JA WestenbergI'm Exhausted By My Own Cynicism.
A thread. ๐งต
1/16
It started as self preservation.
After enough disappointments, enough promises broken, enough grand plans that fizzled into nothing, I developed a knee-jerk cynicism that felt like wisdom.
2/16
The ability to spot the flaws before anyone else. To see why things wouldn't work before they even launched.
3/16
To be the voice of reason in rooms full of dreamers.
But somewhere along the way, that voice got too loud.
4/16
Lately, I've caught myself rolling my eyes at enthusiasm. I watch someone get excited about their new idea and my first instinct is to catalog the ways it will fail. Not maliciously - I tell myself I'm being helpful, realistic, saving them from future pain. But the truth is uglier than that.
5/16
I've become addicted to being right about things going wrong.
6/16
Cynicism feels sophisticated. It makes me feel like I understand how the world really works while others are stuck in naive fantasies. There's a certain pride in predicting failure, in being the one who saw it coming when everyone else was caught off guard.
7/16
I've built an identity around being unsurprised by disappointment.
8/16
But I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the weight of always expecting the worst. I'm tired of the way cynicism closes doors before I even know what's behind them. I'm tired of how it makes me a spectator to other folks' hope instead of actively participating in my own.
9/16
What if I'm wrong about being right all the time? What if my cynicism is laziness - a way to avoid the vulnerable work of believing in something that might not work out? It's much easier to be skeptical than to be invested. Much safer to predict failure than to risk disappointment.
10/16
The optimist in me used to see possibility everywhere. Yes, that led to some spectacular failures and embarrassing miscalculations. But it also led to the best things I've ever done, the most meaningful connections I've made, the work I'm most proud of.
11/16
None of that happened because I was realistic about the odds.
I'm starting to think that cynicism isn't the opposite of naivety; it's just naivety in a different direction. The naive optimist believes everything will work out. The naive cynic believes nothing will.
12/16
Both avoid the harder work of engaging with reality as it actually unfolds, messy and unpredictable and occasionally miraculous.
13/16
I want to get back to building things instead of just critiquing them. I want to be surprised by success instead of satisfied by failure. I want to care about the outcome more than I care about being right.
14/16
Most of all, I want to remember what it feels like to hope for something without immediately calculating the probability of disappointment.
The world has enough people explaining why things won't work. What it needs are people willing to be wrong about the possibility that they might.
15/16
I'm ready to be naive again.
Starting now.
16/16
Elisabeth@Daojoan <3 I can relate more than I am comfortable to admit just yet
Florian Weber@inderkuerze @Daojoan same! โค๏ธโ๐ฉน
Mark Struberg@fnwbr @inderkuerze @Daojoan To a certain degree this is also a healthy thing (if not overdone).
If there is a team which only consists of 'dreamers' then they will blew most projects. A voice which points out the most obvious flaws helps in this case. Otoh a team of only pessimists will not flourish as well. It's all about the right mix imo!
If there is a team which only consists of 'dreamers' then they will blew most projects. A voice which points out the most obvious flaws helps in this case. Otoh a team of only pessimists will not flourish as well. It's all about the right mix imo!
Tane Piper โ@Daojoan I'm in this thread and I don't like it
Bruno Girin
Hylke Bons ๐ฅ@Daojoan at the same time: people telling me something can't be done is my fuel. ๐ฅ
Laura J. Wilkinson@Daojoan I think thereโs another option: a choice between becoming cynical (as you describe) or sceptical - a tempered naรฏvetรฉ born of experience, one that selects the most promising options and tries out wireframes before throwing everything you have at an idea
Dr Pen@Daojoan this is called growing up. And many people stop at this point as if it's the destination of maturity. But, no, reaching beyond into the next level of hoping and doing and taking chances goes beyond that and though you'll get called immature and *childish*, you're just being alive. Not giving up. Never give up .
