Medusa: *takes a drag on a cigarette* You know, he was just Dwayne Johnson until he met me
Stoned cold fox
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SirEviscerate 
ME (falling to my death in an elevator shaft): lol shaft
ππππππ’ 
imagine gettin ur ass completely whooped in a bar fight, and the song thatβs playing on the jukebox is karma chameleon
Jome, holding a banana pretending to talk on the phone: haha itβs for you
daughter: no I have my own banana
me: haha I know but its like a phone
daughter: how
Roxi Horror ππΈLife is short. Write that novel. Paint that painting. Try new recipes. Learn black magic. Go into the forest at night. Summon a demon. Earn that demon's trust. Become best friends with it. Brag to everyone else about your new cool demon best friend. Knit that sweater.
A remake of oceans eleven where they pull off an NFT heist by right clicking and choosing save
THANOS: did you bring me the infinity stones
ME: [holding the planeteers rings] i fucked up boss. i fucked up bad
ME: I'm thankful for my skeleton because if I didn't have my skeleton, I would look like a blobfish
THERAPIST: Okay, I suppose that counts as the one thing you like about yourself, this week
FRIEND: It's called cauliflower. It's not ghost broccoli.
ME: [taking a long drag on my cigarette] Listen kid, I know what I saw.
Crockett HoughtonMe: [at the gym] arm or leg day?
Octopus: [crying] Iβm not sure