tomate 🍅

One of the many treats of #ADHD I hate the most: ADHDers have no internal motivation and rely completely on external motivation: urgency, novelty, pressure, competition and the need to belong. Except novelty they require negative emotions: anxiety and fear for urgency and pressure, competition and need to belong require shame. Hyperfocus is not for oneself but caused by seek for novelty.

To have ADHD is to battle negativ emotions all the time by doing stuff for _others_ and not for oneself. >>

Jul 31, 2025 at 6:34amWeb
Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025

>> This is why many ADHDers have a comorbidity like depression, anxiety disorder, codependency or an addiction.

This is why many ADHDers are people pleasers.

Cleaning up because someone is coming to visit? Of course, let‘s do the deep clean in 3 hours!

For myself? There is no motivation. Of course I enjoy a cleaned up and somehow tidy living room. But this is not a motivator. >>

Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025

>> The traits coming with #ADHD are not a super power but steady injection of fear, shame and anxiety.

I would trade all the stuff I know because of hyperfocus for not having the negative emotions all the time. I would trade them for being able to do things for myself and not because of external motivators. I would trad eurem for just having this thoughts stop.

Edit: I wrote a lenghty post aout this and other ADHD symptoms https://jascha.wtf/living-with-adhd-between-stereotypes-and-neurobiological-reality/

Living with ADHD: Between Stereotypes and Neurobiological Reality

Over the past months, I've been sharing observations about ADHD in the fediverse. Raw, unfiltered posts about the daily reality of living with this neurological condition. These posts have resonated with many people, but they've also prompted requests for sources, elaboration, and deeper analysis of

jascha.wtf
Show threadcommandlinehoolJul 31, 2025
@jascha damn I knew the connection with external pressure but not the link to negative emotions. Well that explains a lot :/
Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025
@shorterirl For example the fear to get blamed is a harder motivator than the joy of getting praise. An ADHD person needs a higher level of serotonin/dopamin to feel happy than a neurotypical person. But we gain the same ammount of these transmitters as nt folks when we get praise. It is not enough.
Show threadcommandlinehoolJul 31, 2025
@jascha I knew about the serotonin/dopamine but never thought about the amount we get by praise/shame. So it’s a bad thing my environment is so supportive and never blames me if I can’t manage to do something :D
Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025

@shorterirl No it is good because constant anxiety/fear/shame leads to comorbidities. The constant stress leads to exhaustion.

It is good to havbe a supportive environment.

Show threadKattiJul 31, 2025
@jascha @shorterirl I wish I could embrace praise as much as I accept rejection.
Show threadlinoJul 31, 2025
@Katti @jascha @shorterirl Praise is unbearable.
Show threadERRORSMITHJul 31, 2025
@jascha @shorterirl Wait, what? Praise is that relevant a motivator?
Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025
@fr2 @shorterirl for neurotypical folks? yes.
Show threadLudovic Archivist LagouardetteJul 31, 2025
@jascha @shorterirl at this point praise may not even exist. All I can think to do with any form of praise is dismiss it
Show threadein kleines zJul 31, 2025
@jascha
I hate finding myself relate to that. Now my idea that therapy might help me change that seems more unrealistic to me...
Show threadI. L. VilliamJul 31, 2025
@kleines_z @jascha I'm not sure if that counts, because I'm probably AuDHD, not ADHD, but I was able to change a lot about those things and mostly don't use negative motivators anymore.
Show threadein kleines zJul 31, 2025
@Drude @jascha
I'm intrigued to ask you: How?
Show threadI. L. VilliamJul 31, 2025

@kleines_z @jascha I stopped doing things that hurt.

I couldn't bring myself to hurt me anymore. Clean, because someone is coming? Couldn't. Pack my stuff, because I moved and it had to be packed? Couldn't. I was paralyzed by the things that used to motivate me.

So I had to find new things.

Wasn't comfortable, and without help not possible, I guess.

Show threadein kleines zJul 31, 2025
@Drude @jascha
Oh, yes, that doesn't sound like a way one could deliberately choose
Show threadGroßStadtPflanze Aug 1, 2025
@Drude Ich hab „nur“ ADHS, habe aber über 50 Jahre gelebt, ohne das zu wissen. Ich hab so unendliche viele Strategien entwickelt. Und das gehört auch dazu. Ich weiß, dass ich mich gut fühlen werde und das hilft oft. @kleines_z @jascha
Show threadJonathan NoackJul 31, 2025
@jascha 100% agree
Show threadDer GigaJul 31, 2025
@jascha Those 3 hours deep clean give a false impression.
They will get interrupted by something, even a break, after 30 minutes.
Show threadrtnJul 31, 2025
@jascha This is me!
Show threadcryptixJul 31, 2025
@rtn @jascha same
Show threadGroßStadtPflanze Aug 1, 2025
@jascha Da bin ich bei dir. Aber da hab ich keine Angst. Sondern weiß, dass ich mich selbst sehr freue und nutze den Besuch als zusätzliche Motivation zu meiner eigenen Freude (die, wie du richtig schreibst, oft nicht ganz ausreicht).
Show threadSchmo-FuJul 31, 2025

@jascha Looking at my own (undiagnosed and untreated) life I would agree. My kid (diagnosed) on the other hand is internally motivated. Still motivated, I should say because I recognize the abrasive effects of school and close relatives that demand „regular“ behavior.
But is it an inherent problem or a learned behavior?

