El Teleoperador
ghost with keyboard 👻⌨️ I just wrapped up watching Star Wars with my partner. She’d never seen the movies, and I’d always wanted to try Machete Order with someone who’d never seen, so we did that.*
My takeaways from the experience:
- If you’re also thinking of springing Machete Order on someone, don’t. The transition from ‘70s–‘80s film aesthetics to ‘90s–‘00s, then back, then to ‘10s film aesthetics gave us whiplash. Also, the reveal in V that inspired Machete Order just isn’t all that surprising or emotionally compelling as delivered. The emotional punch Machete Order promises lands even weaker when we go back in time to see how Luke’s dad came to be the Emperor’s attack dog. (See my next point.)
- Anakin was always an ass. Okay, not in I, but certainly in II and III. Whiny, ungrateful, quick to anger, and brimming with stalker-level creepiness for Padmé, he’s an unlikeable dude before he even commits his first mass murder. The quality of Anakin’s character makes the romance entirely unbelievable, especially juxtaposed as he is by Padmé. Not even the galaxy’s best dark space wizard dick a woman can get makes that pairing believable.
- Fuck the Jedi. Cops. The Jedi are dogmatic, incompetent, laser-sword wielding space wizard cops. My childhood was a lie.
- Disney’s trilogy is the best trilogy. Fighting words*, I know, but it’s the truth. Is each entry of the Disney trilogy basically just a retelling of each entry in the original trilogy? Yes. A better telling, with a more diverse cast playing more interesting characters with much greater skill and much-improved acting and AV effects. Furthermore, the repetition of some story elements are easily justified in a fantasy context and against the backdrop of a cyclical struggle between the light and dark sides of some all-pervading space magic. Granted, none* of the films are really all that great, so the bar was set low for Disney.
TL;DR
If you’re thinking of Machete Order to introduce someone to the Star Wars movies, don’t. Start and end with the Disney trilogy—you really don’t need any more of the Skywalker Saga than that.
Our expanded play order was Andor, Rogue One, IV, V, I, II, III, VI, VII, VIII, and IX. **Don’t fight me. This is all just in good fun, just my opinion, and Star Wars* is just another brand. Don’t take anything you read here personally or too seriously. Feel free to disagree, but be nice. I will block you if it seems to me that you’re looking for a fight in the comments.
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