The alienation of some queer media is something I've independently noticed over the years but couldn't find a way to articulate that wouldn't sound werid.
The working title of my closest attempt was, Pride Month Is Clearly For My Betters. But even that sounds wrong. Thus, it's been relegated to Rough Draft Hell for many years.
I did manage to write https://soatok.blog/2024/12/05/furry-queer-and-lonely/ a couple of years ago.
The sad part is that here I am, like two years later, and nothing has materially changed in my life. Hahaha.
There are many reasons why I end up feeling like #PrideMonth isn't meant for me.
Being demi makes a lot of gay cis male spaces uncomfortable. The way gay men objectify each other tells me a lot about the shitty beliefs a lot of men have towards women.
Stereotypes like, "Oh, you're a bottom? So you must be bad at math." Or even, "Oh, you're a bottom? So you must be lean and feminine-coded."
Or the accusations of catfishing because, if you have boundaries, that means you must logically be a "dom".
These are all things that I've been told at least once by someone over the years while being rejected from other queer folks.
The only spaces I've found where I actually feel comfortable with my queerness aren't Pride events (with or without corporate backing), they're furry conventions.
Only at furry conventions can I just... vibe with people. In my fursuit, if I want, and while that's objectively weird at least locally it's treated as normal.
If I want to do sexual things, the option is usually there. (Private room parties, some friends and friends-of-friends, etc.)
But if I just want to cuddle and laugh and talk about nerd shit for four hours, I can do it.
And that's the vibe I've been trying to cultivate around myself here on Fedi.
But if I just want to cuddle and laugh and talk about nerd shit for four hours, I can do it.
THIS, 100 percent this. While i enjoy a good time, i also just want friends to be silly with =)
@soatok i wish i knew i was trans at age 18 with the same certainty that i knew i was ace at 12
and o’er here, in the transfemme spaces, it does get annoying how sexualized things can get at times!
so this thread is relatable, even if it’s coming from slightly different sector of rainbowspace
@soatok I wish I'd found furry spaces sooner. Figured out I was pan pretty early on but also never really felt comfortable at Pride events (a small gathering sure; miss me with anything like a parade or concert).
Conventions, especially smaller ones, are a really good fit for me!
@soatok Aside/tangential: Having been among a bunch of wonderful furry/anthro folks for awhile now - it’s such an incredibly stark contrast to other spaces I’m forced to be in that are just downright hostile or even antagonistic.
Like a horror movie trope where you go, enter a space, and it’s like these people make the air go ice-cold. I’m talking you see your breath.
@soatok Similar situation here, I'm also Demi, but I'm that weird Demi that isn't Ace. This makes sexual ANYTHING for me a lot more complicated having the sexual desires of a normal person, but the emotional entanglements that come with being Demi.
I'm the unusual amongst the unusual, and it makes being involved socially really hard sometimes, especially in spaces that are sexually charged.
@soatok One of the reasons I'm grateful for LGBT people being as normalized as they are, even if it's not perfect, is that I (also ace-spec) kinda detest that "default" culture of how MLM treat each other, and if I could *only* be non-het-by-default in spaces they dominate, I'd never be able to sort through their noise to find someone I was actually interested in.
It'd be nice if men could be more normal about relationships with other people, regardless of gender. I can't even deny there's an appeal to some of the underlying dynamics, but a lot of people don't seem to understand that it's fundamentally a fiction layered on top of the fact that there's a *person* with their own feelings on the other end.
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