Mastodawn

sprigatito_bread

My therapist is warning me about potentially having to report my family to the authorities. How do I avoid being reported so the cops don't show up and make everything worse?

https://lemmy.world/post/42686947

My therapist is warning me about potentially having to report my family to the authorities. How do I avoid being reported so the cops don't show up and make everything worse? - Lemmy.World

I (23M) started therapy today, hooray! Only problem is, my family is too goddamn spicy. Once I got into my brother’s (25M) increasingly homicidal fantasies and animal killings, she stopped me before I mentioned the threats he made to kill people and told me that she is a mandated reporter and has an obligation to report certain situations to the authorities. I think adding police to the equation will make everything worse and immediately paint a target on my back because I am the only one who would ever disclose the violence that happens under this roof. It might result in me being homeless if I have to flee for my life. I live in Ohio and it’s the middle of winter, so not a great start. I wanted to work with a therapist because I grew up in this place and it traumatized me so badly that I’m scared of leaving this dump. How much will I have to tiptoe around here? Is merely being afraid that someone will use violence against me reportable? What about if they fantasize about murder and domestic terrorism? What about violent crimes that they committed in the past? Or specific threats in the present? Is therapy just not the right fit for this kind of thing? Did I end up with a heavy duty “fuck you” problem and therapy is just for “I feel sad sometimes” problems? It feels like bullshit to have to self-censor so much just because things were harder for me. How is throwing cops at the problem supposed to help when there is no universal basic sustenance or housing for the victims to escape to?

disregardable Feb 5

The therapist needs to have some reason to believe that a person is a threat to you or someone else. One purpose of the law is establishing community standards. Even if a single family all prefer to do nothing about the abuse, the community as a whole does not want to tolerate that kind of behavior in it. So really, it’s not supposed to help. It’s supposed to punish, to try to stop the behavior.

ipkpjersi Feb 5

So really, it’s not supposed to help.

That sounds like therapy isn’t ideal then… the first goal should be to help, not to punish… lol…

You’re a grown adult. What’s stopping you from getting the hell out of there?

sprigatito_bread Feb 5

I’m disabled; I have limited options for work and can’t drive. It’s not impossible, but it’s far from trivial, and seeing the news makes it easy to get discouraged. Growing up in an environment like this also makes you expect everyone to be violent. It’s a stupid, irrational feeling, but it is nonetheless paralyzing being afraid of violent criminals everywhere because you go because you grew up with them. Therapy could help with the irrational feelings and free up my mind to solve the logistics of getting out and finding some kind of work despite all of my physical limitations.

TerrabyteMarx Feb 5

That sounds extremely frustrating. I’d ask her to clarify what she means because as far as I know a mandatory reporter only has to report when a person is planning to hurt someone else or themselves. Maybe she’s just not a good fit, too young, too inexperienced etc. It’s pretty standard to go through a couple of different ones before you find what’s right for you. And you need to be able to talk about that stuff openly that’s the whole point of therapy.

“Why can’t you just leave and buy a house or something” is the most Lucille Bluth question ever. You didn’t have to dignify such a stupid question with an answer. This isn’t your fault.

Who said anything about buying a house, dickhead?

Ouch, someone is mad that I made a joke.

Come on, it’s just moving, what could it cost? All your friends and possessions? $10?

I made a joke.

No you didn’t.

I can’t tell if you’re farming downvotes or actually mad lol

Not mad, mate. I just think you’re a fuckwit, and every reply you make isn’t dissuading me from that conclusion.

That really sucks, friend. You have my deepest sympathy. Still, if it does get reported, that may be your best chance of getting some help to remove yourself from the situation. Then again: Ohio. I’m not sure the social safety nets would be adequate.

actionjbone Feb 5

If your therapist told you that, they have a moral and legal requirement to report it.

Your therapist is doing the right thing. Your family is actively harmful and you need to get out of there somehow.

tlekiteki Feb 5

following the law is so often, as here, not the right thing to do.

As someone who was a mandated reporter and made a sad amount of reports, the investigators aren’t idiots. They don’t knock on your door and say “hi, your kid reported that you hit them!” They know the risk and it is literally their entire life/job to avoid making situations worse.

