Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

First, a thank you! To those that reach out when I share I'm struggling. To those that like my Toot, to make me feel seen.
To those that choose to follow me, to show that I matter... 

I am trying hard to get the help that I need. I thought the most difficult thing was to accept that I do need help, and to dismiss any shame I feel when asking for help. And it's true, it was not easy to do at all!

But... With all my different "issues", for lack of coming up with a better word, it means that the "usual" help isn't suitable for me in my situation. What would help NT (neurotypical) people to learn to deal with things like CPTSD, would most likely *not* be beneficial to me, with my ND (neurodivergent) brain. So, the help I am trying to get now, to find now, well... It's something that I actually need help with. Finding the proper resources for ND folks that suffer from bad CPTSD, it's not as accessible to is as you'd think... 😔

I know I need help with my physical health as well. Due to the mental issues, I'm so low on spoons, that it's hard for me to care for my physical wellbeing. Cooking takes spoons, exercise takes spoons, chores around the house take spoons... And with the bad nights I've been having lately, I start my "day" with barely any spoons at all... 🥄

I don't want to complain. But I do want to show how important support can be. And why I am so grateful for your kindness here! 

I have been single for almost 8 years now. At first, I felt broken, lost and lonely. Then, I started to adapt, realizing how being on my own could also benefit me. And, while I am alone, I haven't felt lonely a lot. But, ever since I lost my big furry soulmate, in that week that broke me in millions of pieces... 😢 Well, I've been trying to recover, but I never actually get there.

I make a good start. A setback happens. I try again. Something else happens. And it's been like that for several months now. I keep having weird dreams that don't let me rest a lot during my sleep. I never remember them, but I know how I feel when I wake up. I have occasional nightmares and flashbacks, or unexpected triggers that punch me in the gut...

I try my best. At least, that's what I keep saying. But, I feel like I am failing all the time. I keep having pain issues, I keep feeling so exhausted, I keep feeling sad, and slowly, I am gaining weight (while I am already obese, and I wanted to work on getting back to a healthier weight). Every time I say or write that I'll do my best, I feel like I am lying, because I can't see any positive progress from the things I've been doing.

I know that, if I would not try, things could be worse for me. And I keep asking for help, hoping that, eventually, I will find the right mental help. And that I will be teamed up with a buddy that can come to my place every now and then, to help me with things I struggle too hard with. There is help out there. But it's scarce, especially when you are "more complicated", and you need more specialized support.

Thank you again for all that support me here. Making me feel less alone at times. I really appreciate it 💜 🫂 🌹

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Warning...  
I am struggling...  a lot...
I *want* to do better.
But, I keep failing...
I keep having "reasons" to why I am not getting things done. Some are very valid, like it's very hard to work with your hands when your pink has been brutally damaged by a silly accident... But sometimes... I "just" say I don't feel like it, and that's seems to do the trick.

Of course, later on, not having done the thing that I probably should have done... It makes me feel bad about myself. Which causes me to feel more bad overall. Which causes me to come up with more excuses... 😔

I'm caught in this circle, fueled by being so tired of being tired, supported by the traumatic sadness that still gets triggered too often, and I don't really know how I can put a stop to this...

Moments like these, I really miss having a partner. While my relationships weren't the best, there were times when I was fortunate to get some support. And that's what I miss, at the moment...

I know my routines and night life make things harder to connect with others. But, some times, I wish there was someone here with me. Going to the gym with me and giving me that extra push that I need to do that thing.. Or to get off the couch, get me motivated to do chores in and around the house, together...

I want to be doing well on my own. But I have my limitations, which I'm slowly admitting to myself, which is hard, because it feels like failure, in a way. 😔 But yeah, I can do stuff alone. I'm not doing that badly. But there are times when I would be more comfortable if I had the support of a loved one at my side...

