i did not know about the hand signal for help me, and my stupid ass thought she was flirting.

The Signal for Help (or the Violence at Home Signal for Help) is a single-handed gesture that can be used over a video call or in person by an individual to alert others that they feel threatened and need help.[1] Originally, the signal was created as a tool to combat the rise in domestic violence cases around the world linked to self-isolation measures that were related to the COVID-19 pandemic.[2]

The signal is performed by holding one hand up with the thumb tucked into the palm, then folding the four other fingers down, symbolically trapping the thumb by the rest of the fingers.[3] It was designed intentionally as a single continuous hand movement, rather than a sign held in one position, so it could be made easily visible.

The Signal for Help was created by the Canadian Women's Foundation and introduced on April 14, 2020.[4] It soon spread via the TikTok social video platform and was adopted by the international Women's Funding Network (WFN). It received widespread praise from Canadian[5] and international[6][7] news organizations for helping provide a modern solution to the issue of a rise in domestic violence cases.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signal_for_Help

did you know the hand signal for help me?
yes
27.8%
no
72.2%
Poll ended at .
@amiserabilist
And thank you for bringing this to everyone's attention. Abuse occurs more than many realize.
@amiserabilist yes — what I still don’t know is what the fuck you’re supposed to do when you see it
SnowyCA :vivaldi_red: (@[email protected])

@[email protected] Paul, please allow me to share an article that explains what to do if you see someone flash the hand signal for help. https://canadianwomen.org/signal-for-help/

Vivaldi Social
*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn (@[email protected])

@[email protected] Quick & dirty summary: Reach out discreetly; and let them tell you what they need/are in a position to safely accept. - Call them and ask yes or no questions, e.g. Do you want me to call the police? Do you need a ride somewhere? Can I find a shelter for you? Do you want me to come over? Can I bring you anything? - Or text, chat, social media, etc; & ask general questions: How are you doing? How can I help you out? Can we get together sometime soon? - Keep checking in periodically, unless they ask you not to.

beige.party
@ombremad @amiserabilist There are some other ideas around this thread, I'd recommend checking out :)

@shaedrich @amiserabilist oof. I’m highly skeptical about those advices, because I feel like it’s only going to expose to victim to further retaliation.

Actually some organizations outright advise against direct intervention because of that. ie. https://www.pcadv.org/about-abuse/intervention/

There’s no clear and definitive answer to this, admittedly, but I wish this specific initiative made use of more cautious language. Willing to help someone is not enough, and putting them in an even greater danger down the road is also, unfortunately, something that happens. I fear the savior syndrome would make bystanders feel like it’s more about themselves and their ability to help, and less about the victim.

What to Do When You See or Suspect Abuse - PCADV

Intervention in a domestic violence situation can be difficult. Learn how to identify abuse, how to help someone, how to report abuse, & more.

PCADV
@ombremad @amiserabilist Good point 👍🏻 Thanks for sharing, I had a feeling pointing in that direction at the back of my mind when watching the video and reading the thread, but I couldn't articulate that well enough and didn't know what the right reaction would be since I can neither draw from experience nor have I encountered such a training before, so this is definitely helpful 👍🏻

@amiserabilist i have seen this before, yeah. few years back.

unfortunately it was in the context of some q-adjacent poster who had turned their brain into a machine that generates paranoid hypervigilance by ingesting a diet of uncut true-crime podcasts, news-and-news-adjacent coverage with the filter cut off, save the children telegram channels and other such healthy things.

@amiserabilist it was part of a big 'psa' post warning people that, among other things, a zip-tie on a fence that means the family inside is going to be kidnapped, and someone ordering a certain shot at the bar is a signal to the bartender that they want help to human traffic you, a somewhat confused summary of the 'angel shot' signal and some good advice regarding drink spilking. it was all interspersed with anecdotes, friend-of-a-friend 'eyewitness' accounts & telegram copypasta.

@amiserabilist
i remember it because i looked it up, along with all the other stuff, as part of my reply on patron safety from the point of view of the bar staff.

my input was pretty well recieved by the OP at least, allthough they did double down on the universal efficacy of the angel shot thing.

