Charlie Strossif Amazon—and nobody else—sold a flat-pack guillotine for rightsizing billionaires, would you buy it?
yes
no
show me the answers
Poll ended at .
Uilebheist@cstross I'd rather make my own out of wood and steel and then rightsize somebody at Amazon.
Marijke Luttekes@cstross I think Amazon would be delighted to sell purchase data to the secret services
Nuclear Oatmeal 
I'd get the blade laser embossed with a list of names, then scratch out each one I got to use it on.
prom™️
0x575446, Fifth Columnist@cstross Being able to say "hoisted by his own petard" alone would make it worth it.
Paul_IPv6
artbikes
DNAvinci
Rabbit Cohen@cstross I feel like a lot of people are overestimating their access to billionaires.
arclight@BathysphereHat @cstross That's the thing - I'm not buying one until I'm ready to use it.
JdeBPIt's interesting reading the survey results and the comments and seeing that what the majority goes for is hundreds of people buying expensive devices that they cannot use (only 1 device would be actually needed) and paying a billionaire *even more* of their own money.
Schroedingers_Cat@cstross But Bezos would be first on the list.
Alex M
Ben Hardill@cstross While it would be the traditional approach, I think this time round it's more likely to be drone vs lear jet or marine drone vs super yacht (probably as they run for their New Zealand bunkers or Thiel to Argentina)
John Maxwell@cstross I'm OK with "they'll sell us..."
Blort™ 🐀Ⓥ🥋☣️@cstross
I'll go consequentialist on this one.
As long as it'll still right-size Bezos and his pals, sure, why not? The public good clearly outweighs the negative of Amazon getting the money from my one purchase.
This is assuming it doesn't cost some astronomical amount that would cement Amazon as unilateral global dictators in perpetuity.
A Light Shining In DarknessI don't think those are very hard to build.
And they don't need to be perfect, just drop the blade twice.
αxel simon 
NK30 
Matthew Dockrey@cstross Naw, making one myself would be more fun.
Solarbird 
@attoparsec @cstross I admit I'd have to try to figure out whether the flatpack or DIY version would be more reliable. I mean, reliability is important.
Jef Poskanzer@cstross No, I want IKEA's version.
Jacob Christian Munch-Andersen
🇨🇦 Little-k@cstross
NO!
Because death is too quick for them.
They need to suffer ... with pains they can't afford to get medical help for.
They need to worry paying rent, a roof over their heads.
They need to go truly hungry.
They need to suffer ...
Just like they made rest of us suffer.
Michael Richardson 🇨🇦@OohOkayKay @cstross I agree. Martyrdom will result.
babble encat@cstross Nah.
If you have the political power to arrest someone and sentence them to death, you've already won.
Guillotines are a funny symbol, but we aren't suffering under creeping fascism due to a lack of guillotines. We are suffering because the people are disenfranchised and scattered.
E. C. Bigribs@cstross Tempted to wait for the Temu knockoff that is the wrong size, doesn't work very well, and leaves the subject maimed and immobilized and in unrelenting pain for an indefinite number of weeks/months.
Speaking hypothetically, of course.
Alice Averlong🏳️⚧️@cstross That reminds me: I've said before there should be a Mythbusters/Junkyard Challenge style reality show where all the teams are given an Xty$ voucher to their local DIY shop and they compete to build the best guillotine they can with the tools and supplies available.
Mister Dave
Fish Id Wardrobe ⁂@cstross gotta take out the system from inside, when you're inside the system.
i bought it for chopping wood, officer. does it do anything else?
MikeStok@cstross I am tempted to start Procrustes’ House of Bed, Bath, and Beyond (unforgettable experiences for billionaires). But first me and Theseus need to chat.
jimfl
Parade du Grotesque 💀No, because I know at least a couple of museums where I can find an authentic copy near my place.
All that's needed is a bit of work to sharpen the blade.
Source: I am French.
@ParadeGrotesque @cstross I can imagine in the near future there will be artisans specialising in sharpening, oiling and generally restoring these museum items...
Dave Wise
Dubious Blur@cstross I am reminded of the apocryphal Lenin quote about rope and capitalists. here. I’m imagining this is intentional. :)
Dadbod AntiFa“For the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.”
- Audre Lorde
HighlandLawyer@cstross
Despite the "capitalists will sell you the rope that you hang them with" vibe, my woodworking skills are up to the job that a visit to the local woodyard would suffice.
Despite the "capitalists will sell you the rope that you hang them with" vibe, my woodworking skills are up to the job that a visit to the local woodyard would suffice.
@HighlandLawyer @cstross Woodworking is fine, however if you do need blades the right shape do let us know...
VoidZeroOne 
@cstross I'm pretty good with a sword and an axe 🤷🏻♀️
WoodsByTheSea@cstross Only if it was dishwasher safe.
not a martian, honest@cstross I mean, this is more of a diy thing, isn't it?
</𐒴ⴹⲦЕᏟᎻ>
Michael Vilain@cstross I'd rather give my money to a company that I respect, even if some assembly is required.
@mvilain I have some bad news for you about Ingvar Krampad (founded IKEA, multi-billionaire, member of a fascist party in his youth …): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ingvar_Kamprad
Philip Mallegol-Hansen@cstross BYOG is still an option I presume.
WellsiteGeo@cstross Yes, with a caveat that such designs should be open source anyway. And certainly don't require weapons-authorisation online certification from your 3-d printer.
Though I might be tempted to register some right-angle brackets for a guillotine design as weapons, so every police force acceding to the FBI has a constant stream of weaponry 3-d printing minors to send to their prison camps.
Mx. Eddie R@cstross
(X) yes
The billionaire's own rope will hang them just as well.
Wokebloke for Democracy@cstross
No. Far too much irony involved.
No. Far too much irony involved.
Alathea@cstross The Paris Commune burned the guillotine, and we should, too. https://crimethinc.com/2019/04/08/against-the-logic-of-the-guillotine-why-the-paris-commune-burned-the-guillotine-and-we-should-too
Dr G
♿ La Pantera Roja 🏳️🌈@cstross
Billionaires aren't easily reachable, so a guillotine would be worthless. Instead, an ground-air missile would be far more practical. Or a howitzer.
Billionaires aren't easily reachable, so a guillotine would be worthless. Instead, an ground-air missile would be far more practical. Or a howitzer.
Ángela Stella MatutinaSymbolic value. And it's not just making an example of billionaires, their high-profile imitators and followers also need some kind of public recognition for their services.
@beckermatic What did their pilots and cabin crew do to deserve murder? Or their housekeepers and pool attendant?
@cstross Well, the same guilt as those who would be guillotined without being billionaires, I guess. The entire thing is cursed.
John E Bartley III (D) K7AAY📎