285 Followers
238 Following
188 Posts
Aliens are going to be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we're all happy and offer to help.
@milcom oh itโ€™s much longer ๐Ÿ˜‚
@dariusw ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

*Googles how to be an adult*

oh wow, that's a lot of reading

*goes back to watching cartoons*

No of course Iโ€™m not breaking into the Halloween candy bag because my pms cravings are overwhelming
I appreciate a store that opens at noon on weekends. Get some sleep, folks.
if you think my posts are bad you should see the stuff in my drafts that iโ€™ve spared you from
i'd shitpost more frequently on mastodon except my priority is the ballroom I am building right now
I love it when people who have never had kids try to say how perfect they would be as a parent, like bitch youโ€™d give your kid an iPad for five minutes of quiet, trust me.
Sorry I asked whether your toddler's first words were 'phone home'.