I know I need to prepare for Koa. 🤎🐾🤎 And I know his coming will make a *huge* difference! It will be challenging at times, but, going on the experience of Arwen and Chance... It's all worth it! I know I should not be doing this... But I think a part of me hopes that Koa will become that partner to kick me in the butt at times...

Like going for walks, not that much when he's young, but still, going out a bit more again. Being with me in the garden when I try to work it relax there. Coming to cuddle (I hope) when we're relaxing on the couch... 🍀

I want to thank you for all your support here! Every bit of encouragement helps me a lot. Even a simple 🌟 like shows me that someone cared enough... And I wanted you to know that, even if it seems too little, to "just" press that like button, to me... It's a little bit of encouragement, to show I'm not alone on this journey...

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Well, this may come at no surprise 😲 but... I am still struggling. I'm now even slowly gaining weight, where I'd been able to keep it "steady" for about a year now. It was steady at about 5-10kg over what I would want/need, but at least I wasn't as bad as I'd been before, especially after the deepest, darkest, depression I've ever gone through...

I know it is temporary. Or, at least I hope it is. I know I want to improve. But it seems like my body and brain can't reach a good way to work together on this. And when they are in agreement over something, something else will happen to mess it up again.

I hope to be able to work in my garden for a bit this morning. I have to get many weeds out... And the weeds run deep. But, with my pinkie being as painful and sore as it is, it may make things a bit harder to do. Still, when the weather gets a bit warmer, I'll grab my things and try to make a bit of a difference.

I just wish I didn't have all these excuses running through my head as to why I should not have to make more of an effort... If that makes any sense... 😔

Well... Thanks to all who support me! Without you, I guess I'd be even worse off than I am now... 😔

Catch you all later folks!

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Well, I had a short night... But I feel less tired than I did the previous night... 🤔 I didn't do all I wanted at the gym, as there were some folks using the strength machines that I wanted to use. But, I rode the recumbent bike for 20 minutes, and I walked 1,75km on the treadmill. I did do three sets on the triceps press.

https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2023/10/30/what-machine-now-part-1/#TricepsPress

I am trying to do better with my food. And I am, hopefully, able to get some more exercises in soon. Just wish my leg and hands would be less stubborn... 😔

Hope you're all doing well!

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

PS. Somehow... The AI thingie can't understand how to make an image of a Pixy using a triceps press, even when you add a snap of the thing... Ah well, that's AI for you... 😇

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Well, this whole getting fit thing seems to be going the wrong way. 😔 Rant incoming about my health issues... You've been warned...

For a while, it looked like I was slowly losing some weight. It went slowly, but, according to my simple scale, I was also slowly losing some fat, and gaining some muscle.

But... My routine was messed up. And, for little NeuroSpicy me, a good routine is what helps me to reach goals, to keep motivated...

It's not like I quit all my exercises. But, as I shared yesterday, my right upper-leg was giving me more pain related issues again. The edema that's still present keeps shifting, and sometimes, it presses hard against damaged nerves. 😢

The discoloration of my hip area, which was very bad after the second surgery, due to a deep hematoma, never completely cleared out. And now, it seems like I have some new spots that look like they're bruised. And, that's how they feel as well. 😔

On top of all that, my thumbs, especially the right one, have had many issues where they keep "moving" out of their sockets. The kwfr thumb had two surgeries, the first one was so bad, that they could not repair all the damages done with the second surgery. But, due to my hypermobility, joints are more prone to dislocate. And, for the last two weeks, my physio has been resetting my thumbs, especially the right one, every time I visit. It hurts, but also gives relief, as it's also painful when the joint is not properly in the socket. And yeah, I wear my braces as much as I can, and still they do this...

But this also means that I have less strength in my legs and hands, so I can do less exercises... And it all makes me feel bad, so my eating disorder kicks in. 😭

A looooong story, I know. And I hate complaining. But I also hate not making progress, while I know I should be able to do better.

