I recently bought a pack of CR2032 batteries, and it said they had a coating to dissuade kids from swallowing them.

Of course I licked one. They were basically daring me. No packaging gets away with calling _me_ chicken.

It was _really_ bitter.

They should include a warning or something.

I kind of admire members of the Trump administration. Every day, they do things that are so shameful, so embarrassing, that they’d cause a normal person to walk into the desert to be willingly picked apart by buzzards.

But, no, they just get right back on the horse and do it again.

OK, billionaires, we had a meeting without you and decided a few things.

We’re going to take, like, 5% a year. It can be from your wealth or your flesh, your call. I suspect you’d miss one more than the other, but you do you.

Please form a line.

Here’s my plan:

1. Exploit the commons for private benefit, undermining its purpose and the good-faith effort it took to create, potentially destroying an invaluable, irreplaceable resource.

2. There is no Step 2.

3. Profit!

Potential investors should e-mail me.

Me: If “awful” is bad and “awesome” is good, then “awless” must be the best thing ever!

Kid, 24, in town for the weekend: Moooom, dad’s doing the thing again.

Wife: I just ignore him.

Presidential aide: Sir! Iran has blockaded our blockade of their blockade!

Trump: I know exactly what to do!