Rob Bos
Natasha ๐ช๐บBe weird. Be colorful. Help random people. ๐
Martin Rundkvist@Natasha_Jay
It's actually a really useful heuristic. What are the odds that someone with pink hair is a violent exponent of toxic masculinity?
[384992] Ellie Winters 
@Natasha_Jay its not just a system shes afraid of, its a system thats actively against people like her
amazing things like this happen which the system doesnt want you to know, and these amazing things are so heartwarming
Flaming Cheeto@Natasha_Jay @ansate you see this?
Melissa Santos@PizzaDemon @Natasha_Jay I did! i love that story. it's hard to say exactly what i'm signaling with the bright hair, but definitely something, and something friendly.
@ansate I regret not doing a month or two of blue back when I had hair.
tom jenningsNo worries. Blue is a hard color to do and tockeep!
Reds and pinks are excellent in beards.
eestileib (she/hers)@tomjennings @PizzaDemon @ansate
The time for blue is when you've already gone gray.
I fade to a nice silvery blue now, instead of mottled green.
Fish Id Wardrobe@Natasha_Jay okay, tearing up at this. i'm a straight cis bloke. But i'm autistic, a lefty, and i'm weird.
all my life i've tried to look as normal as possible, so that no-one would look at me twice.
Maybe that's not the way.
Crissa Kentavr@fishidwardrobe @Natasha_Jay
Same. I'm pretty sure I never pull it off, so I try to always wear /something/ that's different. Be it rainbow bangles, a safety pin on my necklace (does anyone remember that one from 2016?), a plush animal purse, silly brooch, or rainbow pony-tailers...
Same. I'm pretty sure I never pull it off, so I try to always wear /something/ that's different. Be it rainbow bangles, a safety pin on my necklace (does anyone remember that one from 2016?), a plush animal purse, silly brooch, or rainbow pony-tailers...
Branwen OShea (she/her)@Natasha_Jay @fishidwardrobe No, understandable, but then your tribe canโt find you. ๐
@BranwenOShea @Natasha_Jay i find them. and it's a lot safer this way. but. but.
AaronSame -- minus being a lefty. I still don't *look* different, but they get the idea when I announce shamelessly that I'm autistic and have ADHD. I didn't figure it out until I was in my 40s, that just brazenly being myself could convince people to like and accept me for who I am.
Another thing it does: It filters out the baddies right from the start. You don't even have to do anything. They'll just buzz off because they know already they don't like you. All those people who want you to be "normal" or else, will just drop themselves right out of your social circles. I've started doing it even on my job applications, for precisely this reason.
EDIT: I'm right handed, but politically a lefty. :)
> They'll just buzz off because they know already they don't like you.
i'm fine with them buzzing off, but they might decide to do something else. humiliation, bullying: i had my share of that at a school. i suppose this is why.
@fishidwardrobe @Natasha_Jay Yeah, that's always a possibility. But I think by advertising it, you kind of let them know in advance that you won't be intimidated over it.
@hosford42 @Natasha_Jay sadly โ i am intimidated by itโฆ
Chris Simpson@hosford42 @fishidwardrobe @Natasha_Jay doh, took me a minute to realise "lefty" related to handedness and not political affiliation
@chris_e_simpson @hosford42 @Natasha_Jay nope, i meant politics. small P. "people shoudn't starve", "love is always valid", "governments should protect people".
i'm not sure there *is* a political party i could affiliate with on that basis, right now? here in the UK i have hope for the Greens. We'll see.
@fishidwardrobe @hosford42 @Natasha_Jay ah, ok, so now I'm not sure what Aaron read it as, not that I'm judgy either way, just unusual to denounce "the left" on this platform without some sort of qualification
I added context to my original reply. I thought @fishidwardrobe was referring to handedness, not politics.
Korben Dallas@fishidwardrobe @Natasha_Jay There are advantages to both. Looking atypical is good for signaling to decent folk you can be trusted, whereas being a stealth normy means you are less likely to be dismissed out of hand when you call out someoneโs bad behavior publicly.
@multipass @Natasha_Jay good point!
@fishidwardrobe @Natasha_Jay We must never forget that a person's ability to defy the prevalent social norms and look and behave how they want is a privilege. The cost to each person can vary dramatically, both in terms of fighting their own inner demons, and having the mental, social and financial capital to overcome friction and afford any potential penalties.
Sure, recognizing that masking itself has a constant overhead and is a source of fatigue and frustration can help people reassess the risks they are willing to take and change the equilibrium somewhat.
But, there is absolutely no shame whatsoever in conforming to a local standard that doesn't harm others.
Sorry that wasn't supposed to be a Ted talk.
@chris_e_simpson @Natasha_Jay thank you, though.
Spoonie Activist@chris_e_simpson
@fishidwardrobe
Thank you for that reply. I am a bit similar to Fish, so it nice to see other recognize that it can be a struggle.
@fishidwardrobe
Thank you for that reply. I am a bit similar to Fish, so it nice to see other recognize that it can be a struggle.
i. celeste aurora 
[witchzard]We must never forget that a person's ability to defy the prevalent social norms and look and behave how they want is a privilege.