What do they do then? Wouldn’t it be obvious that the person who just started therapy said something?

You’d be surprised at the number of times I thought it would be obvious and it wasn’t. In fact, it seemed pretty rare that people could figure it out. And even when they did, it was just their hunch, you can never know for sure who reported you.

ipkpjersi Feb 5

How can they help OP, though? If it really is that obvious that it was OP who reported it, I don’t see how saying “Hi, we got an anonymous report, we’re here to investigate” would suddenly remove any suspicion by OP’s family that it was OP who did it.

Depending on where OP lives, disability programs can be very difficult to and backlogged to get into.

For the latter part, it very much depends on the state and the disability.

In terms of helping, there are a few scenarios. First, forced psychiatric hospitalization. Suddenly, it’s no longer a “secret” problem with the brother. It’s known and he’d have a record in a court system and medical records. Extremely unlikely, but not impossible, is removing OP to a stable program. People with disabilities who have confirmed cases of abuse jump to the top of those waitlists. There are also many “light” versions of those scenarios that still make things, even slightly, better.

sprigatito_bread Feb 5

Unfortunately, I’m disabled, jobless, and have nobody to go to. I would have left long ago if it were so easy for me to leave.

I agree with the principle, but in practice, the violence of American capitalism is what keeps me trapped here more than anything. If I end up on the street as a result of these interventions, I will freeze to death because the system doesn’t protect from homelessness. This kind of intervention would work great in a socialist society with guaranteed basic housing and sustenance, but that isn’t the reality right now. The reality is a system that brutalizes the homeless and vulnerable.

If your disabled there are most likely programs to help you with food and housing.

discocactus Feb 5

It’s usually not that simple. And “most likely” does not a foolproof logistical plan make.

Midnight Wolf Feb 5

Can confirm, disabled for 11 years now. You either rely on someone else, or die.

Depending on where they are, it’s most likely not enough, and that’s if they can even qualify in the first place. Even people will well-documented disabilities struggle to get on assistance programs in some areas

BarneyPiccolo Feb 5

Sure, but how does that help OP? They have to apply, wait, letters come in the mail, people start asking questions, and in an abusive household, that can be a problem.

And let’s say they get food assistance, what next? They still live with the problem people. Now they have to arramge for a new place to live. They’re handicapped, so they can’t work, so how is this getting paid for? What about expenses other than food or housing?

And the entire time this is getting arranged, dangerous people are going to be seeing clues.

There are a LOT of hoops to jump through to get safe.

I guess they should just give up and do nothing instead

BarneyPiccolo Feb 5

No, but this is a complex problem, and I’m pointing out that your suggestion is not as easy as it sounds, and won’t really accomplish much. If she manages to get food assistance, the others will probably just take it away from her.

She needs a social services advocate who can get her into a shelter, while she waits for various assistance programs to kick in.

unemployedclaquer Feb 5

Im not mandated reporter. I wouldnt turn you up. not… Not right away. But this sounds fucked. Get the fuck out.

she stopped me before I mentioned the threats he made to kill people and told me that she is a mandated reporter

Your therapist will comply with her mandated reporter obligations, but does not consider herself to be in the business of tricking clients into saying things that will force her to breach confidentiality. You got close to her line, so she reminded you exactly where it was and gave you the option to either cross it and cause a report to law enforcement, or to stop short and talk about things that she can lawfully keep in confidence.

Yeah that was my read as well.

My thoughts exactly. She kept you in control of this. What you do with that is up to you (although it sounds like maybe this is gonna be awful whether or not the authorities are involved so maybe you should just stop trying to own his bullshit and do everything to make yourself safe).

KokusnussRitter Feb 6

That is an excellent comment

Any therapist or licensed professional (doctor, social workers, etc) will have to report something if it’s a credible threat to someone’s life. If your brother has homicidal ideations and makes threats, an investigation might not be terrible. Unless he literally never leaves the house and you are the only person that would know he’s ever made a threat, then your family will probably never know that you have anything to do with this. Strangers call the cops when they hear shit. If he’s loud, it could be a neighbor. Unless he’s agoraphobic, it could be anyone in your town who reported something weird.

