@dancinyogi Don’t know if you already heard about Spider-Man’s new winter outfit composed entirely of Mediterranean flatbread?

It’s a Pita Parka.

@dancinyogi

What do you call a fish that wears a crown?
A kingfish. 👑

@dancinyogi
Why does a bike fall over when you let go?

Because it’s two tired.

@dancinyogi

What is a bunny's favorite music?
Hip hop!

I used to run a dating service for chickens,
but I was struggling to make hens meet.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, "They're right behind you."

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
So he hugged me.

A guy walks up to the widow at her husband's funeral and says, "May I just say one word?"
"Sure," she replies.
"Plethora."
The widow responds, "Thanks. That means a lot."

Hopefully these make you smile, or at least groan. xD 💙💙💙

@dancinyogi

What’s round and bites?

A vicious circle

@dancinyogi
A cop is sitting at a speed trap when he sees a car driving by. A man is driving it and in the back seat are a dozen penguins. The cop pulls the car over. "Listen," he says to the driver, "I'm not going to give you a ticket, but you've got to take these penguins to a zoo, okay?" The driver agrees, and the cop watches him drive the penguins off down the road.

The next day, the cop is at the same spot, and he sees the same car driving by, with the same guy driving and a dozen penguins in the back seat, only this time the penguins are wearing sunglasses. The cop gets pissed, turns on his siren, pulls the car over.

"Listen, buddy," he says to the driver, "I gave you a pass last time, but I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!"

"We went to the zoo yesterday," the driver replies. "Today we're going to the beach."

@dancinyogi

My one big problem with Medusa: She keeps objectifying people...

@dancinyogi what do you call someone known for constantly making jokes about eggs?

a total yolker

@dancinyogi not a joke, but a nonsense rhyme told to me by my uncle about forty years ago.

'Twas a fine summer's day in the winter
And the snow was raining fast.
A bare footed man with clogs on
Went slowly, whizzing past.
He turned a straight, crooked corner
To see a dead donkey die.
He pulled out his pistol and stabbed it
And made it bowlegged in one eye.

@dancinyogi I got in a traffic accident with a truck carrying boxes of Omega-3 pills

Everyone is ok, injuries were super fish oil

@dancinyogi

(this is an out-loud joke)
Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

@dancinyogi

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

@dancinyogi

Professor X: So what's your superpower?
New mutant: Hindsight.
X: That's no use to us!
Mutant: No, I see that now.

@dancinyogi Hopefully not offensive:

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin’ Catholic

@dancinyogi

When one door closes, another opens.

Other than that, it's a perfectly good car.

(Joke stolen from Ruth Buzzi.)

@dancinyogi

Cruel viola jokes…

What’s the difference between a viola and a coffin? The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

How is a viola like a lawsuit? Everyone’s happy when the case is closed.

Why is the word for viola in German ‘bratsche’? That’s the sound it makes when you sit on it.

What’s the difference between a violist and a dog? A dog knows when to stop scratching.

How do you keep your violin from getting stolen? Put it in a viola case.