Long Distance Transbians Will Invent Teleportation
"Breaking News: A transgendered lesbian group has developed a repeatable, low-energy way to transport matter — including people! — across vast distances instantly!
"The discovery was made two weeks ago, but we only just learned of it today. Luna Aphrodite, one of the inventors, told us, 'There were five of us and we were just having the hottest, kinkiest sex. Once we ran out of lube, we realized we should probably tell people what we'd done.
"Lilith Morningstar, another co-inventor, spent half of their time writing a LaTeX framework from scratch for the paper they published. She did this while wearing puppy ears, a muzzle, and occasionally receiving oral sex. In her words, this 'is the only way to do science, you squares.'
"The Distributed Polycule, as the creators have credited themselves, claim that the breakthrough came when 'amber' — and we are reminded its name is in lowercase, always — posted on something called the Fediverse, 'this one was told it couldn't be out of chastity or cum until it was with the entire polycule again, and this one couldn't stop leaking. finishing the teleporter was really the only way this one wouldn't dehydrate to death.'
"Reactions from the far right have been predictable, claiming that the device will 'turn us all trans.' The Distributed Polycule, as the creators have credited themselves, issued a statement early this morning: 'Fuck you, we were trying to build that first! Go back to gagging on Trump's...'
"...wait, my producer is telling me there's no way CBS is letting us finish reading this segment. She's thrown her headset at our Government Liason...I can't repeat on the air what's happening, but I'm sure we'll come back to this breakthrough soon!
"For WSUB, CBS 4, this is Jessica Phoenix, reporting."
#fiction #trans #transbians #polyamory #scifi #speculativefiction