Mastodawn

@DaddyJew

446 Followers

142 Following

2.3K Posts

The Little Engine That Could But Decided Not To Because Fuck You

death cab for a cutie patootie

I see Volkswagen is back to... *Checks notes* profiting from world wars.

*finds a goose feather on floor

Me: a goose was murdered here

Son: pretty sure it came from a pillow

Me: nope, murder

⚠️BREAKING: U.S. Army increases the max enlistment age from 34 to anyone with a pulse

fuck you Frank, this is a Cholula household

@DaddyJew big money, big money, no whammies

[first date] *whispering to self* no whammies, no whammies, no whammies

i came, i saw , i tooted

shout out to the lazy fuck who named, green beans