Guus der KinderenNov 13, 2022
Brian Okken
“Being ok with sucking at something while learning” is an extremely undervalued skill.
As is “being happy for people that are better than you”.
Super important for
- learning how to code
- learning a new language
- art, music, podcasting, cooking
- really everything.
Don’t forget to teach your kids these skills.
Also, demonstrate these behaviors.
Let your kids see you being bad at something and not giving up and staying positive.
Nov 11, 2022 at 2:45amWeb
Show threadTaylorNov 11, 2022
@brianokken "suckin’ at something is the first step to being sorta good at something" - Adventure Time
Show threadKim van WykNov 11, 2022
@brianokken "being ok with sucking at something you enjoy forever" is also perhaps important - I was for example an atrociously bad cricket player at school, but I played for years because I really enjoyed it, knowing I was unlikely to ever get much better.
Show threadErik DyreliusNov 11, 2022
@brianokken As a (somewhat) grownup I have tried to learn the sport orienteering. It is hard and though I can still outmatch my 11 yo in the mental parts she will easily outrun me at shorter distances. This puts us at a somewhat equal footing and makes learning together much more enjoyable.
Show threadRoss YoungNov 11, 2022

@brianokken Learning how to learn is like a superpower

Props to @sia for reinforcing that for me

Show threadSara Joy Nov 11, 2022
@brianokken definitely feeling the first point having just started my first dev job!
Show threadBrian OkkenNov 12, 2022
@sarajw congratulations!
Show threadAlina YossimouseNov 11, 2022
@brianokken allow me to add: Recognizing when something isn't giving you what you expected and consciously moving on
Show threadBrian OkkenNov 12, 2022
@alinanorakari yes. That too
Show threadRileyNov 11, 2022
@brianokken still definitely struggling with this from time to time. It's hard to get good at if it's not something that you've been taught from when you were young!
Show threadBrian OkkenNov 11, 2022
@riley I try to regularly try new things I know I don’t care about getting great at. Like I kinda want to pick up the recorder again, like those cheap ones from grade school. That’s be fun and no pressure.
Show threadRyeNov 12, 2022
@brianokken And you'll continue being bad at things even after learning them! That's okay. For a lot of mediums, that's what the editing process is for. Most people are just happy to have more art out there; it doesn't matter that someone is better than you. Just tell stores, make things, you'll keep getting better
Show threadJ. Rosenbaum (they/them)Nov 12, 2022
@brianokken I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I used to hide my music practice from kiddo because I was afraid I was making mistakes. But now I'm honest about my journey to improve. I talk openly about my struggles in music or art and programming. I want them to see that it doesn't all happen perfectly each time! And they celebrate with me when I finally get something right that I have been struggling with!
Show threadBrian OkkenNov 12, 2022
@minxdragon awesome
Show threadChristina VasilevskiNov 12, 2022
@minxdragon What kind of music/instrument do you practice?
Show threadJ. Rosenbaum (they/them)Nov 12, 2022
@cvasilevski I sing and play flute! They are both so fun!
Show threadjennalynnejaNov 12, 2022
@brianokken thanks for this reminder. This is a major struggle point for me and something I’ve been trying to embrace lately. I hate how my fixation on not being good leads me to quit or not try new things in the 1st place. But seeing my 7-year-old do the same is what finally got me to actively fight against it, for both of our sakes.
Show threadFree RadicalNov 12, 2022
@brianokken Important in sciences too. Being comfortable and honest with limitations of what you know, but keen on improving.
Show threadKara ShallenbergNov 12, 2022
@brianokken amen! Cc @zinn
Show threadPhebe PolkNov 12, 2022
@brianokken My uncle does that. He is still my hero because my other family members for years told him he was being too soft and had low standards for doing things like drawing with his kids and telling them their pictures were great. Turned out his kids are super resilient adults with tons of confidence.
Show threadJohn TurnerNov 12, 2022
@brianokken in music school a popular saying was “if you’re the best in the band, you’re probably not learning much.” It’s something I’ve tried to keep with me in my software career.
Show threadEstherLandauNov 12, 2022
@brianokken I love being a beginner. There is so much permission to fail - repeatedly.
Show threadChristina VasilevskiNov 12, 2022

@brianokken I feel this really hard right now. I'm trying to teach myself a new instrument and seeing the gap between what I'm capable of and what I *wish* I was capable of is very humbling.

