guys the Titanic's beverage service is now cash bar due to piracy

*raucous, horrific booing almost but not quite drowned out by rushing water and groaning metal*

OK since the ship just snapped in half drinks are now 33% off. happy hour!

just in case anyone was wondering, twitter does indeed count viewing the same tweet multiple times as multiple views. every time you navigate to your feed, even if there's nothing new on it, -20 to your quota.

absolutely amazing

to make advertising worth it, you need to get as many eyeballs on ads as possible

so if the timeline doesn't work, and the ads are part of the timeline and the only part of the service users would remotely tolerate ads on (and also the hardest part of the service to filter ads from), how do you get ad dollars?

just, what an idiot baby who doesn't understand the emotional validation box he's utterly, neurotically addicted to and felt the need to buy in order to feed that addiction harder

musk is not working as twitter ceo/head twit/whatever comedy title he has.

he is amphetamine and ketamine numbed, twitching and sweating, reacting with goldfish memory in real time and issuing grand decrees 13 times a day to the 112 H1Bs that put up with his shit because they don't want to back to mumbai.

there is no leadership happening. this is hitler in the bunker tweaked out and screaming shit.

https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/articles/2023-06-27/silicon-valley-is-on-drugs

Katie Notopoulos, great tech journalist, did another Twitter Spaces for people to anguish at the changes. Mostly people throwing about theories and noting that there were no exceptions carved out for Amber alerts, weather alerts, etc.

The highlight was one defender who after delaying answering why it was a good decision could only cite "technical reasons" and "this will make Elon more money so he can make Twitter better, and then make X.com, we have to trust him".

https://twitter.com/i/spaces/1lPKqBmjyPYGb

This is a great idea I think there should be like subscription level options for how many tweets you can read a day. Like what if there was like ultra diamond gold Sergeant Master Sergeant III for $999.99/month that let you read more than 25 tweets

I mean honestly this isn't just good shit I'm really glad Twitter is going to fucking die as one of the most monetized things on the fucking planet because Elon musk is literally running this thing like somebody runs raid Shadow Legends

Reminder that he's still trying to turn Twitter into a clone of the one successful project he's ever been involved with because he's that unimaginative, but he almost killed that one too.

He wanted to name paypal to "X" even after every test audience thought it sounded like a name for a porn website and threw a big tantrum when they went with the name paypal lol... then he insisted they migrate all their servers from Linux to Windows NT4 until the board fired him for being an idiot

Is this the most openly fascist thing to normies he's said?

I feel like for me it was him saying "We Need a New Sulla" while referring to himself which sent me the final "nutcase fascist" vibe to me, but unless you are a Roman history nerd I feel like that's way too obscure for your average Twitter user.

This is the post you show any remaining Musk stans in your life.

they just want to be wherever they aren't invited so they can ruin shit for everyone else

they have like half a dozen right-wing crank twitters of their own where they can do unlimited slurs but if they aren't making other people miserable while they do it it's pointless

Matt Levine continues his run of being the writer who best keeps on top of Musk’s bullshittery:

https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/articles/2023-07-03/insider-trading-is-better-from-home

Things are going great at twitter!

This is amazing to me; this is a carefully phrased statement released by whatever fragments of a PR department twitter has left, and it's just not able to disguise the loopiness with corporate-speak. These are the kind of people who can reframe eradicating indigenous peoples as "revitalizing deprived areas with new investment", and they can't make Elons flailings sound anything but insane.

If you, a corporate communications professional have to use the word "extreme"*, you are in trouble. That is a scare word, and your job is to soothe your users, your board, your investors and your advertisers.

"While this work will never be done" = "this chaos is not going to end any time soon" = RUN AWAAAAAAY

* barring the use of XXXXtreme Flavor, of course

This is just the "moments" feature they killed not long ago, moved to a different place on the UI and now you have to pay to use it.

Just put it all behind a pay wall Elmo and free everyone already.

so it seems that some of the blue check simps are starting to realise that they can't pay to make their posts worth reading and are giving up on, leaving only the most pathetic ones still paying

https://www.theneweuropean.co.uk/the-slow-sad-death-of-twitter/

"if I get a blue check I'll have a million followers in no time" is very "if I buy a rolex I'll be just like a rich guy" energy

but rolex sells a million watches a year for 10 grand a pop, elon is getting $4.75 after app store fees. he should have made it at least a grand a mo.

steal gasoline with one weird trick car owners hate!

lmao literally just advertising crime

gas siphoners, collapsible weapons, secret fire starters, car door unlocker wands, MyPillows, only the best advertisements on ElonTwitter

Is that a fact?

https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/twitter-not-suited-emergency-communications-dutch-say-after-storm-2023-07-05/

"Twitter is not the right place to seek information during an emergency, Dutch politicians and a prominent online group said on Wednesday, following an incident in which citizens were directed to the platform for updates during a large storm.

...

"You might see one tweet with great information from emergency services, but maybe there are 10 tweets that Twitter prioritizes which contain completely false information," he said."

Tweetdeck just got got

all my columns gone