tomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025

One of the many treats of #ADHD I hate the most: ADHDers have no internal motivation and rely completely on external motivation: urgency, novelty, pressure, competition and the need to belong. Except novelty they require negative emotions: anxiety and fear for urgency and pressure, competition and need to belong require shame. Hyperfocus is not for oneself but caused by seek for novelty.

To have ADHD is to battle negativ emotions all the time by doing stuff for _others_ and not for oneself. >>

Show threadtomate 🍅

>> This is why many ADHDers have a comorbidity like depression, anxiety disorder, codependency or an addiction.

This is why many ADHDers are people pleasers.

Cleaning up because someone is coming to visit? Of course, let‘s do the deep clean in 3 hours!

For myself? There is no motivation. Of course I enjoy a cleaned up and somehow tidy living room. But this is not a motivator. >>

Jul 31, 2025 at 6:40amWeb
Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025

>> The traits coming with #ADHD are not a super power but steady injection of fear, shame and anxiety.

I would trade all the stuff I know because of hyperfocus for not having the negative emotions all the time. I would trade them for being able to do things for myself and not because of external motivators. I would trad eurem for just having this thoughts stop.

Edit: I wrote a lenghty post aout this and other ADHD symptoms https://jascha.wtf/living-with-adhd-between-stereotypes-and-neurobiological-reality/

Living with ADHD: Between Stereotypes and Neurobiological Reality

Over the past months, I've been sharing observations about ADHD in the fediverse. Raw, unfiltered posts about the daily reality of living with this neurological condition. These posts have resonated with many people, but they've also prompted requests for sources, elaboration, and deeper analysis of

jascha.wtf
Show threadcommandlinehoolJul 31, 2025
@jascha damn I knew the connection with external pressure but not the link to negative emotions. Well that explains a lot :/
Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025
@shorterirl For example the fear to get blamed is a harder motivator than the joy of getting praise. An ADHD person needs a higher level of serotonin/dopamin to feel happy than a neurotypical person. But we gain the same ammount of these transmitters as nt folks when we get praise. It is not enough.
Show threadcommandlinehoolJul 31, 2025
@jascha I knew about the serotonin/dopamine but never thought about the amount we get by praise/shame. So it’s a bad thing my environment is so supportive and never blames me if I can’t manage to do something :D
Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025

@shorterirl No it is good because constant anxiety/fear/shame leads to comorbidities. The constant stress leads to exhaustion.

It is good to havbe a supportive environment.

Show threadKattiJul 31, 2025
@jascha @shorterirl I wish I could embrace praise as much as I accept rejection.
Show threadlinoJul 31, 2025
@Katti @jascha @shorterirl Praise is unbearable.
Show threadERRORSMITHJul 31, 2025
@jascha @shorterirl Wait, what? Praise is that relevant a motivator?
Show threadtomate 🍅Jul 31, 2025
@fr2 @shorterirl for neurotypical folks? yes.
Show threadLudovic Archivist LagouardetteJul 31, 2025
@jascha @shorterirl at this point praise may not even exist. All I can think to do with any form of praise is dismiss it
Show threadein kleines zJul 31, 2025
@jascha
I hate finding myself relate to that. Now my idea that therapy might help me change that seems more unrealistic to me...
Show threadI. L. VilliamJul 31, 2025
@kleines_z @jascha I'm not sure if that counts, because I'm probably AuDHD, not ADHD, but I was able to change a lot about those things and mostly don't use negative motivators anymore.
Show threadein kleines zJul 31, 2025
@Drude @jascha
I'm intrigued to ask you: How?
Show threadI. L. VilliamJul 31, 2025

@kleines_z @jascha I stopped doing things that hurt.

I couldn't bring myself to hurt me anymore. Clean, because someone is coming? Couldn't. Pack my stuff, because I moved and it had to be packed? Couldn't. I was paralyzed by the things that used to motivate me.

So I had to find new things.

Wasn't comfortable, and without help not possible, I guess.

Show threadein kleines zJul 31, 2025
@Drude @jascha
Oh, yes, that doesn't sound like a way one could deliberately choose
Show threadGroßStadtPflanze Aug 1, 2025
@Drude Ich hab „nur“ ADHS, habe aber über 50 Jahre gelebt, ohne das zu wissen. Ich hab so unendliche viele Strategien entwickelt. Und das gehört auch dazu. Ich weiß, dass ich mich gut fühlen werde und das hilft oft. @kleines_z @jascha
Show threadJonathan NoackJul 31, 2025
@jascha 100% agree
Show threadDer GigaJul 31, 2025
@jascha Those 3 hours deep clean give a false impression.
They will get interrupted by something, even a break, after 30 minutes.
Show threadrtnJul 31, 2025
@jascha This is me!
Show threadcryptixJul 31, 2025
@rtn @jascha same
Show threadGroßStadtPflanze Aug 1, 2025
@jascha Da bin ich bei dir. Aber da hab ich keine Angst. Sondern weiß, dass ich mich selbst sehr freue und nutze den Besuch als zusätzliche Motivation zu meiner eigenen Freude (die, wie du richtig schreibst, oft nicht ganz ausreicht).