Aomine Dicegame
*casually and charmingly stalks e-crushes to see how they're doing*
Jun 6, 2018 at 3:16pmWeb
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018

So I was thinking about deleting this comment b/c a lot of folks don't like, but I decided against it because I think it will help folks learn.

I didn't realize that it was a trigger for a lot of folks, so that's on me. It was not my intent to contribute to or normalize a toxic culture.

Fortunately, I have am followed by some cool people who've taken the time to show me the error without being insufferable pricks about it. Thanks for that.

My bad, y'all. I meant no harm.

Show threadAdministratorJun 6, 2018
@Are0h I have learned something today. :)
Show threadthis little gayJun 6, 2018
@Are0h thanks for owning up to the bad. I really wish people would stop using stalking so casually, if you haven't experienced or watched someone else (esp a a woman) be stalked you just don't have the experience to know how absolutely terrifying it is. I almost flew out to another state on my dollar just to bodyguard for a friend afraid of her stalker. But I know a lot of people just don't "get" how serious it is so stuff like this is a learning experience :)
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018

@ratbaby I haven't in either case, so I'm just not familiar with how bad it can be and is. For that reason, I have no issue with deferring to people who do have experience with it, as they know more about it than I do.

Ha, I think some people who don't like me on here for whatever reason used it as a proxy to express their dislike of me, so I'm always going to push back on that.

That said, that's a culture I definitely want no parts of, so I just thought I would make it clear.

Show threadthis little gayJun 6, 2018
@Are0h yeah people do that, it's like they wait on any reason to pounce on you for any minor fault and nah no thanks y'all. It's bullshit.
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018

@ratbaby Yeah, that's a pet peeve with me, especially considering with how many random white people come at me looking for a fight because they want to take offense to whatever I'm saying at the the moment.

But every once in awhile, someone does have a point, even if they are being a straight prick about it.

It's important to me to make sure folks know I recognize and hear them, even if some people want to be assholes about it.

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 22, 2018

@Are0h
Hello, I'm writing you again. If you want me to stop now or in general, please say so.

I would like to ask you if you think I was just looking for a fight?

Also, I'd like to better understand why you framed me as a "dickhead". I was neither trying to be extra rude nor to be nice. I was very direct with my issue.
Also, "I have no idea what your problem is with me"? That's just confusing.

I like to work on myself. I don't hold a grudge. I like to understand.

Show threadAomine DicegameJun 22, 2018
@antifahnen I'm not sure what this is in reference to.
Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 22, 2018

@Are0h
I made a comment around 2 weeks ago on a toot of yours:

https://mastodon.social/web/statuses/100158601921710424

Show threadAomine DicegameJun 22, 2018

@antifahnen Ah, yes. This one.

Well, I thought you were being an ass about it. I'm not above talking about it but I do not react well to people I don't know stomping into my timeline demanding this and telling stop what they interpret me doing.

That's a dickhead move in my book, because you don't need to be hostile or antagonistic.

I'm amenable to reason, not people being pricks because they're feeling self righteous.

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 22, 2018

@Are0h
Yes, I assumed quite a bit. I now think that was wrong of me. I'm sorry for that.

I think I reacted that way because _for me_ it was clear that using stalking in such a way is harmful.

I can't know how it's commonly used in your vocabulary and I shouldn't expect people to already be aware of everything I am aware of.

I tried to include reasoning (from my point of view). I'm happy you get the point from others.
1/2

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 22, 2018
@Are0h
I think the part of your reaction that made it very hard for me to engage any further was
1. not giving any sign if the point I tried to make is giving you thoughts at all (I had the feeling that you just didn't care)
2. It takes time and resources to respond to something one considers harmful. I think it's okay to also be angry at first.
3. I consider "Grow up and learn how to talk to people" as a direct, personal attack against me. Am I wrong?
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 23, 2018

@antifahnen Well, yeah. I don't really respond well to people coming at me with so much aggression.

1. I can't do anything about what you feel if you don't use your words. And I'm not the type to let people take swipes at me.

2. Yes, I"m well aware of that. I deal with people asking me to expend energy everyday to talk about my views on racism. That is not unique to you.

