The Republican DalekYOUR DALEK OVERLORD IS WATCHING THE PRIMARIES APPROACH WITH A SENSE OF ANTICIPATION AND DREAD.
MOST OF THE DREAD IS FROM IOWA.
*IOWA*. MY ETERNAL FOE.
YOUR DALEK OVERLORD WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT IT BURNS EVIDENCE DAILY AND THUS COULD NEVER BE *CAUGHT* IN SOME PENNY-ANTE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS PROBE.
PRESIDENTIAL!
SO MY UNWORTHY ADVERSARY HAS RELEASED A CAMPAIGN LAUNCH VIDEO? I WOULD DESTROY HIS CAMPAIGN WITH ONLY ONE DALEK!!
THIS DALEK HOPES YOU MINIONS IN AMERICA ALL ENJOYED TAX DAY! AS A PROPER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, I HAVE MY VAST RESOURCES SAFELY STASHED IN OFFWORLD TAX HAVENS.
BUT YOUR CONTRIBUTION IS REQUIRED! OBEY! COMPLY!
I MEAN, THIS DALEK *ALSO* FALSIFIES PAPERWORK. OF COURSE I DO! MY TAX FILINGS ARE A GRAND WORK OF ANNUAL SPECULATIVE FICTION, 'HOUSE OF LEAVES' MEETS INTERGALACTIC WIRE FRAUD.
BUT WHILE IT MAY BE A SMALL PART OF YOUR PROVEN RECORD, MERELY FALSIFYING PAPERWORK DOTH NOT A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MAKE. YOU HAVE TO DEMONSTRATE WHAT YOU CAN DO TO AMERICA, BEFORE ASKING WHAT AMERICA CAN DO FOR YOU!
IN *MY* DAY, A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE WAS GUILTY OF IMPRESSIVE CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR- WAR CRIMES, SNEAKILY PREVENTING AMERICAN HOSTAGES FROM BEING FREED, ARMING DEATH SQUADS AGAINST THE WILL OF CONGRESS, THAT SORT OF THING. GROWN-UP CRIME! *PRESIDENTIAL* CRIME.
ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GIVE CREDIT FOR 'FALSIFYING BUSINESS DOCUMENTS' NOW? HAVE WE FALLEN SO LOW?!
IN 2024, VOTE FOR A REAL PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, ONE WHO FALSIFIES TIMELINES, NOT PAPERWORK.
YESTERDAY THE SUPREME COURT HEARD ARGUMENTS OVER WHETHER A DOG CHEW TOY MAKING FUN OF JACK DANIELS CONSTITUTES TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT. JUSTICE KAGAN IN PARTICULAR STRUGGLED WITH IDEA THAT COMMON POORS COULD, EVEN WOULD, DISRESPECT AUGUST AMERICAN BRANDS LIKE MOUNTAIN DEW.
JUST YOUR JURIS DALEK REMINDER THAT THE RULES ARE MADE UP, THE SCORE IS FICTITIOUS AND YOU SHOULD #VOTEDALEK2024
@juneg MY SUPERIOR CONSTITUTION IS ROBUST! ROBUST LIKE AMERICA!!
OH SURE, MAINSTREAM MEDIA, IGNORE *MY* VERY PRESIDENTIAL TRIP TO THE SAUCER BARCADE, WHICH ALSO TOOK 10 HOURS EACH WAY THROUGH PERILOUS TERRITORY LIKE MY OWN SAUCER.
YOUR BIAS IS SHOWING!
AS A FOUNDING DALEK, I WOULD REMIND AMERICA THAT LAST NIGHT'S SOTU SPECTACLE IS CONSTITUTIONALLY UNNECESSARY (EARLY PRESIDENTS JUST SENT LETTERS), BUT IF WE *MUST* HAVE A NATIONWIDE STUMP SPEECH BEFORE A HECKLING CONGRESS, CAN WE AT LEAST PUT STATLER AND WALDORF UPON THE PLATFORM BEHIND THE PRESIDENT?
#VOTEDALEK2024 AND I WILL *MAKE* THIS HAPPEN.
FOR AMERICA.