Mastodawn

#monsterdon #AllMoviesAreRealEstateMovies

The primary joy I get from Dracula movies is trying to find the real estate transaction that is driving the action of the movie and if there is none I will have to headcanon one

oh my god
#monsterdon

jeffron Apr 13

@jonny sure moon trips are cool but this is man-bat history - what a week to be alive #Monsterdon

Andrew Apr 13

@jonny Men II Batz

why did movie production studios think it was a good idea for their branding to be 'what if the earth was always exploding and obliterating its cosmic neighborhood with a radiation storm and also our logo is on there!' #monsterdon

these ladies having hair like banged up Disney concerthalls #monsterdon

no! you can't go into the swamp while being a dainty flowing skirt broad in 1943 your ass is going to get cursed with only bearing daughters or whatever #monsterdon

"my house guest is late, guess i better go out to the haunted swamp to ask the swamp witch Queen Simba why and also hear about what kind of dead thing she imagines me being in love with"

how do we have a man turn into a bat, hmm how about he's just like a black spot for a second and then there's a bat there #monsterdon

Ever since you met Count A La Carte and Queen Simba you've changed babe #monsterdon

Trixter of the Moon Council Apr 13

@jonny He's the second-most famous actor in this movie!

#Monsterdon #SonOfDracula1943

Well, there we have it, the fucking real estate plot right on schedule #monsterdon

Lazarou Monkey Terror 🚀💙🌈Apr 13

@jonny it's authentic Dracula now

#Monsterdon

Blake C. Stacey Apr 13

@jonny You know what a Dracula movie needs? A dispute over the taxation of trade routes, that's what

#Monsterdon

@bstacey @jonny logically this occurs in the prequels

Dog all you need to do to protect your town from draculas is to set up a system of state subsidized housing for the elderly and immortal where they no longer need to resort to their usual machinations to acquire cavernous estates and a thrall squad to tend to the grounds #monsterdon

when you meet a man that sleeps in a coffin submerged in the swamp and appears to you levitating from a puff of smoke, you put a ring on it
#monsterdon

all seems to be in order, dracula has correctly and legally acquired a wife and an estate, no conflict detected, roll credits #monsterdon

even if he was just a normal guy you shouldn't shoot at him when the woman you're trying to marry is standing directly behind him didn't they teach you that in gun school right after the lesson "never aim the gun just hold it limply by your side" #monsterdon

So dracula now gets to live in his legally acquired plantation estate, bury his poor deceased wife, and they put that other guy in prison for murdering the wife. no conflict detected #monsterdon

oh hey you broke into my house and were snooping around my basement, let me take you into my room where i keep my wife sitting bolt upright fully clothed in bed to tell you everything is fine #monsterdon

this dude's costume is just a wrinkled up trashbag #monsterdon

make with the fucking SON already #monsterdon

wait is the adult dracula the son of an even older dracula? if so i am declaring this movie a ripoff i thought for sure the haunted wife and dracula were going to spawn #monsterdon

Steggy Apr 13

@jonny Or do you mean make the son with fucking?

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm1827306/

bobert Apr 13

@jonny That crow had a 16 year career including The Wizard of Oz (Crow in Cornfield) and Arsenic and Old Lace (Graveyard Raven), impressive.

#monsterdon #crow

Ben Zanin Apr 13

@jonny yaaaaaaay Jimmy

Randy_underscore_S Apr 13

@jonny It was going to be Peter Lorre based on his performance in the raven but his agent was once again able to get him out from the under the contract.

Ben Zanin Apr 13

@jonny THE MAN-BAT MORPHIFIFICATION

the first #monsterdon i've been able to catch from the start in possibly months. i have a feeling this one is going to be grim and i look forward to suffering with you all.

whoever lettered these credits knew what they were about.

they are not stinting us on implausible bat action tonight