Cactuar JoeNot A substance, THE Substance™. #Monsterdon
Traditional monster movie line detected! "[X thing] does strange things to the human body..." #Monsterdon
Yeah you can't see Grace today, she's having her eyes propped open to test oven cleaner >:( #Monsterdon
"He's cute"
If you like hardasses, I guess. #Monsterdon
Yeah, thanks for the lung cancer Commander. #Monsterdon
"Take a look at the microscope."
Yes, it's a lovely model. Now look INTO it. #Monsterdon
WE'VE GOT TO CLOSE THE B- oh htey actually are closing the beaches huh #Monsterdon
"Phone, doctor"
Now!? But I'm working on the new Ovaltine formula! #Monsterdon
"Jodie? I've just learned you're about to be killed. It's part of the horror movie morality."
"You get home early."
No, Mom, I'm gonna FUCK ALL NIGHT LONG. #Monsterdon
...The guy's name is Mort. Now THAT'S a little on the nose. You wanna start the countdown to his death or should I? #Monsterdon
The giant clams are gonna run into the She-Creature coming the other direction. #Monsterdon
"I'll tell you what happened! She's trapped in a horror movie where cultural norms around misogyny are reiterated!" #Monsterdon
OH GOD, JODIE TURNED INTO A PILE OF SEAWEED! #Monsterdon
Well, at least they found their missing se(a)men. #Monsterdon
Oh great, just what every movie needs. Diving scenes. 9_9 #Monsterdon
"Try a reading! Open your books to page 47!" #Monsterdon
"what's the bottom like?"
That's rather a personal question, commander. #Monsterdon
"We won't take any chances. We'll just keep traveling blindly into the depths, and-- oh hey, there's something weird, let's go poke it." #Monsterdon
MY BABIES
Oh hey, they found the dummy from The Devil Doll. #Monsterdon
Oo, Blake got shrimped! #Monsterdon
This is gonna be an Octaman situation where the scientists walk away with the creature's babies and then get mystified that it follows them home. #Monsterdon
He's shrimp food, ma'am. #Monsterdon
On the other hand, we now have a good baseline for this movie -- the creature is NOT better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. #Monsterdon
"Would you like a cigarette?"
They're toasted! Barely any asbestos! #Monsterdon
"What did your husband do?"
He DIED, dipshit. Try to keep up. #Monsterdon
"Is there any danger the egg might hatch?"
Oh no, we'll need to wait for the third act when this Rube Goldberg Machine fucks up and sets up the final rampage. #Monsterdon
OH GOD IT'S SLUGS, these movies have crashed! #Monsterdon
The All American Canal system! Red white and blue water! #Monsterdon
Yes, you should DEFINITELY wait until someone gets eaten to warn people about the giant shellfish. #Monsterdon
These two have all the chemistry of dry milk. #Monsterdon
DUCK PATROL #Monsterdon
"Nothin' but midnight."
And the prettiest Corporal on the force <3 #Monsterdon
GET OUTTA MY RESTAURANT GRINGO #Monsterdon
WE GOT A DINE AND DASH ON TABLE FOUR #Monsterdon
Man, thank god we stopped showing the cool monsters to do all this absolutely stultifying character work -_-;;;; #Monsterdon
"You were just gonna take me home."
SO WE CAN F-oh the scene changed. #Monsterdon
Aaaaand die #Monsterdon
Oh, he's jonesin' #Monsterdon
"I always cooperate with the authorities!"
So don't look in the back rooms! #Monsterdon
By the music they're gonna find one last romantic giant shrimp. #Monsterdon
"Just plain foolishness."
Now if'n you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go back to readin' my this-here newsy-paper and OH GOD *crunch crunch crunch* #Monsterdon
Oh boy, mom's not looking! Time to unleash the third act twist! Helloooo thermostat controls! #Monsterdon
Dude, you barely escaped getting eaten the first time, take your gun with you. Oops, nope, death by irony. #Monsterdon
Sure is a bright moon out there. Hope he's not gonna get moon burn. #Monsterdon
SNAIL DEATH HICKIES #Monsterdon
There's a certain irony in a man named Walker driving a car. #Monsterdon
oh dear oh me oh my i gotta go call the po-leese #Monsterdon
Y'can't rush a good shrimp boil. #Monsterdon
Y'think she'll learn the Commander's first name before they get married? #Monsterdon
Monster poking its head up like, "ARE THOSE ICE CREAM SANDWICHES???" #Monsterdon
It's a great relief knowing we got them all, and nobody's going to have to rush back to the office to fight one last monster in a climactic battle scene! #Monsterdon
"Gracie, is that you behind the shattered goo?" #Monsterdon
The Monster That Challenged The Lab Switchboard #Monsterdon
The Monster That Challenged The Janitorial Closet #Monsterdon
"Try, Sandy, try!"
YES mother I'M DOING IT mother #Monsterdon
"Get help."
I guess. If you want. I had some toast earlier. #Monsterdon
...the fire extinguisher? Not the FUCKOFF GIANT FIRE AXE??? #Monsterdon
🤖Robot Enby Xero🤖@CactuarJoe the Monster that Challenged Credibility
lotta people talk about food in this movie
@CactuarJoe "oh nice my doordash is early!"
aw man not the bnuuys >:(
Bryan Howell@CactuarJoe Twill is his first name. His name is Twill Twillinger
@CactuarJoe you called it
Death by Precocious seven year old
NIGHT FILTER STRIKES AGAIN
Shrimpin' ain't easy
That craykin is cray cray
"I'll wait here until my obviously important map find is needed for a proper resolution to the movie, that's fine. :3 "
Foolish Owlbear 
@xerozohar kinda knew that's how the world would end.