paulJul 18, 2025

i did not know about the hand signal for help me, and my stupid ass thought she was flirting.

The Signal for Help (or the Violence at Home Signal for Help) is a single-handed gesture that can be used over a video call or in person by an individual to alert others that they feel threatened and need help.[1] Originally, the signal was created as a tool to combat the rise in domestic violence cases around the world linked to self-isolation measures that were related to the COVID-19 pandemic.[2]

The signal is performed by holding one hand up with the thumb tucked into the palm, then folding the four other fingers down, symbolically trapping the thumb by the rest of the fingers.[3] It was designed intentionally as a single continuous hand movement, rather than a sign held in one position, so it could be made easily visible.

The Signal for Help was created by the Canadian Women's Foundation and introduced on April 14, 2020.[4] It soon spread via the TikTok social video platform and was adopted by the international Women's Funding Network (WFN). It received widespread praise from Canadian[5] and international[6][7] news organizations for helping provide a modern solution to the issue of a rise in domestic violence cases.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signal_for_Help

Show threadpaulJul 18, 2025
did you know the hand signal for help me?
yes
27.8%
no
72.2%
Poll ended at .
Show threadthe gripe ibisJul 19, 2025

@amiserabilist i have seen this before, yeah. few years back.

unfortunately it was in the context of some q-adjacent poster who had turned their brain into a machine that generates paranoid hypervigilance by ingesting a diet of uncut true-crime podcasts, news-and-news-adjacent coverage with the filter cut off, save the children telegram channels and other such healthy things.

Show threadthe gripe ibisJul 19, 2025
@amiserabilist it was part of a big 'psa' post warning people that, among other things, a zip-tie on a fence that means the family inside is going to be kidnapped, and someone ordering a certain shot at the bar is a signal to the bartender that they want help to human traffic you, a somewhat confused summary of the 'angel shot' signal and some good advice regarding drink spilking. it was all interspersed with anecdotes, friend-of-a-friend 'eyewitness' accounts & telegram copypasta.
Show threadthe gripe ibisJul 19, 2025

@amiserabilist
i remember it because i looked it up, along with all the other stuff, as part of my reply on patron safety from the point of view of the bar staff.

my input was pretty well recieved by the OP at least, allthough they did double down on the universal efficacy of the angel shot thing.

Show threadpaulJul 19, 2025

@thegarbagebird

An angel shot is a code word used by guests in a bar or restaurant to let staff know that they require assistance because they feel unsafe.

It’s a discreet way for guests to ask for help from, say, a bartender in situations where they may potentially be in danger.

Types of angel shots: understanding the angel shot with a twist

Famous variations and types of angel shots include the following drink orders:

“Angel shot straight up” or “angel shot neat” — this indicates that the guest needs someone to escort them outside or to their car.

“On ice” or “on the rocks” — the bartender or staff member should call a taxi or ride service to take the patron home safely.

“With a lime” or “with a twist” — if a patron orders these variations, the bars’ staff should call the police (see below).

https://restaurant.eatapp.co/blog/angel-shot

never heard of this.

i think they have posters in the bogs telling you what to say if you feel unsafe.

What is an Angel Shot? Your Guide to the Silent Signal of Safety

Learn about the Angel Shot, a discreet code for women to signal for help in uncomfortable situations. Your guide to using and recognizing safety signals.

Blog
Show threadthe gripe ibisJul 19, 2025

@amiserabilist yeah, it's a cool idea, but to give a quick rundown ofit is an opt-in, voluntary system that really does rely very much on each individual bar, and individual bartender, and their varying levels of agency. not to mention the broader cultural contexts.

some of the bars i’ve worked, ordering that will get you nothing but confusion as they scan the shelves and then let you know they don't have any, but if you tell them what's in it they can suggest something you might like.

other places, none of the blokes or younger staff would know would know what you were talking about, since it hadn't been a meme on the bartender exchange website they were all on, for like two years.
hell, i am not sure it ever really was anything other than a curiosity in many english speaking countries.

whereas in most countries there are a bunch of legislative conditions that come with running a bar, many of them related to patron safety.

Show threadthe gripe ibis

@amiserabilist bars operate on condition of meeting these obligations, and as such most bars do regular training, education and maintenance with regards to the upkeep of these standards. it's a more reliable solution to know what these are, or at least what the bar policy is with regards to these obligations (in my experience a lot of the base level stuff can be pretty worked out just based on the vibes of the joint).

i feel like knowing who you can speak to any what their legal obligations are is more useful than an ad-hoc alert system, because if you use the angel shot code and still have a bad outcome, you have very little means of redress, other than telling people not to go there.
whereas if you know a bar has failed in its legal obligations with regards to duty of care and patron safety, you can get that fucker shut down.

i think I've seen it on a poster once in my life over here, years ago, in a place that ain't no longer there.

crap, I've basically just replicated the reply.

Jul 19, 2025 at 5:57amWeb
Show threadthe gripe ibisJul 19, 2025
@amiserabilist like, i think the only reason i was so motivated to reply in the post that also had the safety sign, was that they were presenting the angel shot code as like, a global network of white-hat bartenders fighting abusers and human traffickers, which i thought was a potentially dangerous message to be putting out there, someone might rely on it in a time of need.
and like, wholesome things can become conspiracy theories too, which is something that has long been a concern of mine.
Show threadpaulJul 19, 2025

@thegarbagebird

it's fine.

for the prevalence of dv i have not seen any when out but plenty girls paralytic.

roofies are a big problem.

another issue is when people split up, they can't afford to move out.

my mate just stayed in the pub till closing, went home, went to work, rinse repeat.

hell.

Show threadthe gripe ibisJul 19, 2025
@amiserabilist oh one hundred percent. my current place is phenomenal with that kind of thing, even down to confirming where drinks end up if we feel like there might be some irresponsible or deliberately malign alcohol use, and we watch standing drinks and dump-and-replace on request