@thegarbagebird

An angel shot is a code word used by guests in a bar or restaurant to let staff know that they require assistance because they feel unsafe.

It’s a discreet way for guests to ask for help from, say, a bartender in situations where they may potentially be in danger.

Types of angel shots: understanding the angel shot with a twist

Famous variations and types of angel shots include the following drink orders:

“Angel shot straight up” or “angel shot neat” — this indicates that the guest needs someone to escort them outside or to their car.

“On ice” or “on the rocks” — the bartender or staff member should call a taxi or ride service to take the patron home safely.

“With a lime” or “with a twist” — if a patron orders these variations, the bars’ staff should call the police (see below).

https://restaurant.eatapp.co/blog/angel-shot

never heard of this.

i think they have posters in the bogs telling you what to say if you feel unsafe.

What is an Angel Shot? Your Guide to the Silent Signal of Safety

Learn about the Angel Shot, a discreet code for women to signal for help in uncomfortable situations. Your guide to using and recognizing safety signals.

Blog

@amiserabilist yeah, it's a cool idea, but to give a quick rundown ofit is an opt-in, voluntary system that really does rely very much on each individual bar, and individual bartender, and their varying levels of agency. not to mention the broader cultural contexts.

some of the bars i’ve worked, ordering that will get you nothing but confusion as they scan the shelves and then let you know they don't have any, but if you tell them what's in it they can suggest something you might like.

other places, none of the blokes or younger staff would know would know what you were talking about, since it hadn't been a meme on the bartender exchange website they were all on, for like two years.
hell, i am not sure it ever really was anything other than a curiosity in many english speaking countries.

whereas in most countries there are a bunch of legislative conditions that come with running a bar, many of them related to patron safety.

@amiserabilist bars operate on condition of meeting these obligations, and as such most bars do regular training, education and maintenance with regards to the upkeep of these standards. it's a more reliable solution to know what these are, or at least what the bar policy is with regards to these obligations (in my experience a lot of the base level stuff can be pretty worked out just based on the vibes of the joint).

i feel like knowing who you can speak to any what their legal obligations are is more useful than an ad-hoc alert system, because if you use the angel shot code and still have a bad outcome, you have very little means of redress, other than telling people not to go there.
whereas if you know a bar has failed in its legal obligations with regards to duty of care and patron safety, you can get that fucker shut down.

i think I've seen it on a poster once in my life over here, years ago, in a place that ain't no longer there.

crap, I've basically just replicated the reply.

@amiserabilist like, i think the only reason i was so motivated to reply in the post that also had the safety sign, was that they were presenting the angel shot code as like, a global network of white-hat bartenders fighting abusers and human traffickers, which i thought was a potentially dangerous message to be putting out there, someone might rely on it in a time of need.
and like, wholesome things can become conspiracy theories too, which is something that has long been a concern of mine.

@thegarbagebird

it's fine.

for the prevalence of dv i have not seen any when out but plenty girls paralytic.

roofies are a big problem.

another issue is when people split up, they can't afford to move out.

my mate just stayed in the pub till closing, went home, went to work, rinse repeat.

hell.

@amiserabilist oh one hundred percent. my current place is phenomenal with that kind of thing, even down to confirming where drinks end up if we feel like there might be some irresponsible or deliberately malign alcohol use, and we watch standing drinks and dump-and-replace on request

@thegarbagebird

that was poetry binchicken.

