When I work with you, I'm there to shift your focus away from the thing that causes pain.

I'm not here to judge the situation you're in. I'm not here to judge the choices you're making. I'm just looking for pain in your choices. Are you doing things because you think you have to? Are you creating dysfunction? Is the choice coming from pain?

I want you to make choices that make you happy and that means dealing with the pain.

I don't need you to make choices I agree with. I want you to make choices that aren't painful to you and that don't create more pain for you.

I've taught myself to filter out the drama and emotion that comes in our life experiences. Because I filter out the emotions and drama, the experience is just about who said what to who. The experience itself doesn't matter much at all. What does matter is how it made you feel and what you did with it within yourself. That's where my focus goes.

The emotional reaction and drama you add to it is just a clue as to what's happening for you. It points to the problem, but the problem isn't the experience, the problem isn't even the emotional reaction, the problem is what you do with all that after the fact. That's what we work on.

The truth is I do the same thing for myself. I can still allow the emotional response. I can still allow myself to have the reaction. I just filter it out after. I don't hang onto it. I recognize it as adding unnecessary color and drama. So it starts and it stops. It stays self-contained and it doesn't affect my focus after the fact.

That extra color and drama skews my perception. If I want clear focus then I have to filter out the emotion. So I just wait to fix my focus until after the emotion is done with and then I make sure I don't try to interpret by filtering through it. I don't blame others for how I feel. I don't blame my experience for how I feel. The feelings just are. They are neither good nor bad. They just happen and that's fine. I don't hang onto the emotion. It comes and goes.

The problem for most people is they hang onto their emotions and then it skews their perception later. I've learned not to do that so I can spot it and filter it out. I don't have to get tied up in the emotion of it.

All that emotion skews your perception. You react to the emotion instead of responding to the experience. There's a big difference there. One is going to keep you in pain and the other is going to give you clarity.

The emotions are never the problem. It's what you do with them that matters. That's what I'm here to help you sort out.

I want you to have mental clarity so that you can see what's going on and interpret things differently.

You'll start to recognize the pain in other people and you'll stop reacting to it.

You won't need control over your external experience because you'll be able to manage yourself within it.

This offers you peace and internal well-being.

It allows you to have emotions and not be overwhelmed by them.

This is the work that I've done on myself and now I'm offering it back to you through as many different paths as I can find.

I have private coaching options, one off individual sessions and I'm running a new group program called Relationship Goals. All of it is an effort to help you be okay, live your life, and create the reality you want without all the drama and pain we get taught to add into everything.

Message me if you have questions.

Here's the link.
https://dellawren.com

Love to all.

Della

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