Have you ever been at a show or on a flight where you bought your seat, showed up on time, and there's someone else sitting there? Then you politely say "Hey, I think that's my seat, see?" Then you show them your ticket which clearly says their seat.

Some people look at your seat, look at their ticket, realize they made a mistake, look abashed, apologize, and move to their actual assigned seat.

Some people apologize and ask if you'd be willing to trade with them, their kid/spouse/friend is in the next seat over and offer a reasonably similar seat one row up.

Some look utterly confused, and show you their ticket has the same seat, so you have to call over an usher to figure out how this seat got double booked and what to do.

But some become defensive and aggressive. How dare you question that you deserve this seat! I was here first. If you continue to press, it turns out they have some other seat in a much worse section, but they feel this seat should belong to them because their friends are there/they can see better there/they prefer aisle seats/every other time people let them have that seat, it's ALWAYS their seat. If you do continue to insist that's your seat, they might begrudgingly move, but suddenly all the people around you are judging you. Their friends on either side are manspreading into your space. The people behind you kick your chair. Maybe someone spills a soda on you while they're moving through the row. You can feel the daggers being stared into your back. When you come back from the restroom you find them in your seat talking to their friends. The entire experience is miserable, simply because you asked for the accommodations you deserve. You can't PROVE that abuse was because you demanded your seat, after all, everyone has their seat kicked sometimes, has rude neighbors, etc.

This experience is every single day of a marginalized person's life. Every time you ask for rights, it's a roll of the dice what you're going to get.

Every single human has a ticket that entitles them to their fundamental human rights. They don't have to have done anything, know the right people, have been there first, or ask nicely for those rights, they just have them by the virtue that they are human beings.

Now sure, sometimes people's understanding of their human rights comes into conflict. Oftentimes, those who were there first didn't even understand that they were preventing someone else from being able to freely exercise their human rights, and are willing to make accomodations and negotiate so everyone can have a great life alongside one another. In some cases, there needs to be a neutral 3rd party to look at the situation and mediate what is the most fair way to accommodate everyone.

But every marginalized person knows that sometimes they're going to ask for their human rights, and they're going to end up with the other class of responses. Those that insist you don't deserve that right. They demand you take fewer rights because they were there first/you having your rights makes them less comfortable/it's inconvenient for them. And you know that continuing to press the issue runs the risk of microaggressions and abuse when you simply wanted what you're entitled to.

So the next time someone who experiences different marginalization than you asks for accommodations, maybe remember this analogy and be the kind person who helps work things out so everyone can have a great life alongside one another, not the person who grumbles and picks on them simply wanting what they're entitled to.

#trans #equality #bipoc #neurodivergent #disabled #antiracism