I have a GP appointment this Friday, as she needs to get me a referral for cptsd therapy, with a therapist specializing in neurodivergent bits as well... I'll ask her if I could get a checkup of my right hand/thumb as well, as it's not normal that the thumb goes out of the socket so easily, so many times... And it just hurts a whole lot...

Ah well.. Can't do more than my best I guess, just wish my best would be sufficient enough so I could reach my goals...

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life"  I really appreciate it 💜 as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

I was wondering why it hurt more (again) to lay on my right side's leg (the one that had the two surgeries last year, and that ended up with a huge hematoma and bad edema).

It's hard to see for myself, but it looks like I have a new blue-purple bruise in that area again. I know I didn't bump into anything. I think that maybe, part of the edema that's still there shifted, and some of the deeper hematoma is coming upward now? 🤔

I don't have any experience with hematoma and the bad edema that I had after the second surgery. I know it can take up to a year to heal. It's not been a year yet, so I guess it's all normal...

But it's annoying because it (still) hurts and it also (still) prevents me from sleeping more comfortable and exercising more properly.

Guess I just needed to rant a bit about being bummed that the area still isn't all healed yet. I've had several hip surgeries, I've had complications before. But this time, it's been a hell of an experience, and I just wish it could properly heal, so I can move on...

Somehow, the pain, discomfort, the bruises and edema... They're all triggers that can bring me back to that hellish day, which turned into a traumatic devastating week... 😭

Hey ho... I keep using the special ointment on the spot, as it does help to soothe it some. And I know I should not give up, keep faith that the hip area will heal at some point... It just triggers me, which brings me back to that week... 

Thanks to all for your kindness and support during my "journey through daily life"  I really appreciate it 💜 as it helps me to keep going on bad/harder days! 

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Well, I had a crappy night, die to so many bad dreams and nightmares. While I can't remember them, I do no now that this time, at least they weren't about my sweet gall. Those dreams always get to me the most, and even typing this brings wetness to my eyes. 😢

Because I didn't feel well, I could not do all I wanted at the gym. I got in 50 minutes of cardio, but then my head was starting to beat me up top much, and I had to go home. Back to the dark and quiet...

I feel bläh and disappointed in myself, even though I know I did the right thing by going home. I was just so excited to finally be getting back to the gym, that I could finally do more again... And then there have been several nights where I just had to leave early.

Moments like that, I really hate my bad health... Because I can never get all healthy again. And, trying to get ad healthy as possible, is being made more difficult because of... Yeah, that same bad health. 😔 Ah well...

I'll try to do some exercises at home today. And, hopefully, I will have a better night's sleep tonight, and then I can get back to my strength 💪🏻 exercises again... I really would like some of my better trained muscles back... 😊

For now, I'll grab my Kobo and read a bit more in my Faye Kellerman book, "Sanctuary". Let's relax some...

Catch you all later folks!  

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Well, I went to the gym again. I forgot my Buds, but fortunately my headphones were in the bag. The noises at the gym are too much for me to handle without any noise canceling help... I wish I could afford to try out the latest NC headphones by Sony, I read they're so good when it comes to filtering the noises. But the funds... Maybe some day...

But yeah, yesterday I managed to get 4 decent arm exercises in. I started with the diverging lat pulldown, followed by the seated row, then the pec fly, and I ended with the converging chest press. It felt good to be doing these! 💪🏻

I tried to set the weights to a decent amount, but not too high that I could not get 12 reps in. Did three sets on each machine. And now, as I type this, I can definitely feel my higher chest muscles (the ones connecting to your shoulders) tell me that they appreciate what I did with them, but they want me to not forget that I had abandoned them for a while. 😂 Well, the muscle aches aren't too bad, and it actually feels good to know that I had a nice workout with them again.

Today, after 50 minutes of cardio (30 on the recumbent bike, and 20 on the treadmill with a slight incline), I went ahead and tried three leg exercises. I tried to not overdo it with the weights here, as I don't want to risk anything with my hip... I started with the hip abductor, followed by the abductor, and I ended with a light set on the seated leg curl. As I felt my muscles working, I decided not to add the seated leg extension yet. Didn't want to overdo it.