3. Like I said before, I don't react well to people I don't know coming at me with such hostility.

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 30, 2018
@Are0h
1. Of course. My feelings are mine to own.
2. Clearly, it's not something specific to me. I felt it's important to just bring it up.
3. That's okay. What I'm personally not okay with is when someone attacks me and then denies it. I had the feeling you did that and that I was getting mocked for recognizing a part of what you wrote as an attack.
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 30, 2018

@antifahnen I have no idea how you had the feeling I was 'attacking' you when it was you that instigated a hostile exchange.

It is disingenuous to claim you are being 'attacked' when you engage in a very hostile and quite rude manner.

If you want a better response, don't be hostile to a person that does not know you. Easy.

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 30, 2018
@Are0h
It might seem easy for you but it certainly isn't easy for me.
I try to understand why it came off as rude (which of course is nobodies responsibility but my own). The most demanding part of what I wrote was "Stop invalidating this term" from what I can notice. Other than that I tried to explain my point and reasoning in a very direct manner - "please, don't do this"
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 30, 2018

@antifahnen Then that is where the disconnect is happening.

If it's hard for you not to be hostile to someone you do not know, then that is something you need to work on, which is why I said you need to learn how to talk to people.

Further, no one is invalidating anything. I expressed a thought poorly. I found both your general rudeness and your attempt to force a context on me to justify your rudeness deeply offensive.

You need to work on that if you want positive exchanges.

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 30, 2018

@Are0h
It's hard for me to know what you mean with saying I'm just clearly a straight prick about it.
That's not the same as not knowing at all how to be nice to strangers.

"Stalking" has a strong history of violence, especially against women. With using it for "casually checking social media" this meaning gets weakened because of the totally different context. That's why I did and still do claim that this use invalidates the meaning and history of that word.
1/2

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 30, 2018

@Are0h
I do not in any way claim or say that you did that on purpose. Like you said, you expressed a thought poorly. That can happen.

You cannot know about the history of a term and use in a different context. I think that even so it can do harm. I think I'm allowed to call that out. Yes, I did make mistakes in the way I called you out.

Show threadAomine DicegameJun 30, 2018

@antifahnen You can claim whatever you like now, but that is not how you came off in your initial response to me.

The use of language is not that cut and dry and you know that. Oversimplifying how we use words to justify what you feel is happening is just as dangerous and does not solve the core issue: finding common ground so we can both move forward.

Calling people out is cool, but using that as a proxy to be an asshole to a person you don't know is not cool. And you know that.

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 30, 2018
@Are0h
I know now after writing all these messages that it came off in a way I was not expecting. I already learned a lot and I want to thank you that you took your time to respond to me. I value that.
I'm gonna take my time to process all of this.
Wish you a nice day/night.
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 30, 2018

@antifahnen The statement is pretty straight forward. And whether you know how to be nice to strangers is not the point. The point is that in this instance, you were not. And I don't respond well to people that do that.

I get that part of it, so that's fine. What I don't like is how hostile you were in expressing that point.

I don't know you. You're intentions might be great, but I don't know that.

All I see is some random person being very rude out of nowhere.

Show threadAomine DicegameJun 23, 2018

@antifahnen
Cool. I appreciate that.

I can appreciate that.

It's not commonly used in my vocabulary. That was an assumption on your part that could have been alleviated by just asking a question.

You did, but your initial approach was so hostile, and I don't know you like that to gauge where that antagonism is coming from.

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 6, 2018
@Are0h
please do not use stalking for checking others social media (it can be done in a "stalking" way but if you'd do so you will prbly not write about it on social media like that - hopefully). Please do not connect stalking with "casually" and/or "charmingly". There is nothing charming about getting stalked. There is nothing casual about it. Stop invalidating the terms people use to talk about violence.
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018

@antifahnen You need to take a step back. No one is invalidating anything.

You do not get to dictate what I do nor frame it in a way that suits whatever way you feel right now.

You have the option of either just not following me or reign in your self righteousness. The choice is yours.

