jonnyApr 13
#rootpost for #monsterdon (son of Dracula)
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13

Hey what's up to anyone who might be new to the fedi or new to following me, if you can see this, in about 15 minutes #monsterdon will begin and your feed will be full of thousands of posts about a movie you are not watching.

You can hide just these posts without muting or blocking monsterdon posters by adding a filter for the #monsterdon hashtag - or you can join us!

Further information: https://wiki.neuromatch.social/Monsterdon

Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13

The primary joy I get from Dracula movies is trying to find the real estate transaction that is driving the action of the movie and if there is none I will have to headcanon one

#monsterdon #AllMoviesAreRealEstateMovies

Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
oh my god
#monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
why did movie production studios think it was a good idea for their branding to be 'what if the earth was always exploding and obliterating its cosmic neighborhood with a radiation storm and also our logo is on there!' #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
these ladies having hair like banged up Disney concerthalls #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
no! you can't go into the swamp while being a dainty flowing skirt broad in 1943 your ass is going to get cursed with only bearing daughters or whatever #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13

"my house guest is late, guess i better go out to the haunted swamp to ask the swamp witch Queen Simba why and also hear about what kind of dead thing she imagines me being in love with"

#monsterdon

Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
how do we have a man turn into a bat, hmm how about he's just like a black spot for a second and then there's a bat there #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
Ever since you met Count A La Carte and Queen Simba you've changed babe #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
#monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
Well, there we have it, the fucking real estate plot right on schedule #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
Dog all you need to do to protect your town from draculas is to set up a system of state subsidized housing for the elderly and immortal where they no longer need to resort to their usual machinations to acquire cavernous estates and a thrall squad to tend to the grounds #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
when you meet a man that sleeps in a coffin submerged in the swamp and appears to you levitating from a puff of smoke, you put a ring on it
#monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
all seems to be in order, dracula has correctly and legally acquired a wife and an estate, no conflict detected, roll credits #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
even if he was just a normal guy you shouldn't shoot at him when the woman you're trying to marry is standing directly behind him didn't they teach you that in gun school right after the lesson "never aim the gun just hold it limply by your side" #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
So dracula now gets to live in his legally acquired plantation estate, bury his poor deceased wife, and they put that other guy in prison for murdering the wife. no conflict detected #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
oh hey you broke into my house and were snooping around my basement, let me take you into my room where i keep my wife sitting bolt upright fully clothed in bed to tell you everything is fine #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
this dude's costume is just a wrinkled up trashbag #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
make with the fucking SON already #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
wait is the adult dracula the son of an even older dracula? if so i am declaring this movie a ripoff i thought for sure the haunted wife and dracula were going to spawn #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
usually you only start suspecting people are vampires once you start finding drained guys around everywhere. the vampire revealing himself before he even feeds is a massive own goal #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
who is this kid?????? #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
what the hell was that??? #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
is that guy a doctor and he's just smoking a pipe and discussing plans to kill vampires while treating a knocked out kid? #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
she just drank him and he only woke up because she started talking to him. so if vampires are just a nuisance taking imperceptible amounts of blood from us while we're sleeping, just let them do their thing and regulate and tax their real estate empire to pay for a public housing program #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
this movie is taking the 1943 turn of "if you thought vampires were evil, get a load of women" but it's also going in a sort of goth dommy mommy direction too so i am sort of on board #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
why would this movie be called son of dracula when there are no sons and not bride of dracula when there is a bride who is the main driver of the plot #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
say now that you mention it they had like a half an hour long conversation about becoming immortal vampires, killing a bunch of people, exactly where they were going to do it and when, but that's all crazy talk #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
8 minutes remaining and we are still dealing with not all the characters being onboard with the existence of vampires when we should be locking and loading and arranging all manner of stake crossbows and whatnot #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
dumbass she SAID don't go there until it's daytime #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
ah yes what a menacing final boss, whose finishing move is to advance towards you slowly until you just sort of fall over and drown in a nearby shallow puddle #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13

alright so all problems resolved now just for frank to become a vampire and live forever with K in their legally acquired plantation estate but it's ok because he's from around these parts #monsterdon

frank, sam, whatever

Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)
you have TWO minutes. TWO. #monsterdon
Apr 13 at 2:18amWeb
Show thread[empty]Apr 13

@jonny I will allow them to steal TWO more minutes of my life!

#Monsterdon
#/ˌä-lä-ˈkärt/

Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
what the hell frank? you were going to live forever with your hot goth babe wife being benign landlords that only needed to occasionally drain a sustainable amount of blood from your tenants while they were sleeping but otherwise carry on as respected members of the community providing affordable, clean, safe housing to the downtrodden bloodbags #monsterdon
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
So the plot of the movie was basically some aristocratic woman got depressed, went on a trip, and brought back a witch and a dracula back with her so that she could steal his vampirism and kill him to live forever with the boy she had been in love with since childhood, and the boy responded by burning her in her coffin before she had even done anything to anyone #monsterdon
Show threadCaptain ButtonApr 13

@jonny

This shows why you shouldn't let women travel and get corrupted by foreign woke ideals.

#Monsterdon
#SonOfDracula1943

Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13

Posting again so it's at the top of the monsterdon block:

Hey what's up if you can see this and don't know what #monsterdon is, below this are thousands of posts about a movie you did not watch.

You can hide just these posts without muting or blocking monsterdon posters by adding a filter for the #monsterdon hashtag

Further information: https://wiki.neuromatch.social/Monsterdon

Show threadCarolynApr 13
@jonny She may have been the one to suck the kid dry, to finalize her transformation…
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
@CStamp was that what that kid was about? i thought they were like "the kid will be fine." OK i guess at least there was a reason for the kid being in there #monsterdon
Show threadCaptain ButtonApr 13

@jonny @CStamp

Sequel setup for "Grandson Of Dracula", when he hits puberty and his latent vampirism activates.

#Monsterdon
#SonOfDracula1943

Show threadCarolynApr 13
@jonny I was confused about that. But, never mind. The kid did say it was a man. Sorry.
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
@CStamp for all we know, vampires could do just fine drinking less blood from more creatures instead of killing them, all the draculas were just sort of assholes, but now we can't because frank had to up and burn her before she had a chance to try #monsterdon
Show threadCarolynApr 13
@jonny Heh. There are the mysterious vanishing basement chickens. 😃
Show threadKyle Memoir 🍉🐧Apr 13

@jonny

what they call a 'hot wife' I think

Show threadsilverwizardApr 13
@jonny benign landlord has to be an oxymoron though
Show threadjonny (nonvenomous)Apr 13
@silverwizard benign draculas