sythysFeb 20
Dog Noise Generator

My favourite piece of internet today is the theory that Jesus was actually a type of yeast.

Turns water into wine
Floats on water
Makes bread for 5000 people
Put in a cave for 3 days and lo - he has risen!
Jesus was a sourdough starter.

Also this would imply: We should be calling him 'Mother' not 'Father'

Feb 19 at 10:35amWeb
Show threadKlaus FrankFeb 19

@Buster

Heals people => penicillin

Oh my, that explains everything!

Jesus was a type of Yeast, confirmed

Edit: Oh and also explains why eating his flesh and blood are bread and wine, too.

Show threadM.S. Bellows, Jr.Feb 19

@agowa338 @Buster
The truth was hidden in plain sight right there in his own words, but no one ever realized it before!

“Again he asked, ‘What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about thirty kilograms of flour until it worked all through the dough.’” – Luke 13:20-21

"Be careful. Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod.” – Mark 8:15

Show threadKlaus FrankFeb 19

@msbellows @Buster

Also fits in with people singing church songs* while cooking

* (as they didn't have clocks nor timers at home that's what they used to track the time in between steps, e.g. Step XYZ, sing 5 Ave Maria, ...)

Christianity is just a big cooking club.

Show threadJamieFeb 21
@agowa338 @msbellows @Buster the 'manna from heaven' that materialised in the desert when the Israelites were lost quite possibly a night sprouting fungus. Not to mention that John the Baptist most likely spent forty days and nights mashed on locusts and mushrooms.
Then you have the likes of Terrance McKenna positing that primitive man evolved higher consciousness from their consumption of psychedelic mushrooms leading into agriculture and the shaping of the world.
Show threadM.S. Bellows, Jr.Feb 19

@agowa338 @Buster OOH! OOH! And what Jewish holiday did Easter ("He is risen! he is risen indeed!") evolve from?

The Feast of Unleavened Bread!

Show threadJim DalyFeb 19
@msbellows @agowa338 @Buster Yeaster?
Show threadM.S. Bellows, Jr.Feb 19
@psneeze @agowa338 @Buster Excellent.
Show threadJim DalyFeb 19
@msbellows @agowa338 @Buster 
Show threadErik AblesonFeb 19
@agowa338 @Buster
Show threadcontrasocialFeb 20

@agowa338 @Buster

Guy writing the Bible was just really hungry

Show threadKlaus FrankFeb 20

@contrasocial @Buster

Well the bible is just a collection of (what the church considered to be) important scriptures.

And well, what was the most important for the longest of human history that you could use any piece of advice on in existance?

Well, how to survive and not die. For which making food (that doesn't make you sick) is one of the most important parts.

Show threadKlaus FrankFeb 20

@contrasocial @Buster

The bible does contain a lot of great (but dated, always keep that in mind) advice on how to survive and how to go through life.

It even contains advice for how to deal with pandemics. Like it even quite literally tells you to wash your hands, stay away from the group when you're sick, shout "unclean unclean" when you're getting closer so others can keep their distance to you, mark the homes of those that are sick so that you can stay clear, BUT also to not let you die..

Show threadKlaus FrankFeb 20

@contrasocial @Buster

and help you get your basic needs met. And obviously as doctors haven't been around back then and the church had the monopoly on "healthcare" back then it also mentions that before you're allowed to get back into society a priest has to announce you as "clean again" aka. healthy.

Show threadjeawhizFeb 22
@agowa338 @contrasocial @Buster It's also about having lots of kids 😄
Show threadNuwagaba GiftMar 1
@agowa338
Did you then eat his fresh and drank his blood?
Show threadMoses IzumiFeb 19
>Jesus was actually a form of yeast
If my yeast was a master of parables I'd dedicate my life to it as well.

RE: https://woof.group/@Buster/116096848875159934
Show threadHein RagasFeb 19
@Buster @MxAlba That would make the transubstantiation not even a miracle -- you could make hosts of Jesus' _actual_ body.
Show threadRockmaster MikeFeb 19

@Buster "drink my blood" = wine. "Eat of my body" = bread

it all fits

Show threadBen HammondFeb 19

@Buster

I always interpreted the

> Feeding of the 5,000

as meaning that the food looks unappetising, and everyone pretended to eat it just to be polite.

my daughter has taught me that you can easily fill 12 baskets with food that has been artfully shredded to create the impression of eating it

Show threadmightymikeFeb 20
@benh And at which age did she teach you this? 👀
Show threadJim DalyFeb 19
@Buster And he spread to 2.3 billion of the world's population of 8 billion which makes him a yeast infection.
Show threadAnnelies Kamran, Ph.D.Feb 19
@psneeze @Buster ok that made me cackle out loud, thank god I'm alone atm
Show threadLasse BeyerFeb 19
@Buster Yeastus Christ, you're right 😲!
Show threadCadbury MooseFeb 19

@Buster

Knud Axel Syrup[1]: "Judas, Yeast!".

