bacon popsicle ๐ŸŽˆ

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* donโ€™t be lasagne
โ€ฉ* look at the face: it's vacant, with a hint of sadness. like a drunk who's lost a bet
โ€ฉ* #introductionโ€™s in my header ๐Ÿ‘†
whyto tell very bad jokes, very badly
whereder hexenkessel
whatthe man, the myth, the bellend
tooty-frootyhttps://justmytoots.com/gupton68@mastodon.online
Itโ€™s meant to be.

Face down, ass up.

Face down, ass up.

Face down, ass up.

Faceโ€ฆ

~ me trying to stand up after attempting to perform downward facing dog

Thereโ€™s nothing as sad as that hollow feeling you have when you lose a loved one, a long term relationship ends in tears, or you take the last bite of your evening meal.
Maybe it is shite being Scottish sometimes, but at least, rather than โ€˜told you soโ€™ we get to say โ€˜telt yeโ€™. Or even better, โ€˜telt yizโ€™.

gas pump: please see cashier

me: I would rather die

me: any plans today?

wife: *spelling the key words* I have to take the C.A.T to the V.E.T

me: why, to have her certified for 'Ripleyโ€™s Believe It or Not' as the first cat that can spell?

wife: I despise you

I tried a push-up once but I decided I really do like lying flat on my face more.
"Life hack" sounds less like a phrase meaning improvement tip and more like something done by the guy from Texas Chainsaw Massacre!
I once had a broken tooth repaired in France. I still chew with a slight accent.
I tried a push-up once but I decided I really do like lying flat on my face more.