It's at the point where I have to physically tell myself a few things, over and over:

1. I am allowed to suck
2. I am allowed to go at my own pace
3. No one is grading me on this

Show threadBrian OkkenNov 12, 2022
@cvasilevski the grading thing is big. I stressed about and hated history in school. But I love learning about it now, with no expectations of memorizing it.
Show threadsymbology.Nov 12, 2022
@brianokken I find myself quite often being jealous of people who do things better than me. Yours are wise words indeed.
Show threadAlex, the Hearth FireNov 12, 2022
@brianokken It was the Bob Ross marathons on Twitch that finally taught me this
Show threadRafael Pérez Nov 12, 2022
@brianokken Brilliant piece of thinking. Hopefully more people will value these skills after reading your toot.
Show threadBrian OkkenNov 12, 2022
@rperez thanks
Show threadszakibNov 12, 2022
@brianokken People call this (one facet of) "Psychological Safety" nowadays and I do my best to make it a part of the workplace culture wherever I go.
Show threadLisa SassNov 12, 2022

@brianokken Mastery pressure eclipsed the fun of avocations and dilettantism, and agree on the importance of “sucking at something..” as a life skill learned early.
An arts center here had a class called “Singing for People Who Have Been Asked Not To.”* Finding & using voices was transformative for many—including the teacher.
Takes guts, gives joy to be a happy amateur.

*Deep dive on class: https://www.thefreelibrary.com/Teaching+adult+beginning+singing.-a0301871249

Teaching adult beginning singing. - Free Online Library

Free Online Library: Teaching adult beginning singing.(Essay) by "Journal of Singing"; Education Adult students Training Vocal music Study and teaching Voice culture Methods Voice training

Show threadBrian OkkenNov 12, 2022
@LK_Sass this is so awesome
Show threadthe roamerNov 12, 2022
@brianokken
Yes yes yes, beautifully put. I say this as a father of young daughters, a university teacher, a learner of important things, a learner of unimportant things. Learning is hard and it tests our self-belief; the good learner learns how to enjoy that uncertainry.
Show threadUsually AlyssaNov 12, 2022
@brianokken
Show threadCher TailorNov 12, 2022
@brianokken BIG IMPORTANT O:
Show threadbdonnellyNov 12, 2022
@brianokken
“People think too much.
Find a successful role model in your field and
Copy them like you’re learning to dance.”
Show threadghorwood↙↙↙Nov 12, 2022
@brianokken this is the punk rock ethos: learn in pubic.
Show threadGeorge H. CollierNov 12, 2022
@brianokken @ProfFerrous I love this. Totally my experience
Show threadPrimoNov 12, 2022
@brianokken I'm struggling so hard with #1 :(
Show threadluckyduck Nov 13, 2022
Hell yeah! Growth mindset the way to be @brianokken
Show threadianamesNov 13, 2022
@brianokken Rosie Revere engineer is an excellent book for teaching the smalls this.
Show threadBrian OkkenNov 13, 2022
@ianames that’s a great series of books.
Show threadJessica Nov 13, 2022

@brianokken

To add, please, I beg, do not step in and take over the task if the kid is doing it slowly.

I had authority figures interpret this as me "struggling" or just got frustrated at my speed, and say something like "...let me do it", and take over.

It was so demoralising and produced a bad habit in me now that I absolutely have to do tasks quickly and perfectly to not give any one the opportunity to take over. It's not healthy and it leads to a lot of internal distress.

Show threadBrian OkkenNov 13, 2022
@Jessica yes.
Show threadCavyherdNov 25, 2022
@brianokken Related also-important skill: taking a deep breath to deal with the panic that hits when you don't know how to do something.
Show threadslothsauceNov 25, 2022
@brianokken bookmarked. This is a good one.
Show threadBrian OkkenNov 25, 2022
@slothsauce thanks.
Show threadEIJMitchellNov 25, 2022
@brianokken Who would we all be today if we hadn't quit the things we sucked at?