I wrote two blog posts, one back in 2023, and last year I finally finished part two, where I DuckDuck-ed all the info about the machines that I'd been using at the gym. OK, in 2023, I probably still Googled it... But I did my best to gather all the info on the machines. It definitely was a lot of work, but I wanted to be sure that I didn't forget anything important. 😊 The links are here:

🔗 Part one: https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2023/10/30/what-machine-now-part-1/
🔗 Part 2: https://cynnisblog.wordpress.com/2025/09/20/what-machine-now-part-2/

I really hope to keep mixing the arms and legs days, and hopefully soon, I can also add the cross-trainer (although I think it's called the elliptical machine in English) to my cardio workout bits. And, I hope to be able to slowly start improving on the walking speeds on the treadmill as well. But, I know I need to slowly build everything again. I just hope I can be in shape some more, before I need to change the routine again for a while...

If all goes well, in ±4-6 days, there could be puppies born... And, if all goes well, one of them may become my new bestest furry friend... 🍀 Of course, it's still a while then, before she can come home. But if and when she does, I'll need to start training with her, so she can be on her own when I want to visit the gym... (🤞🏻 hope this works out, as I know how hard things are with Sir Barks-A-Lot™, due to his abandonment anxiety, I'd love to be able to train with my gall, so she will just go and snooze while I am out and about for bits...).

So, if all goes well, I have about 8-9 weeks to train... Hopefully, my motivation will remain to be as positive as it feels now!

Onward and upward! 

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

PS. Image I used is an old one, I wish I still looked like this... But it helps to motivate me, to work hard again so I can become more fit (and hopefully a bit less fat...) again. 🤞🏻

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

Well... I've been able to get started at the gym again. The first two nights, the sound system came on at midnight, saying they were closing up. I thought it weird, as it was/is a 24/7 club, and they only have a few days a year where they close during the night. I checked with their customer service, who told me I could ignore the message, as it must be an error in the system, as the club was not closing up.

Yesterday, I started with two arm exercises. I didn't want to overdo it. Tonight, I did 4. So, I'm guessing there may be some sore muscles soon...   but it will be worth it, as I am really hoping to get back on track.

I know I need to build up my cardio as well. I've done some bits at home, but I did a little less at the gym, as I wanted to keep some energy for the weight machines.

I hope I can pick it up again. I know that, if all goes well, I'll have to disrupt the routine again in two months time... But that will be worth it all the way... 🐾 💜

I just hope that I can get enough spoons to battle with my eating issues as well... One can always hope... 🤞🏻

Onward and upward! 💪🏻

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether

 Ello sweet, lovely, and maybe also sporty Friendos 

I hope you're all doing well... I've been struggling to keep going. My mind wants everything all at once, but somehow when I want to do one of all those things, it decides it wanted to do one of the *other* things... Yay, life with AuDHD can be a challenge...

If all goes well, then Sir Barks-A-Lot™ will be picked up on Sunday. Which means I should be able to find my way back to the gym on the next night. It will be a positive change for sure, but I also know that even those changes need time to adjust to again.

I've not been successful with my weight. It doesn't want to come down, and it's too easily persuaded to go up. I try to keep it steady, but of course I'd prefer it to go down, as it would be better for me in many ways...

I've been reading quite a bit. And, of my hands allow, I want to game a bit this night, after walkies with Sir Barks-A-Lot™ 

Hopefully, starting Sunday to Monday night, I can get back to my gym routine. I know my muscles will probably protest, as I know I've lost much of their strength. Although I do hope that the few minutes of rowing every day have helped a bit... 🤞🏻

Catch you all later lovelies!

#PixysFitJourney
#Recovery
#FitIn2026
#FitTogether  
@fittogether