Rather than seeking to avoid reporting, your objective is really to find an alternative living situation.

You had some great responses when you asked about this before, like this one:

https://sh.itjust.works/post/52834885/23007083

Did you follow up on any of that ?

What should I do if my violent brother is threatening to kill my parents (who I financially depend on and live with) and they aren't taking it seriously? - sh.itjust.works

I (23M) live in an abusive household (Ohio, USA) with narcissistic asshole parents, bad enough that I was insecure about the fact that I was seemingly the only one in the family who could experience love or empathy. I haven’t been able to move out yet because I have disabilities and no job. My older brother was a brooding quiet kid, so for a long time, I didn’t know exactly how he was affected by his upbringing, except that he had anger issues. My parents always shrugged off my fear of him, accusing me of overreacting, even when he killed a bird with his bare hands and displayed its corpse in a tree in the backyard. Today, he’s a strong 6’2" guy with military training and a gun. My worst fears were confirmed when he displayed a pattern of escalating threats and violence over the past year or so. In October 2024, when he thought I wasn’t around, he candidly told my dad that he would be willing to kill me if there were no consequences. Last February, he remorselessly beat his girlfriend’s cat to death (she did not press charges), which my parents saw as petty drama. Last June, he gleefully described his fantasies of shooting up peaceful protests, which my parents shrugged off. A few hours ago, I experienced the most terrifying moment of my life. I was in my bedroom when an argument broke out between my brother and my parents about finances. When my brother didn’t get the response he wanted and my dad started heckling him, he erupted in a way that I had never witnessed before. “I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!! MESS WITH ME, MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL SLICE YOU UP!! DIE, BITCH, DIE!!” He screamed at the top of his lungs in a roaring voice he had never used before, repeatedly threatening to kill my dad. My heart was beating out of my chest as I prepared to dial 911 and leap out my bedroom window. I waited tensely for the sound of gunshots or my parents screaming. Since I was holed up in my room, I couldn’t see if he was brandishing a weapon. “Okay, that’s enough,” my mom said in a casually disapproving tone that was psychotically unfitting for the severity of the situation. (My parents aren’t exempt from his violence, as my father was struck in the head by him a few years prior.) After a couple more minutes of horrifyingly unhinged screams and threats, my brother finally reverted back to “regular pissed off” mode and left to hang out in the woods, while my parents continued to go about their day as if nothing had happened. So… I can’t fucking believe I’m in this situation. For years my parents told me I was overreacting and paranoid, and I kind of believed them. I always thought that murder was a far-off threat that I would read about on the Internet but never be faced with myself. It’s so hard to shake off this feeling of normalcy and relative stability, and part of me wants to just forget what happened like my parents do. Being uprooted from my home and having to suddenly figure everything out with physical limitations, chronic fatigue, no friends, no home, and no job, in the middle of a cold winter, feels dangerous in itself. I don’t know what to do. A lifetime of abuse has made me stupid. I feel like if I contact law enforcement, they won’t keep my brother away for long enough for me to get my life in order and make a clean break. He’s almost certain to know that I called the cops, so he will be able to target me after whatever light questioning or slap on the wrist they give him. Plus, my parents will likely try to sabotage my efforts to stay safe. If I contact the authorities or any kind of help resource and it gets back to my family, I will have placed a bright red target on my back and won’t be able to undo it. It is very hard to focus with the constant threat of violence looming over my shoulder. I failed my last semester of college because my brother suddenly became much more domineering and threatening, and I became too paranoid to even use the bathroom, let alone study. I can’t think straight. I need help, but I don’t know how to get help in a way that protects me from retaliation.

