A_Random_IdiotYou get 3 wishes. No monkey paw twisting it to hurt you mechanic. What do you wish for?
PapergeistInfinite wishes
Fool! I wish for infinite wishes plus one!
sntxinifinity + 1 = infinity
Try ℵ₁ wishes!
ℵ₁ +1! Gotcha!
Max verstappen dead.
Green Bay Packers never win another game.
To live a long and healthy life with my wife.
Why Verstappen?
Imagine how excellent this F1 season would have been without him?
But then we wouldn’t have had 2021 which was amazing.
Was it? Twisted rules for a final lap to decide the championship?
Was that really amazing?
Yes. The whole season isn’t written off because of 1 lap. The season was amazing. The final lap was bullshit, but the season was one of the best.
𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚖𝚊𝚗 𝙼𝚎𝚘𝚠How is it Max’s fault everyone else sucks?
Yeah… That’s it. 19 other drivers, including two other multi time world champions, all suck. You are right. I was wrong. Give me a second to open my mouth wide enough to accept Max’s thin, drink tube-like penis as you have
Oh come off it, that was clearly a joke. But seriously, F1 is more than the race for P1. The current season wouldn’t be much more entertaining without him. Sure, he’s dominating at the front, but that’s only 1/20th of the race, everything that happens behind him is constantly in flux and plenty interesting to watch.
What did Max ever do to you 😭
He’s just a cunt.
HipsterTenZeroA monkeys paw mechanic for everyone in this thread except for me, the annullment of my own bodily needs (eg. sleep, food, water), and i dunno, maybe a cool rock
You are later crushed by your cool rock. Not because of a monkey paw but everybody else is so mad they drop it on you.
u/unhappy_grapefruit_2Haw haw reverse uno I use my monkey paw wish to wish the same upon to you also cool rock
FartsWithAnAccentPost scarcity society.
Immortality.
Infinite wishes.
Motivation to complete anything I decide to do.
General happiness with life.
Good health for my family and I for 50 years.
I mean, you could have solved starvation and global peace, but those are nice too.
You’re welcome to solve those if you want. I think they’d only lead to worse war.
And always drink Bailey’s from a shoe
bloopernovaMy own General Systems Vehicle complete with a holodeck lol.
Immortality via transfer of consciousness into permanent artificial bodies for me, my wife, and our dog.
All humans will become much more proactive and thus don’t put up with corporate or government bullshit.
An Commodore 64, 7 million dollars, and a garbage can that never gets full
Every house needs an incinerator
and no one will ever need more than 64k of ram
agent_flounderBest I can do is a C64 emulator …
I miss my first computer 😢
Séän- A bottle that refills magically with the most delicious, cool, refreshing water
- Wolverine’s ability to regenerate any body part
- And invisibility cloak
To own my own theme park in which the rides never break down so that everyone can enjoy it anytime.
£10 million. I think that’s more than enough to live off.
The ability to forget something at will so that I can experience something again for the first time.
Granted you now live in a loop experiencing the wish event until you die.
BodePlotHoleWipe the student loan debt and I’ll donate the other two wishes to charity.
Seriously, fuck this six figures of bullshit.
- Reduce atmospheric CO2 to pre-industrial levels
- Give me the ability to see/hear remote locations at will.
- Give me Jessica Jones style mind-control, but without needing to be physically present.
'scuse me while I go unfuck some shit.
To be able to convince anyone of anything, without reservations, whenever I choose
That I can never be forcefully contained within any construct or vessel, allowing me to leave whenever I like and return as I please.
Become a genie
Iunno, whatever I feel like convincing the first person to rub my completely voluntary lamp to wish for.
Fix the environmental and ecological collapse, end bigotry, the ability to shapeshift
UsernameblankfaceA fully stocked r&d shop for me, that transportation infrastructure in the US would be consistently less car dependent in the future, and world peace.
Mastery over life and death
The ability to change all aspects of myself at will
Ownership of a well-organized collection of infinite-lifespan SSDs (100TB each) collectively containing English translations of all encyclopedias that have or will ever exist, human or otherwise, including full version history. And the proper facility for storing such.
Infinite positive-effects-only wishes (what I consider to be positive)
Everyone now has empathy and selflessness, eliminating corruption, greed, stepping over each other, exploitation, etc.
Post-scarcity society, eliminating class even more than the above, since everyone can own whatever they want. Basically a real life Replicator.
Since I got infinite wishes, given number 3, society will have an even bigger trash problem than we already have. So a convenient, self-contained black hole we can put trash into, inventing a method of creating dark matter, revolutioning how we store energy, Futurama-style, which then becomes free due to post-scarcity.
Healthy planet, healthy people, healthy animals, plants, etc. Also includes mental health (infinite wishes are nice)
A replicator solves the trash problem, you just throw the trash in the replicator and it breaks it down to build stuff.
I choose you to get the wishes. Your list is my list. I don’t wish for immortality - since I had kids, I’m disqualified. But 10x the lifespan with hundreds of years feeling like I do now, that would be nice, and with the replicator technology (who will get the manual on how to service these) the carrying capacity of the earth should be higher.
Everyone becomes a god of their own universe. Now you all can do whatever the hell you want.
rustyfishImmortality.
The ability to link one’s life to mine, effectively make others immortal.
Plant the Overview Effect into the mind of every human and make it a part of humanity’s consciousness forever.
a private reality which obeys whatever rules i want it to.
the ability to interface this reality with any others, as well as disconnect it, at will.
shit. this is top tier wishing right here
don't forget to make your first wish "if i, as i am now or as i become subsequent to their fulfilment, am unsatisfied with the outcome of any of my wishes, i wish to return to the moment i first was granted them, retaining full knowledge of the timeline as i caused it to be but with the ability to make diffent choices"
since we're supposed to not be dealing with a monkey paw/genie situation, i didn't use it this way, but in general I'd recommend making it your first wish under any such circumstances.
rephrase as necessary to further weed out possible loopholes.
MinnesotaGoddamI wish I had a turkey sandwich. On rye bread. With lettuce, and mustard.
Priorities
The turkey’s a little dry?
THE TURKEYS A LITTLE DRY!? OH FOUL THE CURSED THING. WHAT DEMON FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL CREATED THEE?
Wait I thought of a second wish. That politician? The one You (yes you) don’t like? Every time they open their mouth to talk in public or when there’s something around to record they let out the grossest nastiest wettest fart like they gotta go check, but everything’s dry. But it’s so nasty they gotta go check every time. For the rest of their life.
And going and checking is part of the wish I want cspan to get interesting
More of an MLT guy myself, nothing like a good Mutton Lettuce and Tomato when the tomato’s are just 🤌
The power to change things, the knowledge of how to change things for a desired outcome, and the wisdom to know if I should.
HubertMannegood one
I want my best friend alive again, and the cancer to be gone. He can have the third.
I’d give all three of mine to this guy.
Sorry for your loss ;(
BizarrolandI wish for a machine that can convert matter to its subatomic particles and then rearrange them back together according to any pattern that it has stored by previously disassembling, that is also able to be integrated into the human body.
I wish for an autonomous cloud computer system that can store the patterns and that the machine produced and that has a neural integration system so that the entire process can be controlled by the mind, and that this system also be able to be integrated into the human body.
I wish to have both of those and myself to be brought, fully functional and with all knowledge and systems intact into the past, taking the place of my 18 year old self.
𝕱𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍Universal healthcare
Capitalism and authoritarianism eradicated
Everyone’s medical and student debt wiped
All people knows the love of catholic God.
Hard pass
I’ve seen “the love of Catholic God”