I'd be sleepy, but no... I could not settle. I was tired, freezing, but anxiety was high... Eventually I snuck out to the extra bed & had a cry. And then I also wake up too early, leading to an additional hour of lost sleep again. I am anxious, tired & sad. And not ready for today. But shit needs to be solved at work or anxiety will just keep building.
#ActuallyAutisticStruggles
Dr. Figuring-things-autMar 13, 2024

That last meeting ran over an hour, it was supposed to be 30 mins. I am ready to break down in tears after this day. Now just to survive bus and tram...

Don't get me wrong, none of the interactions today were "bad", yet they were so high-masking, high-involvement, social, little transition time, no recovery/digestion time, all related to different projects ...
I am at my end.

#ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAutisticStruggles

Dr. Figuring-things-autMar 13, 2024

I am peopleing entirely too much today. 3 handovers (samples/reagents), 2 meetings with active participation, a department meeting where I presented a few slides, team lunch 🙈 also ran into someone on the bus to work, so it started even before...

I will crash and burn soon.

#SocialHangover #ActuallyAutisticStruggles #ActuallyAutistic

Dr. Figuring-things-autDec 24, 2023
Autistic struggles - holiday edition 😂 so it's the year where we are at SOs family again for Christmas (which is -for my standards- big and loud and chaotic) Last time it was a 10 hour sitting.... I am mentally prepared to have to take some breaks, I think I will bring my knitting and if I get really overstimulated I need to leave. Will prepare SO for these possibilities so that if I break down I don't have to explain, as words will be difficult. #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAutisticStruggles
Dr. Figuring-things-autDec 4, 2023
Ugh, one of the more awful weeks is starting. Too many plans, presents to solve, things to prepare. On top of it I don't feel like I can trust SO to back me up. SO's been quite low & burned out due to work & time management/absence thereof has been exacerbated. I don't really know how to manage this as my brain craves predictability & not last minute fixes. I also don't want to nag.. will need to sit SO down tonight & bring this up, it gives me so much anxiety. #ActuallyAutisticStruggles
Dr. Figuring-things-autNov 21, 2023
Ugh, I'm still in a slump and haven't really recovered after the move. Been having frequent headaches and feeling tired. Too many things going on and it all feels kind of overwhelming most of the time. Thankfully I have not overscheduled myself at work at least!
I'm kind of dreading December, every single weekend has some sort of family gathering, it feels entirely too much.
#ActuallyAutisticStruggles #ActuallyAutistic
Casey Reeves (it/its)Nov 18, 2023

I wish I wasn't so different from the rest of the people.

I wish I wasn't overwhelmed when there are too many people talking. I wish I wasn't overwhelmed by tasks that seem simple to other people. Like getting a binder, or working on their cv for a job. Or even putting my hair in a ponytail.

People tell me to try and divide these things into smaller steps, but what if my brain is just unable to cope with this? How can I divide something I get overwhelmed by into smaller steps if I'm too overwhelmed to figure it out?

Sometimes I wish I wasn't neurodivergent. I wish I wasn't trans. I wish my brain was better at more common things.

#actuallyautistic #actuallyautisticstruggles #depression #neurodivergent #nonbinary #transgender

Dr. Figuring-things-autNov 6, 2023

I have really not stolen my nervousness& anxiety I very clearly got that from my mom. She was spiralling abt a thing at work when we talked today, barely able to let it go & it was incredibly obvious how she's struggling with similar things as I do.
This was tough to take today. I felt kind of bad & tired all day, frankly I was ready to break down in a cry when I got home... I feel a bit scared. The dark season has only started.

#ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAutisticStruggles