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🚇 Why you shouldn’t hang out at the end of railway tunnels 👇👇
This!
@lmwortho
This is the thing I hate most about myself.

@azedand2knots

I'll take min spice. With a blob of custard.

I am officially deceased after reading this Wall Street deli owner's response to the question of whether he asks his customers for stock tips:
@Glastomichelle
Amazing pic. Love it 😍
It would appear that being a Conservative MP is the only job for life now. With added criminal immunity, two homes with all running costs paid and even subsidised beer at your place of work! Oh, and you must be an utter c**t.
@dgar
I love this format for jokes. Perfect.

The cat just went over to the HomePod mini on my desk, meowed at it, and Siri said "sure here is some music for you" and the cat perched on the window sill listening to Garbage and Elliott Smith.

I just want to know how long this has been going on.

Hi, my name's Ray. I'll be drawing your blood today as soon as I finish this Capri Sun.

*misses hole 4 times then punches straw through bag*