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 6, 2018

@Are0h
No, I do not get to dictate what you do. I can just interpret what I read from you and the way you talked about stalking is in no way okay.

I'm tired of people like you. Always talking big but when someone does address a issue directed towards you of course _they_ need to take a step back.
I'm happy to block you but yes, I'm also disappointed once again of people like you. Sorry for addressing discriminating and harmful communication of yours, will not happen again.

Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018

@antifahnen Ha, look, I have no idea who you are or what you problem is with me, but coming at me like a dickhead will not accomplish whatever it is you have in mind.

If you're tired of me, fine. If you're disappointed in me, cool. Do you. If you want to block me, thanks.

None of this means anything to me b/c I do not know who you are.

I'm fine with talking like grown ups, but your not going to come at me so rudely and get the benefit of my respect.

Grow up and learn how to talk to people.

Show threadCrosswhispering (inactive)Jun 6, 2018
@Are0h
You are now attacking me. I called you out on the way you use stalking. The toot you boosted before the one I reacted to does talk about anger towards people in oppressing classes. As a male you are in such a class, if you like it or not. I have no reason to be esp. nice towards you when you talk shit. If you want to devalue my opinion with presenting me as a non grown-up that's toxic as shit as well. I hope you can learn and grow and start to value others, even if they're strangers.
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018

@antifahnen LOL, I'm 'attacking' you, but I never said anything to you in the first place. You came at me in an extremely rude fashion, but, magically, I'm in the wrong for not taking your hostility. Ha, ok then.

Your kind of awful at the playing the victim thing.

And weren't you blocking me? You should do that.

Show threadNeia NeutuladhJun 6, 2018

@Are0h @antifahnen You get to dictate how you frame what you do. You framed it as stalking, an activity that often ends in violence and is, at a minimum, incredibly uncomfortable for the subject.

I've never been stalked, but your post still gave me a jolt of fear.

Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018

@dhasenan @antifahnen Well, yeah. And I did not mean it in a negative fashion. I don't take kindly to people telling me that I'm intentionally contributing to toxic environment as that has never been my intent.

That said, I don't have any problems with finding a better way to express that sentiment. I didn't realize it evoked that kind of reaction largely b/c I have not been through it. I learned something today.

But I'll never let someone who I don't know rudely tell me what I'm doing. Nah.

Show threadaka gingerJun 6, 2018

@Are0h i’m reading the other conversation that kind of evolved from this post and i do understand you POV but i would encourage you to use a term that isn’t associated with sexual violence for these kinds of things.

checking in, creeping on, searching though profiles, etc.

Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018

@gingerrroot Yeah, I understand the point and have no problem adapting because I didn't mean anything negative by it. That's totally cool.

But trying to slap in the face with a frying pan isn't a great to get me to see one's particular perspective.

Especially from some random white person that I have not interacted with at all.

Show threadaka gingerJun 6, 2018
@Are0h i definitely
hear you, they were intense, which can happen when talking about more emotional topics; they definitely got off on the wrong foot.
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018

@gingerrroot And I get intense because I often talk about intense topics on here, so that's fine.

And I'll even take that anger from some folks because I understand where they are coming from. Like if you came at me heated one day, I'd listen because we have certain rapport and I know your intentions even in the midst of you being upset. I would understand.

But from random white people I don't know? Nah. I deal with hostile random white folks all the time. I'm not going to take it from randos.

Show threadaka gingerJun 6, 2018
@Are0h That makes sense, I hear you. I also appreciate you taking the time to explain this a little further.
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018
@gingerrroot No worries. Yeah, it's cool when folks can just sit and talk. We all got our emotions and feelings, but lashing out at random people isn't helping anything.
Show threadLessness RandomnessJun 6, 2018
@Are0h +1 voice as someone who doesn't like that term used in such context.

An acquitance had an stalker for many years, it definitely wasn't anything casual or charming. More like neverending threat to the person's safety and damage to psychological well-being / health.
Show threadAomine DicegameJun 6, 2018

@lessness I'm cool with that. I can find a better way of expressing it because I didn't mean anything negative by it.

I definitely don't want to present that I am ok with normalizing something like that.

I'll do better.