Twitter Death Cultsteal gasoline with one weird trick car owners hate!
lmao literally just advertising crime
gas siphoners, collapsible weapons, secret fire starters, car door unlocker wands, MyPillows, only the best advertisements on ElonTwitter
Is that a fact?
"Twitter is not the right place to seek information during an emergency, Dutch politicians and a prominent online group said on Wednesday, following an incident in which citizens were directed to the platform for updates during a large storm.
...
"You might see one tweet with great information from emergency services, but maybe there are 10 tweets that Twitter prioritizes which contain completely false information," he said."
Twitter not suited for emergency communications, Dutch say after storm
Twitter is not the right place to seek information during an emergency, Dutch politicians and a prominent online group said on Wednesday, following an incident in which citizens were directed to the platform for updates during a large storm.
Fucked over a massive portion of his workforce then gets mad when those same people go work for his rivals for better pay and job security
Twitter paid Wachtell a huge bonus for beating Musk in court, and now Musk is trying to clawback that bonus.
It's genius. Sue the lawyers that are now your lawyers only because they beat you in court and forced that dipshit to buy twitter.
He is so mad they beat him
at least the worst of the hate speechers are getting moderated on Threads and then running back to Twitter to cry about it
didn’t he leave a huge amount of contract money on the table to do this
I sure do love that Elon bought his favorite theme park and decided he was much happier with it as a total shithole. And now he goes ballistic that people are leaving his theme park for a shittier diet theme park that opened next door. The diet theme park's rides don't work yet but they do have a staff actively sweeping up occasionally, and that alone makes it a hugely attractive option for a big portion of what was once his exclusive clientele.
And lol that Trump successfully called a shot in not returning to twitter.
He has made his own little fiefdom, pathetic and small as it is. There was nothing really for him to gain in going back to Twitter and being potentially under someone else's control once again. It would also be a tacit admission that his network failed, and Trump wasn't going to let that happen.
So we’ve gone from Musk was forced to buy Twitter after desperately trying to get out of his agreement, to Musk wanted to buy Twitter to make it better actually, to now Musk invented Twitter...
thinking positively of elon musk is a degenerative condition it seems
as much as twitter sucks now it’s still got posters who will go down swinging
Nate sprinting past bronze, past tin, towards the grody elements that decay really quickly and have no real application
Elon: "please post your videos on my platform where nobody will be able to find them and they will immediately be flooded with blue-boosted crypto scammers and schizos in the replies."
Lol that dude isn't posting shit to Twitter until Mush puts his John Hancock on a massive contract and the check clears. Mr. Beast is gross, but he knows which side his bread is buttered on.
Musk: "please help me libsoftiktok i need your antivax strength to get people killed"
lol when MontanaSkeptic posted a SeekingAlpha article about how Tesla's books were absolutely cooked, Elon called his boss and tried to get him fired
Jesus christ, this is like reddit meltdown levels of posting.
What a sad man.
Apparently twitter is the new wingnut welfare
Very cool to start paying the worst posters for their dogshit takes, way better than paying severance.
data $0 (we aren't paying our cloud suppliers anymore)
rent $0 (we aren't paying our rent anymore)
krassenstein payments $24305
utilities $0 (see above)
someone who is good at the economy help me budget this. my company is dying
suing 4 john does
lol good luck
we will answer the questions. What questions? the important ones. they’re easy to answer we just haven’t asked them yet. we will find out what questions to ask. we will find the questions to the answers to the universe, and then we will be the ones who have all the questions
hey look a nerd reference, give me 44 billion dollars
Poop back and forth. With the same poop. Forever.
Internet Hall of Fame literally only reposts screenshots of tweets. Which Elon explicitly said would be demonetized... 🤔
The people who scream for answers on why they're not getting engagement are definitely going to calm down now that they think they're missing out on direct payments
[guy who was definitely a terrible father and also explicitly hates his trans daughter] my kids don't like me, because of jiu jitsu,
just like with gab and parler etc. the right-wing absolutely hate being in their own echo chamber because then they realise they're all antisocial freaks with shit-stained undies and zero friends
they crave having liberals to wrinkle their nose at the smell of said undies and frown at their absolutely dogshit takes
So predictable, he thinks he's in control, and that this gives him leverage over his pet chuds, and everyone else will just shut up.
