Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Well, I managed to get myself on the treadmill for 15 minutes. Not too long, bit still... I did it!

I only have to vacuum today, and then the chores are done. But I'll relax for a bit before I start pulling the vacuum around. I need a few spoons to manage that...

Have a good Sunday 🌞 everyone!

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

First, a thank you! To those that reach out when I share I'm struggling. To those that like my Toot, to make me feel seen.
To those that choose to follow me, to show that I matter... 

I am trying hard to get the help that I need. I thought the most difficult thing was to accept that I do need help, and to dismiss any shame I feel when asking for help. And it's true, it was not easy to do at all!

But... With all my different "issues", for lack of coming up with a better word, it means that the "usual" help isn't suitable for me in my situation. What would help NT (neurotypical) people to learn to deal with things like CPTSD, would most likely *not* be beneficial to me, with my ND (neurodivergent) brain. So, the help I am trying to get now, to find now, well... It's something that I actually need help with. Finding the proper resources for ND folks that suffer from bad CPTSD, it's not as accessible to is as you'd think... 😔

I know I need help with my physical health as well. Due to the mental issues, I'm so low on spoons, that it's hard for me to care for my physical wellbeing. Cooking takes spoons, exercise takes spoons, chores around the house take spoons... And with the bad nights I've been having lately, I start my "day" with barely any spoons at all... 🥄

I don't want to complain. But I do want to show how important support can be. And why I am so grateful for your kindness here! 

I have been single for almost 8 years now. At first, I felt broken, lost and lonely. Then, I started to adapt, realizing how being on my own could also benefit me. And, while I am alone, I haven't felt lonely a lot. But, ever since I lost my big furry soulmate, in that week that broke me in millions of pieces... 😢 Well, I've been trying to recover, but I never actually get there.

I make a good start. A setback happens. I try again. Something else happens. And it's been like that for several months now. I keep having weird dreams that don't let me rest a lot during my sleep. I never remember them, but I know how I feel when I wake up. I have occasional nightmares and flashbacks, or unexpected triggers that punch me in the gut...

I try my best. At least, that's what I keep saying. But, I feel like I am failing all the time. I keep having pain issues, I keep feeling so exhausted, I keep feeling sad, and slowly, I am gaining weight (while I am already obese, and I wanted to work on getting back to a healthier weight). Every time I say or write that I'll do my best, I feel like I am lying, because I can't see any positive progress from the things I've been doing.

I know that, if I would not try, things could be worse for me. And I keep asking for help, hoping that, eventually, I will find the right mental help. And that I will be teamed up with a buddy that can come to my place every now and then, to help me with things I struggle too hard with. There is help out there. But it's scarce, especially when you are "more complicated", and you need more specialized support.

Thank you again for all that support me here. Making me feel less alone at times. I really appreciate it 💜 🫂 🌹

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Warning...  
I am struggling...  a lot...
I *want* to do better.
But, I keep failing...
I keep having "reasons" to why I am not getting things done. Some are very valid, like it's very hard to work with your hands when your pink has been brutally damaged by a silly accident... But sometimes... I "just" say I don't feel like it, and that's seems to do the trick.

Of course, later on, not having done the thing that I probably should have done... It makes me feel bad about myself. Which causes me to feel more bad overall. Which causes me to come up with more excuses... 😔

I'm caught in this circle, fueled by being so tired of being tired, supported by the traumatic sadness that still gets triggered too often, and I don't really know how I can put a stop to this...

Moments like these, I really miss having a partner. While my relationships weren't the best, there were times when I was fortunate to get some support. And that's what I miss, at the moment...

I know my routines and night life make things harder to connect with others. But, some times, I wish there was someone here with me. Going to the gym with me and giving me that extra push that I need to do that thing.. Or to get off the couch, get me motivated to do chores in and around the house, together...

I want to be doing well on my own. But I have my limitations, which I'm slowly admitting to myself, which is hard, because it feels like failure, in a way. 😔 But yeah, I can do stuff alone. I'm not doing that badly. But there are times when I would be more comfortable if I had the support of a loved one at my side...

I know I need to prepare for Koa. 🤎🐾🤎 And I know his coming will make a *huge* difference! It will be challenging at times, but, going on the experience of Arwen and Chance... It's all worth it! I know I should not be doing this... But I think a part of me hopes that Koa will become that partner to kick me in the butt at times...