Yeah seems like maybe they should have followed at least one of those things in that post. I had commented there too, but OP only responded to the people telling them to do something obviously stupid. Any helpful response got no response in turn.

lonefighter Feb 5

I’ve read a few of OPs posts and I don’t want to sound harsh but can’t tell if they’re genuinely looking for help or if they’re just stuck in a self-pity-I-need-a-savior loop. OP, are you a bird who is flying repeatedly into a window while there’s an open door right there because you’re too terrified and traumatized to realize you could just fly away, or are you truly locked in a cage? You’ll never know unless you ask for help opening the door. Maybe it’s locked and the key is unreachable, but maybe someone will hand you the keys. Yes, in today’s world funding is being cut, but it still exists, and there are still organizations that help victims.

Now this part is harsh and maybe it’s unfair to you and if so I apologize, but you can either start to be an adult, start to help yourself and ask for help and see if you find any, or you can realize that you don’t actually want help, that you’d rather stay in your miserable situation and aren’t actually looking for change. Because I see people who hate the awful situation they’re in but are so trapped in a victim mentality to actually want to stand on their own 2 feet and escape. I grew up in an abusive home and it was nowhere near as bad as what you are living in but it’s hard getting out and re-acclimating to the world, but you can either be miserable and trapped for your entire life or you can start to do scary things and take the chance that you find a way out of this.

sprigatito_bread Feb 5

can’t tell if they’re genuinely looking for help or if they’re just stuck in a self-pity-I-need-a-savior loop.

It’s both. I’m genuinely looking for help on a tough situation, and I possess a weak learned helplessness mindset that causes me to give up too easily. The replies I get here are helpful, but at the end of the day, the biggest difference will be my own ability to change the way I think through a combination of self-reflection and therapy. Nobody can help me with that except for me.

It’s true that I live with violent and controlling people, but that doesn’t mean they can control me 24/7. It’s true that public services are being eroded, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any left. It’s true that modern society alienates us from one another, but that doesn’t mean people can’t care about me.

My abusers are incredibly stupid, weak, and short-sighted in a lot of ways, and it may well be that the reason I’ve been stuck is because I have also been stupid, weak, and short-sighted. My stated goal of therapy is to get rid of my fear-based mindset and start using my brain more, because fear is stopping me from being rational. That’s why my words and actions appear to be so contradictory: I’m in the process of recognizing my own agency and their weaknesses, but I keep snapping back to old patterns where they seem all-powerful and I feel helpless. It’s probably frustrating for the people reading.

How do any of the readers here know that my situation is as dire as I make it out to be? Could it be that my fear is painting a far worse picture than reality? If so, how can I possibly be a reliable narrator for what’s actually happening in my life? If things were truly hopeless, my abusers wouldn’t have to tell me every single day. They literally tell me I will fail every time I try something.

I think if I ask any more questions on Lemmy, it should be while I’m in the process of getting out, not asking people to plan my entire escape. Like, asking for advice on step 23B after I’ve figured out and completed steps 1-22, instead of asking for steps 1-100 before I’ve done anything.

This was a very well written response, good on you. Just one final piece of advice. A therapist will sit with you and wait for you to reveal something over the course of years. You can take your time telling them. Likewise, you shouldn’t tell them certain things until you trust them. Because their decisions will reflect in your mind differently based on your relationship with them.

In this case you can simultaneously do things from the last post and this post, they aren’t mutually exclusive. But you should do something to get out of the situation, before it’s too late.

Good luck.

sprigatito_bread Feb 5

This reply heavily deterred me from making it my go-to choice, and I haven’t seen anyone refute it:

sh.itjust.works/post/52834885/23011371

The entire system of shelter and aid for the homeless and at risk and domestic abuse victims and all that, broadly, its completely collapsing right now.

Trump’s having FEMA build comcentration camps for the homeless, that’s the new ‘model’.

Realistic advice for this person would be to find some friend or extended family member they can stay with for a while, there’s almost 0 chance that any of the organizations listed out in the comprehensive top reply will do anything other than waste this person’s time with intake procedures and then not actually be able to help them meaningfully.

I’m not going to completely discount these resources, but I’m looking at relationships with other people for Plan A. I’m working on getting outside of my comfort zone and figuring out how to get to places on my own so I can meet new people and become half-decent at connecting with them.

Life at home is mostly cold dullness punctuated by sudden flashes of violence. Months can go by without anything happening. But something will happen eventually. Things are in a cold period right now and I’ve had more time to think. I’m doing therapy to help me feel empowered to take measured steps to leave (and create a good emergency plan, which will involve contacting the shelters).

