A.R. Moxon, Verified Duck 🦆My cast list for any new Lord Of The Rings is also the cast list of Ted Lasso, a thread.
Let's start with an easy one: Aragorn. No fucking second breakfasts for any fucking hobbits or any other fucking muppets with this Aragorn.
"Gandalf Greyhame, a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor, Mithrandir among the Elves, Tharkûn to the Dwarves; Olórin I was in my youth in the West that is forgotten, in the South Incánus; to the East I go not, The Independent. A question: is it secret? Is it safe?"
"They are taking the hobbits to Isengard, whose recent environmental policies I simply cannot approve of."
“Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn!”
h/t @elfmumgamanda on Twitter.
"Pipe weed is life! The Shire is life! Second breakfasts is life!"
"I'm Merry for whatever this product is. I can walk from the Shire to the fields of Pelanor—while partying!—because me and me crew are MAD FIT."
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve, or wait, no, that's four halves, isn't it, oh *gagging sound* oh bother."
"Anyway, why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I keep it? It's MY desk."
"Well now look, I am as lost as a troll without mapquest when it comes to findin' this here Mordor but I guess if you need somebody to schlepp this little old ring a bit futher, just call me a schleppdog, or maybe just call me by my given name if that all seemed a bit too convoluted for you, yeah."
"I can't carry it for you, Mister Frodo, but I can carry you."
"There is no strength left in the world of Men, Gandalf. They're scattered, divided, leaderless."
“I am Saruman the Wise, Saruman the Ring-maker, Saruman of Many Colours! I gave you the chance of aiding me willingly. But you… have elected… the way of… pain! And honestly, dear, I think appearing in public with that hat is very brave—good for you.”
"My company are those loyal to Rohan, and for that we are banished. The White Wizard is cunning. He walks here and there, they say, as an old man hooded and cloaked. And everywhere his spies slip past our nets. But not the nets I protect, mon ami."
“The women of this country learned long ago, those without swords can still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain. And I will crush you at keep-away. Every single time.”
Hey mate! merry mate! ring a dong a dussie!
Oi, man! Wicked, man, can I get an ussie?
Ring a dope! hop and lope! Fal lal la you’re legend!
They’ll fuckin kill you, mate, and call you a bell-end!
Oi, man! Wicked, man, can I get an ussie?
Ring a dope! hop and lope! Fal lal la you’re legend!
They’ll fuckin kill you, mate, and call you a bell-end!
"Well dip me in the Anduin and call me a goblin, but this here Emyn Muil's more impassable than the roundabouts you all have at every intersection around here; never can get the hang of those things."
"Heeden ba' ta Minas Tirith, aren't yeh?"
*growls*
"Esen't et's yer, like, destineh?"
"Will you be there?"
"Course. Natural. Denethor's me da. It's me sacred duteh, esen't eh?"
"Then I'd rather fucking walk to fucking Mordor, you wanky shit."
*growls*
"Esen't et's yer, like, destineh?"
"Will you be there?"
"Course. Natural. Denethor's me da. It's me sacred duteh, esen't eh?"
"Then I'd rather fucking walk to fucking Mordor, you wanky shit."
"So Sam, tell me, if a wife tossed her husband's severed member at me and I was so surprised I ducked and hid but my electrician didn't, then..."
"Then Bobbit lobbed it at a hobbit who was shy-er in the Shire than the wire hire, Mr. Frodo"
"Well that's what I thought."
Ricki Yasha Tarr@JuliusGoat OMG HE'D BE SO GOOD! But we need the rest now
David Brent 📚@JuliusGoat This is the #TedLasso thread that I didn't know I wanted, and it's the #LOTR thread that I definitely needed.
Thank you.
Ray@JuliusGoat outstanding!
Joe McTee