แดฎแตโฟ แดฟแตสธแถแตVOTE IN THE PRIMARIES
Vassil Nikolov | ะะฐัะธะป ะะธะบะพะปะพะฒโ
the mindless cynicism of the teenager is as foolish as the naive idealism of the child
any adult who carries either into chronological maturity is lacking in cognitive maturity
which is not a judgment nor condemnation: we all mature at different rates, and everyone deserves a helping hand
the judgment or condemnation comes when the adult doubles down in stubborn clinging to cynicism or idealism when met with the patient helping hand
Tim Panton@Daojoan Good for you! Read some solar-punk, avoid excessive news.
Build small things that work, which it seems to be to be what you have already started doing with theindex.
Build small things that work, which it seems to be to be what you have already started doing with theindex.
mcSlibinas@Daojoan no need to jump back. You did long way. Because you has a reason. Now you see issues. Amazing! Get the new ideas to go further!
Naivety to start, cynism to prepare plan, new hope to build.
Cynism is still useful in small doses, sometimes enough just to have possibility to be cynic.
And don't listen to internet strangers like me ๐ซก
well said
cynicism in and of itself is not wrong per se
it's very useful to use it to look at the other side of a thought
then we can accept the cynical analysis and try a different thought, reject the cynical analysis, or alter the original thought to incorporate the cynical observation
what we can't do is make cynicism our entire personality, the beginning and ending of our entire thought processes
that's pretty much the death of {gestures broadly}
Franรงois @Jura
@FrancoisPrague @mcSlibinas @Daojoan
exactly
1. #idealism is a form of failure. which is not a condemnation of idealistic people. we all start out as idealists in life
2. #cynicism, as idealism's mirror image, is also a failure. it's what naturally follows from step 1 because of inevitable adversity
3. maturity is using idealistic thoughts to guide you, but filtering it through what cynicism teaches:
the problem is people stuck on step 1/ 2
all of us should strive to reach step 3
โฆ ๐ Gus Posey@benroyce "Idealism is a form of failure."
๐คฏ
Mr. Completely
cpsask@Daojoan Do it! Start small to redevelop the โbeing naiveโ muscle. You can get there.
BlueTeamSherpa 
@Daojoan you didnโt ask for advice. I have no expectation of you, so no pressure.
A _possible_ way to break the addiction is to find a non-profit you can support and go volunteer. If itโs a pet shelter, go. If itโs packing bags of food at a food bank, go. Whatever cause floats your boat, go.
not every pet gets adopted, but some do. There will always be hungry people in the world, but youโll have a part of feeding some of them. Even though successes wonโt be 100%, youโll know that youโve had a part in making the world a better place and youโll be able to focus on successes rather than the failures of the world.
again, I have no expectation that youโll do this, but that might be a way to lift you out of your cynicism. Regardless of what path you take or donโt, I wish you the best.
joncamfield@Daojoan so much this. Iโve professionalized finding the failure points. Thatโs fine, Iโm good at it. But if I donโt have opportunities to build and create it gets overwhelmingly dark. Especially currently.
James BrittThank you.
Cynicism is the death of passion. It kills joy. I try to be on guard for it.
It feels like the next-door neighbor of despair.
Martijn Faassen@Daojoan
Thank you for sharing this. I struggle with cynicism at times. It's an impulse that becomes more strong with experience. If you are good at patterns and systems it's easy to become cynical.
But cynicism lacks cognitive humility, works against my openness and risks my ability to grow. I treasure my curiosity and my sense of wonder about the world and its people.
I sat down to write this poem a few months ago to dispel the darkness and winter and my fears for today.
Jeremy Janzen 
@Daojoan The hardest thing is learning to treat yourself as you would a dear friend or a child, to be curious and compassionate. Naivety is a beautiful condition that causes children to look at the world with eyes full of wonder. Its crouching down and noticing the beauty of the weeds in the garden, the smell of junipers in the summer heat, the sensation of walking in the rain, the sounds the insects make in the evening or the taste of a dandelion flower sampled from a wild hillside.
Mike T.@Daojoan I have read enough of your work to know you arenโt asking for advice. I believe you are sharing your journey with us and this thread is a way to let us also share in your path ahead.
Thatโs the part that gives me hope, brings me back to earth. Gives me hope that someone I admire has some clues to share, will help me focus on my own cynicism and ways to push through it.
