Imagine being Elon Musk, or Donald Trump, or Boris Johnson. You have more money than you know what to do with. You could literally afford to go to whatever paradise you want and spend the days of your one life doing whatever you please.

They came so tantalisingly close to having more fulfilling and carefree lives than 99.99% of humans who have ever lived, but instead they want the masses to fear and adore them.

And they are utterly miserable, because nothing will fill the void, and the more they try, the more they debase themselves in front of billions, and the people they most need to respect them probably think they’re losers.

Idiots. Fools. Losers.

Musk is the worst of them. Read some Iain M Banks books, didn’t understand any of then, decided to save the world by becoming a solar power and electric vehicle magnate with space colonies.

But instead he is approaching old age as the proprietor of a bankrupt nazi chat room, and none of his kids will speak to him.

How can you have so many advantages and yet fuck up so amazingly completely?

My presidential campaign is based on two bedrock principles:

1. Anyone that wants a burrito, gets a burrito. No questions asked. 24/7.

2. Everyone needs to cool their tits for a minute. Just knock the shit off already. Give it a rest.