Bryan Wright

There are lots of books about schools for magical kids: Hogwarts, Camp Half-Blood, Unseen University, Strange Academy, and on and on.

But what about a retirement home for magical grownups? Imagine reaching a ripe old age, children and grandchildren grown and gone, and one day you find a gold-embossed letter in your mailbox:

"Greetings!
You have been selected for residence at the Moonfrost Home for Exceptional Elders."

Somebody write a novel about a magical retirement home. I want to read it.

Aug 14, 2023 at 11:40pmWeb
Show threadhandmade ghostAug 14, 2023
@catselbow Yes, please!!
Show threadPaula WhymanAug 14, 2023
@catselbow Great idea! Not exactly school, but I'd appreciate an adult invitation to Narnia. I can't tell you how long I've been standing inside this wardrobe closet waiting for something like this to happen.
Show threadLydia SchochAug 15, 2023
@paulawhyman @catselbow I might be a proper grownup 99.99% of the time, but I still gently touch the back of every wardrobe and closet I use just in case it doesn’t end where it’s supposed to. 😄
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@lydiaschoch @paulawhyman
Discovering the boundaries of the possible. That's just good scientific inquiry!
Show threadJohn McChesney-YoungAug 15, 2023
@lydiaschoch @paulawhyman @catselbow Likewise!
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@paulawhyman
Wardrobes are for kids. Adults enter Narnia by opening that one spreadsheet that's been sitting in the corner of your desktop for the last ten years. Occasionally you notice it, but its cryptic name (something like mscstf.xls) doesn't bring anything to mind, and you have other things to do.
Show threadToot EngineerAug 15, 2023

@catselbow

This is the premise of a Twilight Zone story, well kind of they are turn young again by kicking the can

Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@big_louse
Definitely dark, Twilight Zone possibilities there, but I want these people to be heroes! (at least some of them)
Show threadToot EngineerAug 15, 2023
@catselbow ironically the Twilight Zone segment is actually a very wholesome story, not dark at all, but your idea is a bit different and sounds very interesting , it just reminded me
Show threadKim Witten, PhDAug 15, 2023
@big_louse @catselbow this is what I immediately thought of too. That was a terrible episode. Directed by Stephen Spielberg too.
Show threadToot EngineerAug 15, 2023
@KimWitten @catselbow I haven't seen it in a while i'm sure it's bad, i remember there's a literal magic black guy in it, someone died making that movie apparently
Show threadKim Witten, PhDAug 15, 2023
@big_louse @catselbow You remembered correctly. It's so, so bad and cringy.
Show threadevilchiliAug 15, 2023

@catselbow My last D&D campaign featured a retirement community for wizards and such. They all lived in floating villas at the edge of a waterfall, so if anyone lost control of their faculties they could just be disconnected from the supports and flung over before they caused any damage.

My players never went there. >:|

Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@evilchili
Literally coming unmoored!
Show threadCautionWIP- don’t follow me - (he/him) 🏳️‍🌈🇨🇦🕎Aug 15, 2023
@evilchili @catselbow Players are just the worst.
Show threadScott M. Aug 15, 2023
@catselbow not enough people get their magical powers in their 40s and 50s.
Show threadapophisAug 15, 2023
@Hiker_Scott @catselbow boosting this along with OP since quite a few of the replies seem to be missing the point...
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@Hiker_Scott
Or 60s.
Show threadNonya Bidniss 🥥🌴Aug 15, 2023
@catselbow The Exceptional Expendables
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@Nonya_Bidniss
Sad! But the plot has to involve them proving that they're NOT expendable.
Show threadNonya Bidniss 🥥🌴Aug 15, 2023
@catselbow That was the whole idea behind The Expendables
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@Nonya_Bidniss
Sorry! My pop culture knowledge ends at about 1990. Everything since then is a blur.
Show threadNonya Bidniss 🥥🌴Aug 15, 2023
@catselbow 😂
Show threadputputhutAug 15, 2023
@catselbow Check out the "Old Man's War" series by Scalzi
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@putputhut
I will!
Show threadCainmark Does Not Comply 🚲Aug 15, 2023

@putputhut @catselbow

I was just thinking of that one, too. Good read.

Show threadJamiAug 15, 2023
@catselbow I need this too! Though TBF, while the series is for pre-teens/teens, the Camp Jupiter part of Percy Jackson introduces an entire secret town populated by adult demi-gods and their children.
Show threadCharJTF  (she/her)Aug 15, 2023

@catselbow And now I do, too!