@amiserabilist voted no because I have learned it in the past, but realized I couldn't remember the specifics. Thank you for posting, regular refreshers are important.
@amiserabilist no, but I do now! I don't think anyone's done it to me in person, that I know of.
@amiserabilist but what should I do if I see someone doing it? I don’t think I can call domestic violence police without knowing at least their name or where they live?
SnowyCA :vivaldi_red: (@[email protected])

@[email protected] Paul, please allow me to share an article that explains what to do if you see someone flash the hand signal for help. https://canadianwomen.org/signal-for-help/

Vivaldi Social
*sparkling anxiety* Evelyn (@[email protected])

@[email protected] Quick & dirty summary: Reach out discreetly; and let them tell you what they need/are in a position to safely accept. - Call them and ask yes or no questions, e.g. Do you want me to call the police? Do you need a ride somewhere? Can I find a shelter for you? Do you want me to come over? Can I bring you anything? - Or text, chat, social media, etc; & ask general questions: How are you doing? How can I help you out? Can we get together sometime soon? - Keep checking in periodically, unless they ask you not to.

beige.party
@luana @amiserabilist There are some other ideas around this thread, I'd recommend checking out :)
@amiserabilist I was at the mall yesterday, and one of the big screens in the walkways, the ones that usually show ads, had a short video showing and explaining the sign. Great idea.

@amiserabilist

I knew it but thanks for the refresher! This info needs to be repeated more widely.

@amiserabilist I did not know about this! Thanks!

@glasspusher

her hand movements reminded me of a tv show i used to love:

Fingerbobs is a British children's television programme made by Q3 for the BBC.

The first episode was broadcast on 14 February 1972 on BBC1 as part of Watch with Mother.[1] The show was created by Joanne and Michael Cole, who also created Bod. Only thirteen episodes were ever made and were regularly repeated until December 1984.

Presented by mime artist "Yoffy" (played by Canadian actor Rick Jones), each ten-minute episode told a story centred on a paper finger puppet animal and usually involved collecting various items (such as pebbles or feathers) to make up another object at the end. The finger puppets, each of whom had their own song, included:

Fingermouse – a mouse, consisting of a grey paper cone head with paper ears and whiskers with a grey glove for the body ("Fingermouse, Fingermouse/I am a sort of wondermouse"). Fingermouse later got his own show, with a new puppeteer, Play School's Iain Lauchlan, called "The Music Man". The Music Man would tell stories involving Fingermouse, using musical instruments.
Gulliver – a seagull made from a white ping-pong ball (head) placed over a thumb and white gloves forming the body with outstretched fingers as the wings. ("I spread my wings.")
Scampi – several scampi were made using purple gloves with red heads on each finger
Flash – a tortoise with a paper shell. ("Slowly, steadily, I move at my own pace/They call me Flash though I won't dash/Who wants to run a race?")

Other animal characters included Enoch the woodpecker, Scaredy the crow, Louise the squirrel, Prickly Friend the hedgehog and Gloria, a white mouse who appeared in the last edition as a girlfriend for Fingermouse. These creatures only made occasional appearances and did not have their own songs.

Fingermouse gained his own series in 1985. In this series, the focus was more on musical instruments. One series was made of thirteen programmes.

The memorable theme tune went "Yoffy lifts a finger, and a mouse is there/Puts his hands together, and a seagull takes the air/Yoffy lifts a finger, and a scampi darts about/Yoffy bends another, and a tortoise head peeps out/These hands were made for making, and making they must do."

After filming the last episode, Jones destroyed the mouse puppet while the camera was still rolling.[2]

Fingerbobs was referenced in the video of "A Town Called Hypocrisy" by Lostprophets.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fingerbobs

@amiserabilist I didn't know but this is something that needs to be shared everywhere
Haha the two ladies are like "nah not touchin that" and the guy is like "welp time to get involved!"

@amiserabilist

I did not know, NOW I KNOW!

(education is and should be continuous)

@oscarfalcon

we were not alone.

@amiserabilist

Yes and I kind of feel bad for not knowing that before now, but hey: Live and Learn!

@amiserabilist

SO many people are completely unaware!

@VeroniqueB99

1 in 5 adults experience Domestic Abuse during their lifetime. This equates to: 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6-7 men.

https://www.ncdv.org.uk/domestic-abuse-statistics-uk/

Domestic Abuse Statistics UK - NCDV

Domestic Abuse consists of any of the following:

NCDV
@amiserabilist I can't. It is how it is now. You can try to revert. I'm only moving forward.