forestineliving in an all adhd household is like
you're sitting there getting ready for your day and suddenly everybody is trying to clean up coffee that spilled all over everything
i actually wrecked my laptop about 10 years ago when i was getting ready to move for grad school and totally killed it. and everybody was like
well you shouldn't have done that
oh well you picked up your computer wrong afterwards
etc etc i am the fool
of course i didn't INTEND to sit down and spill an entire cup of coffee on my computer until it was spilling out the ports, but people like to feel like they would never
the worst thing about the adhd tax is smarmy people saying "i simply would not have done that" and they can all go to hell
like don't worry, when i stepped on my old ereader and borked the screen, the wave of regret and shame was enough for an entire town. i don't need someone going "well i simply would not have done that"
Robot Diver 🌊🌬️🍃🌿🌸🌱🌱🌱
Maddy - ADHD-powered mess 
@forestine Ugh, my partner and I both struggle with this sorta thing, both being AuDHD.
I built up a lot of coping mechanisms to avoid these sort of incidents myself and unfortunately adopted a similar way of chastising when I should know better.
I'm much better about catching myself these days before saying some shit like that, but it still comes out. 
I built up a lot of coping mechanisms to avoid these sort of incidents myself and unfortunately adopted a similar way of chastising when I should know better.
I'm much better about catching myself these days before saying some shit like that, but it still comes out.
Consensus Tullyality@maddy @forestine honestly that's the worst part IMO; that all these offhand comments about how you're a failure for allowing these things to happen get internalised over time and then you have to spend so much of your life deprogramming yourself of it.
ugh.
@forestine @maddy it's got "cycle of abuse" vibes for sure
@tully @forestine For fucking real. 
Nowadays, instead of focusing on 'how avoidable it was', I try to offer sympathy and assistance in those moments 'cause I know that 'you should've done x' doesn't do much more than cause anger and frustration in the moment.
Nowadays, instead of focusing on 'how avoidable it was', I try to offer sympathy and assistance in those moments 'cause I know that 'you should've done x' doesn't do much more than cause anger and frustration in the moment.
@forestine @tully Exactly, and that's why they're called 'mistakes' or 'accidents'.
Bleh, it's mixed feelings realizing I've still got more unlearning to do.
Bleh, it's mixed feelings realizing I've still got more unlearning to do.
weird herm
@forestine @maddy oh how the turntables
Mx. Eddie R@forestine
Oof times a thousand.
They don't seem.to understand that we're not doing it on purpose. And they don't seem to understand how insulting and harmful it is that they suggest we are.
NIST Standard Reference Boy@forestine They absolutely can go to hell. It's selfish, self-soothing behavior on their part that makes them feel better by putting psychological distance between them and you which does not really exist, anyone can and does lose things or mess up or forget stuff no matter how important it is. But some people just need to reassure themselves that they're Better and it, ironically, makes them the worst!
Random Geek@forestine @nora delighted to watch my corporate coworker begin to understand as I do things like walk out of our secure, always-locked office without my keys and not realize it until several hours later when it's time to go back in.
I knock on the door and they're all "ah, so this is the kind of stuff you meant."
Michael Newton@[email protected] I still get the warm fuzzies each time I remember the day that my wife asked me "why did you forget ?" and my teenage son answered for me "Isn't the real question why would the family member with ADHD remember it?"
(Side note: my wife is actually pretty good at understanding the executive function side of my ADHD in general, but having an insanely good memory herself she (ironically) constantly forgets that I forget things)
forestine (@[email protected])
59.6K Posts, 1.26K Following, 1.13K Followers · I make noisy ambient with modular synthesizers. art degrees in "ruining my ability to do art" 30s, fat, bi, trans, disabled (adhd, cptsd affecting my ability to work, religious trauma, chronic conditions incl long covid), still wearing a mask pls no advice unless asked requests subject to vibe check™ - not into ai art, too much cw'd news/politics, lack of alt text 🍉 [header: windowsill full of plants] [profile pic: white fat agender person at the park under a tree with a panama hat]
sonja@forestine with my ex, i would TRY to help them with their adhd tax and they kept saying it was more my problem than their problem. and then you watch someone struggling every single day because they lose their keys and phone and wallet.
one day i got an hour lecture about how it was my fault that they forgot their wallet when they left the house because i asked a question.
@emily_rugburn i'm not sure what to say, do you want me to answer on behalf of your adhd ex or
maybe this would have been worth making your own thread
@forestine i guess for me, its difficult to watch people struggle with these things. and i know the tax all too well (well, the autism tax 🤭)
@emily_rugburn ah thanks for clarifying. yes the tax is very cruel
@forestine my tax is the meltdown i have when someone moves my things from the place that i always have them and i have no idea where it is and im supposed to be at an appointment in an hour and it takes 30 minutes to get there and what if theres traffic or an accident or the signals are off or the car needs gas or the car doesnt work or i hit a deer on the way...😭
@emily_rugburn oh no! too many variables, it's like dominoes
@forestine i feel like adhd is worrying on the front end of things and autism is worry about the back end of things....
so ppl w autism have everything planned ahead of time so we dont have to worry about all the extraneous variables and adhd only can go with the action and just worry about the extraneous variables when they show up. this is just my thought about it 😊
Moss Wizard@forestine @emily_rugburn Whoops! All Variables ™️
veetee@forestine "have you tried not being the way you are?" 🙄
For I am CJ 
< FEELZ! >
anyMouse@forestine People say this about things that they absolutely would do, just less often than ADHD people. It makes me question just how many of the people I interact with daily have never developed theory of mind.