And I want a letter 🙂

Show threadJeremy MallinAug 15, 2023
@catselbow 💯
Show threadZenobiaVayneAug 15, 2023
@catselbow this would make an awesome DnD campaign setting too
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023

@ZenobiaVayne

The trail winds through the moonlit wood, until you enter a clearing. In the clearing sits a tall brick Victorian house, its unlit windows reflecting the moon's pale white light. You approach the building, climb the steps onto its house-girdling porch, and stand before the massive oak door. You knock. Slowly, the door swings open, revealing an elderly, sweater-clad woman in a brightly lit room. "Welcome!" she smiles. "You're just in time for Bingo!"

Show threadZenobiaVayneAug 15, 2023
@catselbow this made my night honestly
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@ZenobiaVayne
Yay!
Show threadSadieAug 15, 2023
@catselbow
The Last Dragonslayer by Jasper fforde.
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@Burn_this_
I'll look for it!
Show threadThe DoctorAug 15, 2023
@catselbow @cstross kind of did. _Down on the Farm_.
Show threadIvy [_gay] Mae (moved, see bio)Aug 15, 2023
@catselbow giving me little old lady who broke all the rules vibes
Show thread7leaguebootdisk𓅽Aug 15, 2023
@catselbow Charlie Stross wrote one, it's a somewhat darker world. https://www.tor.com/2008/07/20/down-on-the-farm/
Down on the Farm

In Charles Stross’s novel The Atrocity Archive and its sequels, the “Laundry” is a secret British agency responsible for keeping dark interdimensional entitities from destroying t…

Tor.com
Show threadHigh Mome Djecibel AesterAug 15, 2023
@catselbow Tehanu has this vibe honestly.
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@j3b
Oooh, good call! I need to re-read that.
Show threadLaurel StvanAug 15, 2023
@catselbow Jemma Weir’s series about an old god hiding out as a detective at a retirement home might serve. One novella is Finding Death's Scythe (2021).
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@LingLass
Sounds great!
Show threadRowinSpeezAug 15, 2023
@catselbow monkey paw… chatgpt version. Sweet idea though, I would for sure read that, it would be epic.
Show threadexcited for the mastodon riseAug 15, 2023
@catselbow The SciFi version is kiinnndndda @scalzi's old man's war
Show threadTexty the BardAug 15, 2023
@catselbow I'm working on a story about a middle-aged mom who responds to a PT job ad and finds herself running errands for a minor goddess.
Show threadAdam Jacobs CrouseAug 15, 2023

@catselbow

Just imagine: an older gentleman stands up from a chair in his retirement home room. He farts, sneezes, and coughs.

Pulls out tissue. Blows nose.

"Ugh... Not again..."

The chair runs out the door. Lamp on a nearby starts dancing. And overhead light is now pulsating.

Show threadCodieneCAug 15, 2023
@catselbow I would definitely read that book :)
Show threaddaryl  🤡Aug 15, 2023
@catselbow Sell it to Hallmark and have them solve murders and I'd watch the hell out of that.
Show threadAllan ChowAug 15, 2023
@catselbow sounds like one of those one last job plots
Show threadJaguarior JonesAug 15, 2023
@catselbow
Show threadPatrick DuffyAug 15, 2023
@catselbow So shall it be done!
Show threadAnnamalAug 15, 2023
@catselbow The 1990's Tick cartoon had an episode called "Grandpa wore Tights" about someone visiting Commander Goodbye's superhero retirement home to gather intel...
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@annamal
Ha! The Tick! I'd forgotten about him. We used to have an SGI Indigo that we named "Tick" because of its color.
Show threadTerri K O 🍁Aug 15, 2023

@catselbow have you read The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher yet?

https://www.elizmanderson.com/remarkable-retirement

It's a story that starts with the latest chosen one getting called out of her non-magical retirement home (specified presumably because there are magical ones?) and setting off on an adventure with her trusty elder care worker and her knitting. I'm only a few chapters in but it's delightful so far!

the remarkable retirement of edna fisher — author e.m. anderson

author e.m. anderson
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@terri
Other people have suggested it too. It sounds great!
Show threadJohn Carlsen 🇺🇸🇳🇱🇪🇺Aug 15, 2023

@catselbow have you not seen the 2002 film Bubba Ho-Tep or 2010's RED (or its sequel from 2013)?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bubba_Ho-Tep

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_(2010_film)

Bubba Ho-Tep - Wikipedia

Show thread7leaguebootdisk𓅽Aug 15, 2023
@johnlogic @catselbow finally saw Bubba Ho-Tep, fun movie. The only Red I've seen was the one in this trilogy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Colours_trilogy?wprov=sfla1 which was good.
Three Colours trilogy - Wikipedia

Show threadJohn Carlsen 🇺🇸🇳🇱🇪🇺Aug 15, 2023
@7leaguebootdisk @catselbow that trilogy looks interesting; thanks for sharing!
Show threadBryan WrightAug 15, 2023
@johnlogic
Those both sound awesome.