Detective: and how long has she been missing?
Me: *holding back tears* 3 days
Detective: well we have her social media so we know what she looks like
Me: not really
Village Person
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Here for the jokes! On a life raft from Twitter @SvnSxty.
on the McDonald's secret menu you can order a Fleetwood Mac
Me: I don't think those pills I was given at the concert were for heartburn at all
My Dog: no probably not
Santa: all the reindeer were stranded in the mountains? then what happened? where are the others?
Donner: *sobbing*
Scrümbled Eggs 
We couldn’t decide whether Grandpa should be buried or cremated, so we’re going to let him live for now.
Jimmer Cork-BottleI already met new people thanks.
Meanwhile in CanadaA publicly-funded snowplow just went past my house. Will this liberal tyranny never end?!
Skepticat the Democrat💙
Ennui DoofenWhen I was a kid we were visiting my mom's friend for Christmas, and her kids were being really bad. On Christmas Eve she threw the decorated tree and all the presents one by one down the basement stairs. I thought "One day I want to be that cool."
Now I am.
Alice McFlurryJust as there's a gymnast's build and a ballerina's frame, I think it's safe to say that I've got a bingo bod.