(I’d be interested in resources/studies, if you have some.)

Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025

@schmofu ADHD presents with other symptoms in children than a persistent in folks beyond puberty. They present different in tretead vs untretead. They present different for treated (which can be an accepting environment, behaviourly therapy or medication) in young age or late age.

It is really a bag full of surprises.

Show threadCarolin (Kamera-)KramJul 31, 2025
@jascha @schmofu Worst surprise bag ever, tbh. 😅
Show threadF4GRX SébastienJul 31, 2025
@jascha it's exhausting.
Show threadtartine ✊Jul 31, 2025
@jascha I don’t know if I have adhd, but relate so much with it. I do not comprehend when my therapist tells me I’m a people pleaser because I don’t want to please people but I’m afraid not to. Thank for putting this into words.
Show threadlucieJul 31, 2025
@[email protected] this made me think, so thanks. i have ADHD and while i'm also this driven, self-pressuring person, my gut reaction was that i don't feel (or don't want to feel) that my personality is mostly built on negative foundations. i feel that capitalism is mostly responsible for my pressures and pains, and i could relax more if either: 1. i had gamed capitalism to the max (FIRE etc), but it feels ethically wrong 2. cost of life in safe and interesting places was not so damn high. otoh i always had big issues relaxing on vacations, which was only recently fixed through medication.
Show threadlucieJul 31, 2025
@[email protected] @[email protected] the new way i see it at the moment is that i had trained myself over all those years that i can only be visible and meaningfully interact with others through the work i do, which i now realize is a problem, and my new goal is to find visibility and connection outside of having to work for it
Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025
@lucie You have not trained yourself but did what gave yourself the best reactions in your brain. This is a coping mechanism.
Show threadlucieJul 31, 2025
@[email protected] that's what i mean, pavlovian conditioning
Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025
@lucie Ah, I got you wrong, my bad. Now I get it.
Show threadfreiheitsgradJul 31, 2025
@jascha Danke für den Perspektivwechsel!
Show threadSarah [7252]Jul 31, 2025
@jascha fuck. That's a point of view I haven't had before. It makes total sense.
Thanks. Another piece of my life's puzzle.
Show threaddas_menschyAug 1, 2025

@jascha Hm, that's not true for me.

Maybe I don't have ADHD, although I am diagnosed with it.

I have intrinsive motivation to go cycling. I love cycling and repairing bicycles. Nobody has to say that I should go cycling.

Show threadtomate 🍅Aug 1, 2025
@das_menschy there is not enough space in a post to break down what you just said - it does not contradict what I stated.
Show threadGroßStadtPflanze Aug 1, 2025
@jascha Hm, ich mag nicht, dass du das als allgemeingültige Tatsache formulierst. MmADHS sind unterschiedlich. ADHS hat ein Spektrum von Aspekten, die unterschiedl. ausgeprägt sind. Lebenserfahrung führt bei mir dazu, dass ich Sachen erledige, weil ich weiß, dass ich mich gut fühle, wenn ich sie getan habe. Mir hilft es, das laut auszusprechen: So, jetzt habe ich xy gemacht, es war nicht schlimm und ich ich fühle mich jetzt gut (offenbar führt das Hören zu schnellerer Veränderung im Hirn).
Show threadtomate 🍅Aug 1, 2025
@exil_inselette was ich lese: „Ich mag nicht dass du meine Realität nicht abbildest weil ich noch nie von Normalverteilung gehört habe und ich für mich Mechanismen haben, die funktionieren und das muss ich jetzt kritisieren denn wo kommen wir denn hin wenn die Ränder der Normalverteilung keine Beachtung finden.“
Show threadtomate 🍅Aug 1, 2025
@exil_inselette und: das ist keine interne Motivation, sondern externe, indem du es dir aussprichst und durch Hören verarbeitest. Ja, Hören ist für solche Sachen viel besser als „denken“.
Show threadGroßStadtPflanze Aug 1, 2025
@jascha Dann hab ich das wohl so geschrieben. Auch, wenn ich das nicht gemeint habe.