I think you have a good point though: I’m sort of tunnel-visioning on this mandatory reporting thing when I should be focused on creating an emergency plan that I can feel confident about. That way, if what I fear does come to pass, I’ll know exactly what to do instead of panicking. I’m falling back on old patterns where I waste my time worrying about bad things happening instead of taking actual steps to prepare for when they inevitably do. Thanks for pointing out that issue.

What should I do if my violent brother is threatening to kill my parents (who I financially depend on and live with) and they aren't taking it seriously? - sh.itjust.works

I (23M) live in an abusive household (Ohio, USA) with narcissistic asshole parents, bad enough that I was insecure about the fact that I was seemingly the only one in the family who could experience love or empathy. I haven’t been able to move out yet because I have disabilities and no job. My older brother was a brooding quiet kid, so for a long time, I didn’t know exactly how he was affected by his upbringing, except that he had anger issues. My parents always shrugged off my fear of him, accusing me of overreacting, even when he killed a bird with his bare hands and displayed its corpse in a tree in the backyard. Today, he’s a strong 6’2" guy with military training and a gun. My worst fears were confirmed when he displayed a pattern of escalating threats and violence over the past year or so. In October 2024, when he thought I wasn’t around, he candidly told my dad that he would be willing to kill me if there were no consequences. Last February, he remorselessly beat his girlfriend’s cat to death (she did not press charges), which my parents saw as petty drama. Last June, he gleefully described his fantasies of shooting up peaceful protests, which my parents shrugged off. A few hours ago, I experienced the most terrifying moment of my life. I was in my bedroom when an argument broke out between my brother and my parents about finances. When my brother didn’t get the response he wanted and my dad started heckling him, he erupted in a way that I had never witnessed before. “I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!! MESS WITH ME, MOTHERFUCKER, I’LL SLICE YOU UP!! DIE, BITCH, DIE!!” He screamed at the top of his lungs in a roaring voice he had never used before, repeatedly threatening to kill my dad. My heart was beating out of my chest as I prepared to dial 911 and leap out my bedroom window. I waited tensely for the sound of gunshots or my parents screaming. Since I was holed up in my room, I couldn’t see if he was brandishing a weapon. “Okay, that’s enough,” my mom said in a casually disapproving tone that was psychotically unfitting for the severity of the situation. (My parents aren’t exempt from his violence, as my father was struck in the head by him a few years prior.) After a couple more minutes of horrifyingly unhinged screams and threats, my brother finally reverted back to “regular pissed off” mode and left to hang out in the woods, while my parents continued to go about their day as if nothing had happened. So… I can’t fucking believe I’m in this situation. For years my parents told me I was overreacting and paranoid, and I kind of believed them. I always thought that murder was a far-off threat that I would read about on the Internet but never be faced with myself. It’s so hard to shake off this feeling of normalcy and relative stability, and part of me wants to just forget what happened like my parents do. Being uprooted from my home and having to suddenly figure everything out with physical limitations, chronic fatigue, no friends, no home, and no job, in the middle of a cold winter, feels dangerous in itself. I don’t know what to do. A lifetime of abuse has made me stupid. I feel like if I contact law enforcement, they won’t keep my brother away for long enough for me to get my life in order and make a clean break. He’s almost certain to know that I called the cops, so he will be able to target me after whatever light questioning or slap on the wrist they give him. Plus, my parents will likely try to sabotage my efforts to stay safe. If I contact the authorities or any kind of help resource and it gets back to my family, I will have placed a bright red target on my back and won’t be able to undo it. It is very hard to focus with the constant threat of violence looming over my shoulder. I failed my last semester of college because my brother suddenly became much more domineering and threatening, and I became too paranoid to even use the bathroom, let alone study. I can’t think straight. I need help, but I don’t know how to get help in a way that protects me from retaliation.

I’ve been finding that trauma literally makes me stupid. It locks me into myopic fear-based thought patterns that don’t actually help and just keep me trapped for longer.

