Adrianna Tan

There is a term in Chinese I think about. Sometimes we say ‘this person 会做人 / 不会做人’ (hui4 zuo4 ren2 / bu2 hui4 zuo4 ren2)

Broadly, it’s like ‘this person knows how to be a person / doesn’t know how to be one’.

Sometimes it is applied to some unwritten rules like ‘know how to bring a fruit gift to an elder family friend’. Or like ‘bring a tasty treat to your mother in law if she really likes food and you’re at a shop that sells her fave snacks get her some’.

But more broadly it means ‘someone who thinks of other people’.

My grandparents / parents often said they didn’t care about what my accomplishments were or weren’t, as long as I knew how to ‘be a person’, and how to be kind. I feel that’s important to me too.

#Chinese #Languages

Sep 2, 2025 at 6:27pmWeb
Show threadAdrianna TanSep 2, 2025

It annoys me sometimes that in some East Asian cultures it can veer too much into ‘but what will people think of me’?

But a sprinkling of ‘think of other people sometimes. Pls’ would be nice

Show threadAdrianna TanSep 2, 2025
I think what I like about it is this is more of a verb (it isn’t ’a person who has it or doesn’t have it’) but rather it’s you do it or you don’t so in that sense anybody can start to do that
Show threadPeteSep 2, 2025

@skinnylatte

If it's transactional it can become unhealthy.

Show threadChèvre MousseSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte Makes me think of "savoir-vivre" (knowledge of living), which only means etiquette/civility/politeness
Show threadAdrianna TanSep 2, 2025
@legendarybassoon ooh yeah
Show threadChèvre MousseSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte But "il/elle sait vivre" means they're nice people, and "un bon vivant" means someone who eats and drinks (and is therefore joyful)
Show threadSteve GisselbrechtSep 2, 2025

@legendarybassoon @skinnylatte

And Italian "sapere vivire" (exactly the same "to know how to live"), which I'm told the Italians use for those folks that come up with the right thing to say in the moment, charm the angry person, and generally smooth the waters of the world as they move through it.

Show threadAmandineSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte that's beautiful. And I do think it's important.
Show threadStephenSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte seems like a cousin of Yiddish "mensh" (literally "human"), used as a term of approval for a thoughtful, decent person.
Show threadAdrianna TanSep 2, 2025
@stephen Yes!
Show threadRoy #EatTheRich Pardee 🇺🇸Sep 2, 2025
@stephen @skinnylatte had this same thought
Show threadjz.tuskSep 2, 2025

@stephen @skinnylatte

Yup, I immediately thought of 'sei mensch', i.e. 'be a mensch', which is one of the most damning things a Jewish parent can say to you.

Show threadNeville ParkSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte ah, like Yiddish "mensch" (mentsh, מענטש), literally just "person"—but I think the extra sense of "an honorable person" is well known in English now
Show threadRSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte interesting. i only have strongly negative associations with that phrase and only know it in relation to unwritten rules. it was (and still is, to a large extent) one of the biggest things that pushed me towards a militant "american individualism" attitude
Show threadAdrianna TanSep 2, 2025
@r yeah the veering into ‘expecting and punishing people who don’t meet the criteria’ bits is the downside of this
Show threadGeoffreyWinnSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte I want to know how to be a person!
Show threadyour auntifa liza 🇵🇷 🦛 🦦Sep 2, 2025

i like that it’s PEOPLE, without a qualifier. in Puerto Rico all the rules of etiquette and ethics revolve around being BUENA GENTE. good people always visit with food in hand; especially if you drop-in, unannounced. good people look after all the kids in your neighborhood, not just your kids or the kids’ next door. and the list goes on and one.

so the implication of buena gente is that there are mala gente. in Chinese though, if they are not people, what are they?

@skinnylatte

Show threadKevin RiggleSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte We had a version of this in college where we said that someone “had clue” or “were clueful” if they were very knowledgeable, and “had pants” or “were pantsful” if they, you know, had pants. Competence, resourcefulness, poise, tact. I like this “they know how to be a person” for this too, I think even better, though
Show threadAbieSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte In French we call it "savoir vivre" = knowing how to live :)
Show threadOrca 🌻 | 🎀 | 🪁 | 🏴🏳️‍⚧️Sep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte
Uh I feels "how 会做人 someone is" mostly means "how good is someone at following society's norm" and "how good is someone at avoiding butting head with others".
Show threadAdrianna TanSep 2, 2025
@Orca I see how it can be that way when it’s used to punish or criticize for not doing it! I’ve also seen it used positively
Show threadGum on China’s ShoeSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte A propos of nothing…
Show thread阜日木Sep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte
Or you get a hot stare😂
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlltVgZjKeM&pp=0gcJCRsBo7VqN5tD
All Paddington Hard Stares ! ( 1 To 3 Movies ! )

YouTube
Show threadMadagascar_SkySep 2, 2025

@skinnylatte

Does that mean neuro-spicy people are fucked because they cannot understand rules not laid out clearly?

Show threadAndrea Magnorsky 😹 🦙Sep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte this is such a nice concept!
Show threadThree plus or minus fiveSep 2, 2025
@skinnylatte I’ve heard older family say in English: “He’s not really much of a person” which has similar meanings I think
Show threadTrip KSep 3, 2025
@skinnylatte It sounds a bit to this outsider like the Jewish / Yiddish adminition to be a mensch, a human, to be humane and considerate.
Show threadDavid Mitchell Sep 3, 2025

@skinnylatte

You know how to be a whole person when you can see - like really see - other people.

It’s a beautiful concept.

Show threadBP WalkerSep 3, 2025
@skinnylatte thought this would be right up your street Merlin @hotdogsladies