Pat yourself on the titanium plate buddy!
So everyone in the list of payees was manually given a thumbs up by Twitter for payouts, probably Elon personally.
These are the brand ambassadors he has chosen.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/07/13/twitter-creators-payments-right-wing/
I can't wait for Elon to create Tay 2.0
if they're training it on twitter data I bet Elon also had them scrape the shit out of reddit
somewhere catshit is losing their mind that they couldn't even get a single stack. lol
this is amazing. the company is saddled with debt because *he saddled it with debt* and 50% advertising drop is because he scared away all of the advertisers.
other than that, that’s not how leveraged buyouts work. typically you take a company private so that you can do major reorganization without having to be accountable to the stock market. this means taking losses for months or years until the business is on the track where you think it will make money. what you don’t do is buy it, set the factory on fire, and then say “we’re not making any more changes until this returns to profitability”
the big lol is that elon has neither the business vision of what to do, the managerial capacity to implement it, nor the stomach for taking losses until his plan is implemented. every other week he wakes up in a cold sweat thinking about those mounting losses and freaks out and does something like fire more people or make another dumb edict like this one.
of course his fans don't understand that so he can just act like it was already failing and he's fixing it
this must have felt so nostalgic to him
https://edition.cnn.com/2023/07/17/tech/ghana-twitter-layoffs-severance-intl-hnk/index.html
Elon Musk is the richest despite being obviously and visibly incompetent.
There's no secret scheme. There's no deliberate plan. He's just that bad at this and has nobody to save him from himself. He's making what he thinks are the best decisions to run a platform because he's the World's Greatest Engineer and he's got solutions all these other idiots haven't thought of yet. When his decision blows up in his face, he blames someone else and goes on to his next blunder.
Elon Sues The Lawyers That Forced Him to Buy Twitter
lmao cat turd is having a full on meltdown because he wasn't one of elon's hand chosen recipients of a big bag of cash for posting and now his life means nothing
this is the inevitable outcome of being a musk stan
I just hope they finally learn something from it
former national security advisor and insurrectionist General Mike Flynn is with catturd
Elon's having himself a day
1. Doesn't understand the quote
2. Questions about my "not the CEO" shirt etc.
3. Pay me money to avoid any fraud enabled by my company. #NotExtortion
sending them some intern's bullshit draft press release will surely convince the advertisers to stay
The Explosive Finale of The Twitter Files
Falun Gong! Hell yeah! Get that energy wheel spinning!!!
Just taking $44 billion and lighting it on fire.
imagine given up (whatever small) brand recognition twitter has for... X.
twitter has managed to get people to use "tweet" and "tweeting" as nouns and verbs.
"Yo dawg, just X me the deets"
we're only just beginning to imagine what this company is or will do, which is a very good position to be in, having purchased it almost a year ago
zombo.com has a better pitch than this
I'm still not sure if she's just there to collect a paycheck and doesn't give a fuck about anything else anymore (understandable), or if there's some actual thought process behind those words beyond saying what musk wants
I'd assume the former for almost anyone, but she's a marketing exec so who knows
Rassilonian Legate@cspam
"In ways we're just beginning to imagine" aka we haven't thought of it yet, just trust us
"In ways we're just beginning to imagine" aka we haven't thought of it yet, just trust us
darkufo@cspam think it's simpler than that. She's just a fcking moron
Creative! Queer!! Autistic!!!@cspam
I won’t feel sad when Musk throws her under the bus.
I won’t feel sad when Musk throws her under the bus.
LAUREN@cspam @Tweetfiction People are dEfINiTeLy going to trust elmo with their money.
Matt Stocum@cspam you could do anything at zombo.com. The impossible was unknown.
Bernie Luckily Does It@cspam The public square is being transformed just like it was by Uncle Scar in The Lion King.