Could it be that this dynamic has prevented you from contacting those organisations who literally exist to help you?

That commenter saying “its all collapsing”, might be right, and perhaps no one is able to help you. However, they could also be wrong, and those organisations are ready and willing to help.

To set your expectations, there’s probably not going to be a nice comfy free hotel room set up waiting for you. You’ll probably be assigned a case officer who will be able to give you strategies to manage the problems you’re facing, while you’re waiting for accommodation to become available.

sprigatito_bread Feb 5

Could it be that this dynamic has prevented you from contacting those organisations who literally exist to help you?

Definitely. My mind has tried as hard as possible to convince itself that nobody in the real world cares about me or wants to help me. And therefore there are no social programs, public services, or mutual aid groups because Republicans nuked them all or something. Going to see a therapist IRL was the first time I challenged that core belief. It turns out that good people exist and they want to help me because I’m human. I’m going to need more exposure than that to rewire my bullshit gut instinct, which is why I’m pushing myself to go out to socialize and use public services. I think that the ability to ask for and accept help is key to getting out of here, so it’s no wonder why my abusers aggressively push the idea that help doesn’t exist.

ApollosArrow Feb 7

I believe one way or another things at home will not improve. You don’t really lose much by inquiring to places. At the very least I assume your therapist would have some connections and guidance on places they would trust for you to contact.

EldritchFemininity Feb 7

Since you have the help of a therapist, you should use them as a resource to help formulate any plans and put them into motion. Therapists aren’t just there to talk to, they’re good for sound boarding ideas like this off of because they have access to resources that other people might not necessarily have. A therapist’s word or signature can get you access to medical care or services that would otherwise be more difficult to get, and they know the ins and outs of systems like social security or aid programs. Their job is to help you, and by telling them straight up that you need help getting a plan together to get out of your living situation they can focus on that.

In the short term, I would recommend putting together a “bug out” bag that you can stash somewhere safe in case you need to leave quickly. Ideally, you should have copies of important documents such as social security cards and stuff that you might not be able to go back for later, but it should at least be just enough stuff to get you by for a couple of days if you need to drop everything and leave. Stuff like a change of clothes, a water bottle, and some cash.

discocactus Feb 5

Real talk. It sounds like they’re trying to help. So use their help to focus on the main problem, which is extrication from this horrible situation. They can help you navigate the many hurdles on the way to independence. It is probably possible. But will involve a lot of applications, appointments, networking, etc. You definitely need a contingency plan as well if things get too spicy quick. IE bug out bag and church basement/shelter/friendly business/friend where you can crash til you get your systems sorted.

I’d also ask them to let you know if you ever get close to that line where they have to report, if you don’t want them to. Help them play the game. They have signalled that they are willing. Work through the logistics of independence first, trauma later.

「黃家駒 Wong Ka Kui」 | (aka: 鳳凰院凶真 Hououin Kyouma)Feb 5

Oh I totally get this.

I’m in an immigrant family and I just never felt safe to “report abuse”, especially during the first 5 years in the US… I was a non-citizen and I just feared deportstion… I did not like China from my memory…

I mean my mom just instilled the fear of CPS onto me, plus I felt very “foreign”, just couldn’t trust anyone… so none of my teachers really knew the true extent of what happens at home, I never told them.

Now I go downstairs and feel my heart tremble… despite my mom repeatedly telling me “how much she loves me”, I just never really feel safe.

My older brother made me run away from home when I was in China…

When I was in Philly, I ran away from home again, again because of my brother.

Both times I just ran to my mother. She was my best protector, simultaneously she’s also my abuser.

I love my mother, and I also hate my mother. But I also need her approval. Idk wtf is wrong with my brain…

Even now with citizenship, I’m TERRIFIED of venturing out in the world… I don’t know how to like… “survive” do basic “adult” stuff… I feel scared when I go outside by myself. I don’t even feel like anyone can really help me.

I’m just alone.

In China, police don’t do shit about domestic violence, it’s just “private matters”, nobody ever involves police.

So this sentiment followed us here.

Also like… I doubt white cops even give a shit about us minorities, we’ll all just get shot to death.

