Violet@Ice:~$💜
Lilith, Mother of Darkness@Lunalucardrose20 how do you touchstone? I'm angry and I feel justified to be angry. But I know if I burn all these bridges, I will be wishing I hadn't in two days
@violet I'm not sure how much help I can be, but I'll try what little I (maybe, hopefully) can.
As far as I know, avpd has been researched woefully little, so there seems be very few established therapies for it.
I don't have a lot in coping mechanisms, it took me many, way too many, years to get myself to the point of trying to rebuild any bridges I burned. Even that happened mostly as a side effect of me feeling better, so while avpd didn't go anywhere, I'm able to at least try and fight it.
I guess experience is the best I might be able to offer right now. I burned many bridges, disappeared for years from peoples lives. I also was justified in being angry, I'm not denying that. But I personally regretted it every single day, and still do. I have managed to sort of rebuild some connections, but to this day it's hard. So at least in my experience, try not to burn those bridges, you might very well make yourself feel worse by doing that.
With all of this being said, I obviously don't know your situation. There might very well be some connections that should not only be burned, but also nuked from orbit. I'm just saying, really try to evaluate if it's worth it.
I hurt some people who are dear to me, and I despise myself even more because of that.
Edit. This might not be helpful, and for that, I am sorry. For now, it's the best I can do.
@Lunalucardrose20 it makes me feel better for not being able to see a clear line of delineation, and that if nothing else is appreciated 💜
@violet I do use distracting myself with different hobbies when my mind gets bad, but that only goes so far when the mind is bad all the time.
@Lunalucardrose20 mind bad 24/7, depression ramped up cause I am going off my meds so the things I do have to do don't feel enjoyable. Today's episode kicked me out of writing just as I was sitting down to do it for the first time in a week I think? Maybe less, idk. Now I just think I'm done with it altogether and the people I was doing it with. And it's so damn infuriating to feel like 5 months ago I could have understood the line of what was reasonable and what wasn't, and now that my brains got all fucked up and bonked around, I don't know which way is up anymore.
Bleh, sorry for the wall of text. I may be suffering from feel overflow 
@violet No worries, I'm happy to read walls of text coming my way. 
Quitting meds is something I know all to well. Have a fair amount of experience with how fucked up ones brain can get during the process.
Hopefully you feel a bit clearer after the worst withdrawals pass. Maybe see things more clearly then, don't know. Always a possibility.
Hopefully enjoy things again. If possible, try to "allow" this time of difficulty to yourself. You are coming of your meds, you feel like crap. That's normal.
Sorry if I sound like a self-help book, not my intention. 
Gravement bête@violet not avpd but bpd here. I'd try to let some water pass under the bridges, by:
1- avoiding triggers (muting convos, going less social, switching to other support groups...)
2- occupying my mind until emotions decant (watch series, read books, do crafts, play videogames, sleep...)
Learning mindfulness meditation helped a bit but it's very long and there is no immediate improvement. If you have the room for it, it can be an investment to make for the long run, but I'd avoid trying it for the first time during an emotional crisis.
@darckcrystale thanks crystale 💜 I keep having to remind myself that me firing a torpedo into the closest things I have to support structures isn't going to help me long term, even if I do think I'm still right to be angry and probably should find a different group to be around
@violet I advice having different circles, this way you can vent into one if needed without causing a collapse of your relationships. It can be a forum, a discord server, a wow guild... whatever group you can be part of. This avoids a "all the eggs in the same basket" situations
Also, being angry is not illegitimate, it's just how you react to the emotion that can be destructive. I like to talk about the problems after my emotions settle, to address them instead of building up resentment
eg0n@violet no AVPD here but Ive had some neurospicy stuff over the years and had to cope , frequently unmedicated...
My advice, in wall of text format :
Emotions are never WRONG - that's a category error, like saying GREEN is wrong. It just IS , it exists, you didn't pick it and can't control it , so it's not your fault. You're allowed to feel it no matter what feeling it is and it's normal and ok . (This sounds easy but is really fucking hard for me to remember). The only thing you're responsible for is how you react/respond/behave in response to that emotion.
Remembering this has really helped me with my anxiety . It like, gives me permission to feel what I'm feeling without trying to short-circuit and shame myself for feeling and all that
@eg0n you're right of course, I simply mean to call to mind the experience of having been angry and realized later it was unjustified, or that with a slightly different set of circumstances I would have been fine. That said, it's always easier for me to remember this for others than it is for me to apply it to myself. I have the brain barrier in the way which isn't tempered by outside perspective
@violet yeah it's always easier looking back or for others , anything easier as long as it isn't YOURSELF and IN THE MOMENT... I hear you there.
I'd add that what you said, that's exactly what I mean - thinking about justifying anger isn't always helpful because the anger itself can be ok. You're allowed to feel it, and even thinking about needing to justify it at all (even afterwards ) is potentially harmful.
It's easy for me to say since like we said, I'm not feeling it right now, but it is never wrong to feel anything , and you never have to justify a feeling. There's no requirement to have supporting rationale for feelings. Own em, feel em, share em.
Behavior in response to the feelings? Oh yeah i gotta justify that shit.
But the feelings themselves, no apologies! :)
@eg0n Yeah well... it may take a little time for me to figure that out, but I'll try. I might as well have a degree in regulating others' emotions for them (thanks trauma), and not being hypervigilant at all times of what may or may not be reasonable is nigh unthinkable to me. Because no matter what, if I'm feeling something its bound to make 'them' angry (whoever them is in a given context).
I suppose its no wonder I identify very little with organics, I so despise all this feeling
@violet yeah you being up a good point .
People ("them") will see you feel a certain way and react some way - they will either help you feel better or not. Either way, they reveal something about how much they care for you. People who really REALLY care for you will create a safe space for you to feel your emotions.
Also, 🫂