Rob LandleyRob Landley (@[email protected])
Twenty years ago Elon Musk wanted to call PayPal "x.com" and it's one of the reasons they threw him off the board for being stupid. https://www.shortform.com/blog/elon-musk-paypal-story/ He's renaming Twitter to x.com because he literally hasn't had a new idea in twenty years. It's like that guy who wanted to put a giant mechanical spider in every movie he controlled. (He finally managed to insert it into the truly forgettable "Wild Wild West".) https://www.slashfilm.com/981625/neil-gaiman-leaked-really-stupid-sandman-script-from-jon-peters-which-featured-giant-mechanical-spiders/ https://thepopcultist.wordpress.com/2013/06/12/how-producer-jon-peters-and-a-giant-spider-nearly-ruined-superman/
Sean C.@cspam every time she posts a follow up after Elon goes off it sounds like it’s been vetted by him to make sure it’s appropriately deferential to the pile of crap he just spewed
Mike P@cspam If Twitter is to become X Corp then their new logo should be the X Parrot.
Jonathan Hendry
Tor Iver Wilhelmsen@jonhendry @FenTiger @cspam Wasn’t there some black-murdering extremist group in South Africa that had a Nazi-like flag with an X?
This one is a three-armed thing rather than an X:
Adrian Widerski
Thermaq@cspam Changing theme to dark by default is his one good idea
Torbjörn Andersson@cspam So the new logo is going to look like a huge "close" button? That seems appropriate.
Or maybe they could have a transition period, with both the bird and the "X"...
Flux@cspam
What way to ruin any remaining bits of brand recognition/loyalty for a stupid name that was rejected when he "founded" PayPal (arguably the only thing of value that came from this guy) and contributed to getting fired from the board (along other things).
At this point why he didn't he just make his own stupid app if he's going to push away basically all original users, advertisers, original staff who know anything about the code-base, and the incredibly valuable brand built over years.
Jocelynephiliac 
@twipped @cspam Welp now he has massive amounts of debt (that likely wouldn't of been as much of a problem if he started from scratch), and a fraction of the users he was planning to milk.
So yeah, it seems more and more likely it will eventually go bankrupt.
Granted I'm conviced he's the richest, dumbass asshole to have ever walked the planet... and the competition is quite competitive
msgbi
charles ex@msgbi At least the X won't clash with my charles_ex....
@cspam #WheresLinda? also, where’s his unsavory business partners?
JD@cspam what a sad turd he’s become.
Chuck Taggart, Private Eye
geobeck@cspam
"ChatGPT, write a press release to beg advertisers to stay on Twatter."
"ChatGPT, write a press release to beg advertisers to stay on Twatter."
halonine@cspam Forget interns, I bet Elon chewed out the intern, fired them, then added all the bolds and italics personally
prozacchiwawa@cspam <𝗶𝗻𝘀e𝒓𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒌> <-- I can fee the panic set in as this person sat selecting and deselecting this phrase over and over again, realizing that 99% was probably made up to placate elon and there's no cavalry coming.
blue linden 
@cspam w*e’re* do*in*g ok*ay*
ThatKomputerKat 
@cspam nice.
I used to follow that guy Daniel when I was on Twitter lol. Still pick up new Inlander issues when they hit the rack at the grocery store.
Merijn 👨💻
Vegetable Gremlin ⍼👻@cspam the original fuckin poster.
Will 🌹🏴@vegetablegremlin @cspam uncharacteristically brief
@datatitian @cspam well the king has been dead but his heirs honor his memory
@cspam twitter gets crushed from all the litigation and dies before this can happen
BoredomFestival@cspam what took 'em so damn long
Tito Ciuro@cspam Where have I heard that before? A certain someone I can’t pinpoint at the moment…
SPeedY_B@cspam I'd never heard of this idiot before shit and fan met one another, now I see them frequently referred to, and still have no idea who the hell they are.
Wondrous.
Bach to the Future@speedyb it’s a 50 something year old dude from Florida. Our timeline is a weird one
@BachToTheFuture It certainly is!
For some reason, I'm not surprised it's basically twitter's "florida man".
@speedyb @RollingStone had a good article on him a few months ago https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/catturd2-maga-twitter-shitposting-king-1234674671/
@BachToTheFuture Well, that was quite the read.
Reaction provoking sad individual, with nothing better to do than churn out nonsense until something hits the right button, fuelled by the seemingly ever growing populous of morons willing to lap it up.
What an absolute loser.
Steve@cspam hell be getting paid off soon I'm sure
Michael Gemar@cspam @tchambers …and isn’t that a cup of *tea*?
Mark@cspam That cup of coffee pic is a cup of tea.
Jack 🇬🇧🇺🇦