Loving an abusive mother is a very natural response. Children need their carers, so the brain has an evolutionary response to seek comfort from those carers. When carers are unreliable or abusive, those attachment patterns become disordered. Your attachment pattern sounds anxious-ambivalent, but the anxious-avoidant pattern of not loving your parents is also a cause of problems. So it’s not your fault and it’s not a broken response to your situation. It’s a broken situation.

I agree with the other guy that said the therapist hinted heavily at what she has to report. Don’t tell her what she has to report.

You can be honest: you really want to avoid police involvement. You can ask her what sort of things she'd have to report.

I work in mental health and what she did - stopping to make you aware of what she would legally have to do before you trigger it - that's in our training.

You've hit on a very broken element of the system, and you're right to point out how useless throwing cops at a situation is without proper supports. Many mandatory reporters know this, and will try to make sure you don't cross that line unaware. None the less, she could face severe consequences if she doesn't report something.

I've seen a number of your posts, and i think you need more than just therapy - help to access rescources, navigate the maze of disability support, find employment and housing that fits your situation.

If you explain your goals, hopefully she will have some referrals or resources she can direct you to. It sounds like you know you need to get out of there, and you know you need help and time for that to happen.

Look up what is required of a mandated reporter and then decide if you can have sessions within those boundaries. It’s there to keep you safe and therapists have to protect themselves in the event something does happen. Homeless vs. hurt or dead. Might be worth asking for a reference to a social worker who can help you find a place to live. You’ve lived in this family for a long time so it seems normal to you and you love them and want to protect them, but violence is not normal and should not be tolerated for the sake of “the family”.

MagicShel Feb 5

Therapists help you understand and contextualize your emotions so that you can choose differently ways of handling them. Are you confused or struggling with your emotions? Mate, you’re under existential threat with no clear way out. The best therapist couldn’t cheer up a prisoner in Auschwitz.

I feel for you and the situation you’re in, but I kinda feel like you’re not the problem here. Maybe you are. Maybe you have ways out that you’re too anxious to take or something, and therapy might help with that. But you describe a fairly bleak scenario with a sword of Damocles over your neck. Your therapist can’t fix your disability and they can’t teach you to fix your brother.

I’m hoping for a good outcome for you.

Therapists can help manage many disabilities including autism, OCD, addiction, mood disorders, psychosis personality disorders, PTSD, and so on.

MagicShel Feb 5

Occupational therapy, very much so. Based on the context this sounds more like psychotherapy. Perhaps I’m misreading that though.

Mouselemming Feb 5

Something your therapist would not have to report is if you asked for her help to create an escape plan.

You’ve said the therapy is helping you hold a mindset that doesn’t just accept your situation. So you don’t have to go into more detail right now about why it’s so bad.

You can just make your therapy plan:

Step 1 “Persuade my therapist to help me get myself into a safe and sustainable living situation away from my immediate family”

with the promise that then you’ll do

Step 2: “Tell my therapist everything she needs to send in the authorities, in order to protect others in the family and community.”

She may be able to connect you to support services you couldn’t access on your own. Both because of her professional authority and because she’s not stuck in the house with him watching, like you are.

I’m wishing you all the lucky breaks, OP.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I was in a psych ward and my caseworker wanted to send me to a shelter instead of going back to my family. At the time I worried that would just make everything worse, but I’ve been questioning whether I should’ve done it or not for a while since everything got worse anyway. Obviously I don’t know your whole situation, but sometimes people are just unstable and will get worse with your influence or not.

As for how to hide it, I don’t know exactly what kinda wording you could use to talk about things. You could just avoid getting into detail about what your family actually does and just focus on how they make you feel.

Dang mate you’re getting soprano claused?

enterpries Feb 5

Therapists are there for your money, not for you.

IronpigsWizard Feb 5

Oh man, what a great helpful comment! I’m sure your days are as pleasant to experience first hand as your comments are to read.

enterpries Feb 5

Ignorance is bliss.

Ricky Rigatoni Feb 5

You must be the happiest person here then.

enterpries Feb 5

“A fool and his money are soon parted.”