Please do not generalize your worldview. For some of us, especially us trans people, it is no privilege, it is survival, because the cost of NOT defying the social norms is death - whether psychological or physical doesn't matter.
@ics @chris_e_simpson @Natasha_Jay this is a good point. some people literally do not have the option to blend in. it's not a priviledge if you can't do it.
having the option is *also* a priviledge.
@ics @fishidwardrobe @Natasha_Jay sorry, I thought I was trying to make exactly that point. Apologies if I missed your own point or got it totally backwards.
Mux2000 (extra-solar)
Crystale@fishidwardrobe @Natasha_Jay it is not indeed! Be who you are!
Lazarou Monkey Terror ๐๐๐@Natasha_Jay some lads at the weekend in a pub latched onto my purple hair and decided I must nominate their next shot at the bar.
So I said 'Tequila' because they had annoyed me.
Michael Pyrite@Natasha_Jay That's a nice heuristic for a tolerant person.
Though, one time a similar thing happened to me, I was walking to an unusually important meeting for me, and all made up with necktie and clean-cut conventional, and probably the most conservatively-styled person on the busy sidewalk.
A woman with a hair covering, who didn't seem to speak a word of English, picked me to gesture for help.
Somehow, she decided I'd help, and not be a threat, despite my natural hair color.
Heath Borders@Natasha_Jay something similar happened to me. I was walking the streets of SF at 1230a, and I helped a lost woman find the subway station. I always wondered why she thought she could ask me (a middle aged white-guy tech bro), and maybe it was because I was wearing a cowboy hat at the time lol
Brian "bex" Exelbierd@heathborders @Natasha_Jay this happens to me. Iโm of the same general demeanor minus the hat. Iโm told itโs because I look โprofessorial
Darwin Woodka@Natasha_Jay I have rainbow shoes I wear as my signal
Hot Dog WaterTall people. When someone asks for high-shelf help from the back in the grocery or delicious candy store, pull the rest of what's left up for the next shoppers with limited reach.
EyeMy OH always does this! ๐๐ค
Goose goes Brrrr ๐ฅถ@GGMcBG heck, I do this with middle and low shelf stuff as well!
My lifetime of retail triggers this impulse, but I don't bother as often as I used to. Plus, bending sucks eggs now.
Kaspi
SQLAllFather๐ฏ
I've experienced dozens of similar expressions of trust from strangers. I'm a big, tall, middle aged white guy, but the purple hair sends a clear signal.
Edit: Correcting typo
sens@Natasha_Jay "be human" works too ๐ tested it ๐
Edge ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐บ๐ฆ๐ณ๏ธโ๐What an absolutely lovely post.
Li ~ Crystal System@Natasha_Jay @zaire this reminds me of that post that says to look for furries as they indicate a safe community
Sander@Natasha_Jay check, uh, check
Jennifer Moore ๐ทAww lovely story!
fraggle@Natasha_Jay this reminds me of the Stewart Lee standup where he has a [feigned] breakdown and starts criticizing his audience
https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkxvp4o9YkXKVx__ndjlXJHjgS1fatTjLVc
"If a fight breaks out tonight there's going to be nobody to mediate!"
โ๏ธ Sherlock Holmes and the Pink Hair Ladies
33 seconds ยท Clipped by fragglet ยท Original video "Stewart Lee - [2/2] Give It To Me Straight, Like Pear Cider That's Made From 100% Pears" by evilferris
webhat@fraggle @Natasha_Jay isn't that all of Stewart Lee's comedy ๐
HilaryHmm, yeah, this reminds me of the day, more than 20 years ago, when I was walking along Praed Street, carrying my small baby in a sling and a very obviously gay guy stopped me to ask if I knew how to find the Jefferiss Wing.
After I'd told him, you go that way, turn second (not first) right, then turn back and it's just there on your left...
I went on my way wondering what it is about me that signals I know the precise location of every major sexual health clinic in London
Coralie Renรฉe@Natasha_Jay so cool. ๐ฅฐ
John Faithfull ๐๐ช๐บ๐ด๓ ง๓ ข๓ ณ๓ ฃ๓ ด๓ ฟ๐งกโ๐ปโ๐ฟ
Blamellors@Natasha_Jay love this . Happy Holidays!
Paul CantrellBrings to mind a favorite saying of mine: โAlways be yourself, so that the people who are looking for you can find youโ
SpaceLifeFormLong ago, in DC, I could not board the Metro. Why? Because I only had a $100 bill left, and the ticket machine would not accept more than a $20.
A black lady also using the Metro realized my situation after I asked if she had change.
She did not have enough, but she did give me a $20.
$10 would have worked, probably $5, but she did not have those.
I asked if I could return her the money, but she told me not to worry about it.
I returned the good deed to someone else later.
Ian Wagner@Natasha_Jay @ekuber man that hits deepโฆ
Broken Reality@Natasha_Jay I love this story. Itโs very true that sometimes elders know more about you than you think, simply from the way you present yourself at first glance, like, your eyes, your demeanor, your fashion style, your speech, your tone. They can notice these things more than we do. They just normally dont care and dont like to talk about it. Donโt underestimate elders, only Alzheimer can beat their wisdom
Len
Udder Delight