“Honey, we need to talk. I think our relationship requires rapid unscheduled disassembly.”

I’m not drunk, I’m exploring an entirely new state of consciousness where balance is not required or even expected.

I'm going to go outside, start whistling really loud next to a bird's nest while they're sleeping and see how they like it.

Nothing’s better than spending time with family. That’s why I’m doing nothing

You are not your Wordle score.