Thank you.
Thatโs the part that gives me hope, brings me back to earth. Gives me hope that someone I admire has some clues to share, will help me focus on my own cynicism and ways to push through it.
Thank you.
Martin@Daojoan
Well told.
Better naive and curious than stuck in a predictable cell.
Let's go, as long our energy isn't drained.
๐๐๐
the worst is #cynicism about #politics
cynicism is acceptance, #prematureCapitulation
cynicism is malice and abuse that you've internalized
it doesn't mean you try the same crap that didn't work before
but it means you try something
always, forever
that's not crazy
that's just life
there is always adversity
you must always deal with it
the worst you can do is shrink from it and yield to it
be a happy warrior
10,000 arrows incoming?
smile and move forward
anilmc@Daojoan feel this hard. getting traumatised by an invested failure* then using the phantom of sensible risk management to do catastrophic litanies of what if like an insurance against future bad bets, demoralising all around as I do so
Janeishly@Daojoan I think the "change your profile pic to Clippy" thing actually works really well here. As the guy in the video says, Clippy might have been annoying, but it just wanted to help. That's all. It didn't want to sell you anything, it just genuinely and innocently wanted to make your life better.
As a revolutionary symbol, I really can't think of anything better.
Jorge Candeias@Daojoan That's one hell of a thread. Thank you.
recursive ๐ณ๏ธโ๐@Daojoan Its hard. It takes a lot of effort and willingness to be vulnerable and face grief to continue finding optimism again and again
Alexander KarnAdmire this kind of self-awareness. Good luck rekindling the flame.
R.L. Dane 
๐ต 
Been thinking along this line the past couple days. I feel like I just woke up and realized that I've spent the past seven years in incredible bitterness, thinking it was only truthfulness/watchfulness.
Something really horrible broke off of me when I looked up and realized that I had lost the ability to be compassionate towards those I thought were evil.
liliacea@Daojoan Thank you for sharing these thoughts! ๐งก
bmaxvMost importantly, believing in hope and success is a necessary condition for productive creativity. You *must* believe that whatever you want to try can work, otherwise, why even try?
Also, framing. If you are so certain that some things fail, identify the problem, prevent it next time and try again. (If being a cynic had made anyone smart or wise, that should be easy).
You're not failing, you're gathering data.
Mike Johnson@Daojoan ๐ฏ sometimes one has to believe not because it's provably true but because it's how you who to be. It's better to be wrong sometimes than to expect the worst all the time
Jeff Loeb@Daojoan Thank you. Superb reflection and exploration on mood and possibility. A lot to admire.
David Runge@Daojoan right!
Cory Doctorow a while back was elaborating on his approach to optimism/pessimism vs. hope which is somewhat similar.
What stuck with me there was that he considered both optimism/pessimism as two sides of the same coin of not engaging with the actual future/idea.
I like hope as replacement ๐
Sara Joy 
@dvzrv @Daojoan me too. I can be concerned about all the things that can and probably will go wrong, or I can hang onto hope.
My claws are pretty tired of clinging onto the shreds of hope, but I REFUSE to let go. If I let the hope slip, I collapse into a big puddle of tears and depression, and am of no use - to myself or anyone who depends on me.
Sunanda@Daojoan you are so brave for realizing this and moving away from it. Many intelligent people fall into this pit because they are good at seeing patterns and they understand that sometimes the odds are not in favour of the dreamers.
But here's the deal: the optimists know it too. Hope is a choice - of trying something that feels right in your heart, even when the probability is not great. Welcome back.
@Daojoan Great thread. You should absolutely go for it. In my thirties I got cynical about everything and I got completely unproductive, uncreative and unsatisfied. I managed to turn it around and started writing and playing music again, ignoring my inner critique. I really enjoy it and never been more productive.
๐๐ท๐ญ๐๐ฃ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ญ๐๐ฎ ๐คThis is a highly useful tool skill for an engineer. Find all the failure modes and try to fix them.
Many of us on the Fediverse are engineers.
ideaPDishPattern wreck ignition?