masukomi

The allistic desire to answer questions with anything EXCEPT words that answer the thing you _actually_ asked IS FUCKING MADDENING.

I've asked a coworker what the consequences of X are twice. The second time i got really specific about what i was looking for.

2's the limit. So now i have to just wander off without an answer and hope nothing breaks, because I'm an ass-hole if i keep asking the same damn thing despite them not answering.

#ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

Jul 12, 2023 at 4:21pmWeb
Show threadSpaceHistory, etcJul 12, 2023
@masukomi @actuallyautistic I feel seen. Thank you.
Show threadH2OJul 12, 2023
@masukomi @actuallyautistic I cannot count the millions of times I have asked a yes or no question and got instead the launching into a full explanation of something I wasn't even asking. I've started just saying, please give me the yes or no first, and then whatever else you need to say can come after.
Show threadClaireJul 14, 2023

@H2O @masukomi @actuallyautistic

Yes! I do this too. "I love all those details you are sharing but I can't actually pay attention to them until I get the direct answer. Then I would love to hear all of that." (That being not really relevant but seemingly important to them to share).

I sometimes don't do it gracefully (area I am working on for my growth rn).

Show threadH2OJul 14, 2023
@Claire @masukomi @actuallyautistic Oh, I like that script! Nicer than how I was being!
Show threadNudeln Al Dente 🐘Jul 12, 2023
@masukomi @actuallyautistic ymmv but I've found that drip feeding coworkers (particularly non-IT ones) the questions can result in better outcomes. Email the 1st question, wait for response, then email the 2nd question (even though it didn't require the answer for 1), & so on. If they're capable, I might be able to ask 2 questions in 1 email. But putting out all the questions in one go results in overload & I won't get the info I need. Or worse, they'll ask for a call. 🤦‍♂️
Show threadmasukomiJul 12, 2023

@NudelnAlDente @actuallyautistic that's a good solution, but in this case it was two attempts at the same question. :/

will it break things for customers? Dunno. 🤷‍♀️ can't get an answer. Will have to find out when it goes to prod. Only positive is, if it _does_ break things, it won't break them for long.

Show threadNudeln Al Dente 🐘Jul 12, 2023

@masukomi @actuallyautistic Ugh, that sounds like a bigger problem - "we literally don't know (or care) about our architecture/ecosystem/product & the impact of making changes to it."

And I sympathise, repeatedly having to ask the same question is soul destroying.

Show threadKennethJul 12, 2023

@masukomi
@actuallyautistic

Give us... Information...

#actuallyautistic

Show threadAutistic Book ClubJul 12, 2023

@masukomi @actuallyautistic Never enough details OR the wrong details about something entirely unconnected!

They love to live in the 'Lack Of Detail' space.

I just don't know how they do it?!

Show threadKennethJul 12, 2023

@masukomi
@actuallyautistic

Anything to avoid the Socratic dialogue.

#actuallyautistic

Show threadNot a Spring OnionJul 12, 2023

@masukomi @actuallyautistic

It sometimes feels to me as if the just restart the wrong song several times.

Literally repeating themselves the second and third time, even to more specific questions.

Maybe the hope that by talking instead of thinking, the problem (me) will go away by itself. ​

Show threadMarytzuJul 13, 2023
@masukomi @actuallyautistic could be coz the question is a social faux pas. Not having an answer means I have to live with uncertainty which cranks up my anxiety levels up to 11. I hate it.
Show threadmasukomiJul 13, 2023
@marytzu sure. that can definitely be a thing. in this case it was simply simply asking what a piece of software we use does in a particular situation i'd been tasked with creating, which is why it was so frustrating.
Show threadMarytzuJul 14, 2023
@masukomi could be a lot of things tbh. Another frustrating thing about allistics is they don't give a straight answer about that either.
Show threadNewrulesnewlifeJul 14, 2023
@masukomi @actuallyautistic I just say "That isn't what I asked" and then repeat the question. Can't be bothered with it any more.
Show threadmasukomiJul 14, 2023
@Newrulesnewlife I empathize with that, BUT in the workplace that just shortens the time to the eventual firing for being too autistic "er um... i mean <insert 🐄💩 here>"
Show threadNewrulesnewlifeJul 14, 2023

@masukomi I'm unionised!

And a decade ago, pre-diagnosis, I was two meetings away from being struck off because nobody could work out why I couldn't cope with the demands of the job, and I made it through.

However, this year I think it's going to be a case of either breaking out of my role or breaking down