Like going for walks, not that much when he's young, but still, going out a bit more again. Being with me in the garden when I try to work it relax there. Coming to cuddle (I hope) when we're relaxing on the couch... 🍀

I want to thank you for all your support here! Every bit of encouragement helps me a lot. Even a simple 🌟 like shows me that someone cared enough... And I wanted you to know that, even if it seems too little, to "just" press that like button, to me... It's a little bit of encouragement, to show I'm not alone on this journey...

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Well, this may come at no surprise 😲 but... I am still struggling. I'm now even slowly gaining weight, where I'd been able to keep it "steady" for about a year now. It was steady at about 5-10kg over what I would want/need, but at least I wasn't as bad as I'd been before, especially after the deepest, darkest, depression I've ever gone through...

I know it is temporary. Or, at least I hope it is. I know I want to improve. But it seems like my body and brain can't reach a good way to work together on this. And when they are in agreement over something, something else will happen to mess it up again.

I hope to be able to work in my garden for a bit this morning. I have to get many weeds out... And the weeds run deep. But, with my pinkie being as painful and sore as it is, it may make things a bit harder to do. Still, when the weather gets a bit warmer, I'll grab my things and try to make a bit of a difference.

I just wish I didn't have all these excuses running through my head as to why I should not have to make more of an effort... If that makes any sense... 😔

Well... Thanks to all who support me! Without you, I guess I'd be even worse off than I am now... 😔

Catch you all later folks!

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Well, I had a short night... But I feel less tired than I did the previous night... 🤔 I didn't do all I wanted at the gym, as there were some folks using the strength machines that I wanted to use. But, I rode the recumbent bike for 20 minutes, and I walked 1,75km on the treadmill. I did do three sets on the triceps press.

https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2023/10/30/what-machine-now-part-1/#TricepsPress

I am trying to do better with my food. And I am, hopefully, able to get some more exercises in soon. Just wish my leg and hands would be less stubborn... 😔

Hope you're all doing well!

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

PS. Somehow... The AI thingie can't understand how to make an image of a Pixy using a triceps press, even when you add a snap of the thing... Ah well, that's AI for you... 😇

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Well, this whole getting fit thing seems to be going the wrong way. 😔 Rant incoming about my health issues... You've been warned...

For a while, it looked like I was slowly losing some weight. It went slowly, but, according to my simple scale, I was also slowly losing some fat, and gaining some muscle.

But... My routine was messed up. And, for little NeuroSpicy me, a good routine is what helps me to reach goals, to keep motivated...

It's not like I quit all my exercises. But, as I shared yesterday, my right upper-leg was giving me more pain related issues again. The edema that's still present keeps shifting, and sometimes, it presses hard against damaged nerves. 😢

The discoloration of my hip area, which was very bad after the second surgery, due to a deep hematoma, never completely cleared out. And now, it seems like I have some new spots that look like they're bruised. And, that's how they feel as well. 😔

On top of all that, my thumbs, especially the right one, have had many issues where they keep "moving" out of their sockets. The kwfr thumb had two surgeries, the first one was so bad, that they could not repair all the damages done with the second surgery. But, due to my hypermobility, joints are more prone to dislocate. And, for the last two weeks, my physio has been resetting my thumbs, especially the right one, every time I visit. It hurts, but also gives relief, as it's also painful when the joint is not properly in the socket. And yeah, I wear my braces as much as I can, and still they do this...

But this also means that I have less strength in my legs and hands, so I can do less exercises... And it all makes me feel bad, so my eating disorder kicks in. 😭

A looooong story, I know. And I hate complaining. But I also hate not making progress, while I know I should be able to do better.

I have a GP appointment this Friday, as she needs to get me a referral for cptsd therapy, with a therapist specializing in neurodivergent bits as well... I'll ask her if I could get a checkup of my right hand/thumb as well, as it's not normal that the thumb goes out of the socket so easily, so many times... And it just hurts a whole lot...

Ah well.. Can't do more than my best I guess, just wish my best would be sufficient enough so I could reach my goals...

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life"  I really appreciate it 💜 as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether