Cactuar Joe"...A region almost as salty as the internet." #Monsterdon
The ~wild ♪ rock formations~ ♫ 👉 👉 #Monsterdon
...Wearing *intensely* stupid hats. #Monsterdon
MAAAAAAVRIIIIICK #Monsterdon
They're always hitting the silk, but have they ever considered just sitting down with the silk and talking though their problems? #Monsterdon
"Come in."
Sorry, can't respond, too busy investigating the hot dog legs on the poster behind me. #Monsterdon
*touches the surface of the water* Clams. Two, three days old. #Monsterdon
Johnson's chowder, chief. #Monsterdon
Aah. Aaaah. Aaaaaah. #Monsterdon
Okay, is it cutterboy, butterboy, or flutterboy? #Monsterdon
"Now wait a minute! I need to display to the audience what a hardass I am!" #Monsterdon
"Yes mom, that's right. Uh huh. Yeah, I'll be screaming alone in a dark room while dramatically lit. Mm hmm. Yeah, third act. Yes, they COULD hire more women, mom, but it's the fifties." #Monsterdon
This is a movie that feels like it should have Raymond Burr in it, y'know? #Monsterdon
Salton sea spooge :/ #Monsterdon
"It's Hollister."
No, Hollister was less wrinkly than that. #Monsterdon
Not A substance, THE Substance™. #Monsterdon
Traditional monster movie line detected! "[X thing] does strange things to the human body..." #Monsterdon
Yeah you can't see Grace today, she's having her eyes propped open to test oven cleaner >:( #Monsterdon
"He's cute"
If you like hardasses, I guess. #Monsterdon
Yeah, thanks for the lung cancer Commander. #Monsterdon
"Take a look at the microscope."
Yes, it's a lovely model. Now look INTO it. #Monsterdon
WE'VE GOT TO CLOSE THE B- oh htey actually are closing the beaches huh #Monsterdon
"Phone, doctor"
Now!? But I'm working on the new Ovaltine formula! #Monsterdon
"Jodie? I've just learned you're about to be killed. It's part of the horror movie morality."
"You get home early."
No, Mom, I'm gonna FUCK ALL NIGHT LONG. #Monsterdon
...The guy's name is Mort. Now THAT'S a little on the nose. You wanna start the countdown to his death or should I? #Monsterdon
The giant clams are gonna run into the She-Creature coming the other direction. #Monsterdon
"I'll tell you what happened! She's trapped in a horror movie where cultural norms around misogyny are reiterated!" #Monsterdon
OH GOD, JODIE TURNED INTO A PILE OF SEAWEED! #Monsterdon
Well, at least they found their missing se(a)men. #Monsterdon
Oh great, just what every movie needs. Diving scenes. 9_9 #Monsterdon
"Try a reading! Open your books to page 47!" #Monsterdon
"what's the bottom like?"
That's rather a personal question, commander. #Monsterdon
"We won't take any chances. We'll just keep traveling blindly into the depths, and-- oh hey, there's something weird, let's go poke it." #Monsterdon
MY BABIES
Oh hey, they found the dummy from The Devil Doll. #Monsterdon
Oo, Blake got shrimped! #Monsterdon
This is gonna be an Octaman situation where the scientists walk away with the creature's babies and then get mystified that it follows them home. #Monsterdon
He's shrimp food, ma'am. #Monsterdon
On the other hand, we now have a good baseline for this movie -- the creature is NOT better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. #Monsterdon
"Would you like a cigarette?"
They're toasted! Barely any asbestos! #Monsterdon
"What did your husband do?"
He DIED, dipshit. Try to keep up. #Monsterdon
"Is there any danger the egg might hatch?"
Oh no, we'll need to wait for the third act when this Rube Goldberg Machine fucks up and sets up the final rampage. #Monsterdon
OH GOD IT'S SLUGS, these movies have crashed! #Monsterdon
The All American Canal system! Red white and blue water! #Monsterdon
Yes, you should DEFINITELY wait until someone gets eaten to warn people about the giant shellfish. #Monsterdon
These two have all the chemistry of dry milk. #Monsterdon
DUCK PATROL #Monsterdon
"Nothin' but midnight."
And the prettiest Corporal on the force <3 #Monsterdon
GET OUTTA MY RESTAURANT GRINGO #Monsterdon
WE GOT A DINE AND DASH ON TABLE FOUR #Monsterdon
Man, thank god we stopped showing the cool monsters to do all this absolutely stultifying character work -_-;;;; #Monsterdon
"You were just gonna take me home."
SO WE CAN F-oh the scene changed. #Monsterdon
Aaaaand die #Monsterdon
Oh, he's jonesin' #Monsterdon
"I always cooperate with the authorities!"
So don't look in the back rooms! #Monsterdon
By the music they're gonna find one last romantic giant shrimp. #Monsterdon
"Just plain foolishness."
Now if'n you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go back to readin' my this-here newsy-paper and OH GOD *crunch crunch crunch* #Monsterdon
Oh boy, mom's not looking! Time to unleash the third act twist! Helloooo thermostat controls! #Monsterdon
Chris Hayes@CactuarJoe Hey that pen is important to the plot!