[1] "The Makeshift Rocket" by Poul Anderson.

Show threadBolo LacertusFeb 19
@Buster Now the part of "eat of this bread for it is my flesh" makes sense. It was not about zombies at all.
Show threadLisPiFeb 20
@bololacertus @Buster And now: Biblically accurate Resident Evil.
Show threadSmutMagDotArtFeb 21
@bololacertus @Buster When people tell you who they are, believe them. He said it straight: My flesh is bread. But we didn't get it.
Show threadNigel Moss 🌻Feb 19
@Buster Now singing "Jesus was a sourdough starter" to the tune of Jerry Was A Racecar Driver by Primus 🙂
Show threadOzzelot Feb 19
@nigenet @Buster The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme also gets the job done.
Show threadTalya (she/her) 🏳️‍⚧️✡️Feb 19
@Buster funnily enough, some fringe scholars do actually think Jesus was a type of fungus, though they use other (quite out there) arguments to get to that conclusion.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sacred_Mushroom_and_the_Cross?wprov=sfla1
The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross - Wikipedia

Show threadCharles ☭  is a GreenFeb 19

@Yuvalne @Buster

This is the plot to a Philip K Dick novel. It's one of my favourites.

Show threadJasper 🍉Feb 19
@Buster  🍞 nom https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacramental_bread
Sacramental bread - Wikipedia

Show threadAmro has beenFeb 19
@Buster Yeastus! 😂🤦🏻‍♀️
Show threadnickaposFeb 19
@Buster I am pretty Jesus pronoun would be them
Show threadTravis F WFeb 19

@Buster in his book Entangled Life, Merlin Sheldrake has a section collecting theories about psychedelic fungi originating religions, connecting possession and enlightenment and so on.

Jesus was definitely a fun-gi.

Show threadrk: it’s hyphen-minus actuallyFeb 19

@Buster

Is made of bread. Or the other way around, anyway. Sometimes. Kinda.

Show threadAdrianoFeb 19
@rk @Buster The Lord is my Poolish I shall Fear no Evil
Show threadGeoff 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿Feb 19
@Buster
Our microbe,
Which is basically everywhere,
Saccharomyces be thy name.
Thy kingdom Fungi,
Thy phylum Ascomycota,
On earth, as it is in the ocean.
Give us this day our daily bread,
And forgive us our infections,
As we forgive those who gave us infections.
For thine is the power,
An- and aerobically,
For far longer than us.
A mould.
Show threadTuchowskiFeb 19
@Buster 😜😂👍🏾
Show threadgrrl_aexFeb 19

@Buster

sounds reasonable! henceforth adopted as my new jesus headcannon. :)

Show threadCassandrichFeb 19
@Buster Not to mention "you cannot kill me in a way that matters"
Show threadsleet01Feb 19
@Buster Funnily enough, I bet Christians would be more upset about the Modalist heresy here than the fact that you refer to one aspect as "Mother".
Show threadTaran RampersadFeb 19
@Buster Brian's Mom is offended.
Show threadJosh Feb 19
@Buster sorry, Catholics, no transubstantiation necessary!
Show threadManu  Feb 19
@Buster
Show threadLog 🪵Feb 19
@Buster John Mulaney was almost there: "(singing) Bread is God is Bread".
Show threadAndré PolykanineFeb 19
@Buster Don't know about Jesus, but Lenin… https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lenin_was_a_mushroom
Lenin was a mushroom - Wikipedia

Show thread@pineywoozle ‘s #3WordNoteFeb 20
@menelion @Buster If Lenin was a mushroom, tRump is a toadstool…
🤣 🤣 🤣
#USPol #Trump
Show threadDétours AnachroniquesFeb 19
@Buster and people in the cult literally thought his body was bread... while his body rather *turned* into bread! 🤯
Show threadIvan Tomić ⁂Feb 19
@Buster this is actually a good point.
Show threadBiggles 20X6!Feb 20
@Buster spent a lot of time with women of negotiable affection...
Show threadBiggles 20X6!Feb 20
@Buster came from a virgin mother - natural lady yeast.
Show threadmisswiredFeb 20
@Buster Well, I already call my starter "Jesus".
Show threadkrejgoFeb 20

@Buster I think if Jesus was a yeast, he'd be Candida.

No one wants to hear about it if you're infected with it.

Show threadRolf Blijleven 🔻Feb 20
@Buster 😂 where's Robin Sloan?
Show threadRolf Blijleven 🔻Feb 20
@Martranslations 👆
Show threadMarcos DioneFeb 20
@Buster could you explain that last one?
Show threadDog Noise GeneratorFeb 20
@mdione 'the mother' is the traditional name for a sourdough starter.
Show threadPent Up Games 🔞Feb 20
@Buster Hot Cross buns make so much more sense, now!