Mastodawn

Eggmont 🐘Apr 4, 2025

Somewhere in the sewers beneath Gotham City in a deviously hidden umbrella factory...

🐧"That orange pustule will never get away with this. Wack. Wack. Wack. Nobody can put a tariff on The Penguin. The Diddler will never get away with this outrage against penguinkind! Why I'll shove an umbrella so far up..."

🤓"Didn't The Diddler even look at a map?

"What hideous retribution awaits the orange menace after a 10% tariff was Diddled onto islands only inhabited by penguins?

"Will the Limeys rebel against this unwarranted surcharge on umbrellas?

"Will anyone in Scotland even notice?

"Has The Diddler finally gone too far?

"How did The Diddler's multitude of mean moronic misguided malign minions miss putting tariffs on Atlantis, Narnia, Wonderland, Wakanda and Oz?

"Will they find a pretext to pretend to tax unicorns, dragons, and leprechauns?

"Will Penguin open the umbrella?

"Tune in to find out. Same Bat-shit Time. Same Bat-shit Channel."

#Trump #TrumpTariffs
#StopMeNow

Eggmont 🐘Mar 17, 2025

@elysegrasso

Perhaps you are overusing "the" in the way liberal elites do, when "a" would work if you but adopted conservative Kennebunkport-Ersatz-Cowboy Dubya-Speak like Ted Cruz:

Texas Dang-ma'am Style.

Replacing "the" with "a" saves two-thirds of the letters. About 5100 letters are conserved or as much as 1000 words with which you could easily write a preface explaining eradicating "the" from your writing as an effort to reduce deforestation caused by a book by about 1%.

By fully embracing Dang-ma'am Style, you could further reduce letter consumption for "an" by eliminating n's resulting in a whopping 50% reduction in that word alone thereby conserving n's for use in words ending in "-tion" in order to reach Triple Word Score boxes.

I have found that in my own writing that "that" is often a word that needs to be weeded out. But that is obviously an issue that I must address in the dark and stormy hours of the night.

Texas Dang-ma'am Style.

#WritersCoffeeClub
#StopMeNow

Eggmont 🐘Mar 13, 2025

The Revival of Psycho

This modern remake of "Psycho" set in the White House starring Elon Musk as Norman Bates, with Mike Johnson as Norma, with a cameo by Donald J. Trump himself portraying Mother's rotting corpse in the basement is showing on the Internet everywhere.

"The book is better. Buy it on Amazon and listen to the audio book while you sound out the words. Shipping is "free" with Amazon Prime."--Jeff B.

"Nearly as stunning and pointless a remake as META is of SecondLife."--Mark Z.

"It was so scary I had to leave early."--Vivek R.

"JD's smarmy performance as The Geek Chorus is most certainly not worth the price of admission."--Name withheld for fear of Gazpacho reprisals.

"We will not be calling the White House 'The New All Inclusive Bates Motel.' No matter how many executive orders get signed."--The Associated Press.

"Stay away from the bathtub and do not under any circumstances take a shower."--Any US Agency.

#AlfredHitchcockAnything
#HashTagGames
#StopMeNow

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Eggmont 🐘Mar 11, 2025

@allrite

A big difference of course is...

Then: We were expected to think critically and test before releasing software and to get it right the first time or find another line of work.

Now: Everything is designed on PostIT Notes while the team pretends to play rugby--a sport they are all utterly physically incapable of playing. All subscriptions come with frequently updated diseased agile bugs straight out of "Starship Troopers."

Go fast. See what it is like when the wheels come off because you paid somebody else to take your physics exams in college...

The world has been sentenced to trial by error because too many of our offspring were triggered by critical thinking and coddled by lawyers.

As is demonstrated so well by "X" you can in fact get it wrong all of the time and just shoot up a little more Special K to hallucinate the financial and reputational consequences away.

It is simply amazing how many people can't distinguish between Right, Wrong, and Right Now.

#StopMeNow

Eggmont 🐘Mar 10, 2025

@patrickcmiller

This is of course a blatant attempt to increase international subscriptions to their social media sites.

At what point do these Villionaires finally sink so low they reach the center of the Earth?

"They said we couldn't do it. 'Sir,' they said with tears in their eyes, 'there is no way you can dig deeper than the depths of Hell.'

"We proved them all wrong didn't we. Just look at this place. Fantastic. There is a McDonald's and a KFC. There are so many very fine people here: Adolf and Rush. All of the Great Vlad's: The Impaler and Lenin. If we had only known we would have come here sooner."

"Now let's see the golf course..."

#StopMeNow

Eggmont 🐘Mar 6, 2025

#Trump #Ukraine #Zelenskyy #Zelensky

Please send cookies and come visit me if the Gazpatcho finds me...

You would not say that if you had ever been spiked with a stiletto by an enraged barefoot woman in a dimly lit fog filled alley.

Just how do you think all of those nefarious gentlemen of dubious repute in film noir came by their dashing eye patches? Leaving the spoon in their tea?

You dismiss the grave danger posed by high heels to your own peril. One does not commit crime in high heels. The high heels are the crime. A high crime encompassing motive, opportunity, and means.

Do not ignore the "click, thump, click, thump, click, splash, click, squish, click, squish..." following you down the darkened alley unless you want to be known forevermore as One-Eye...

Unless of course you aspire to become a pirate and lack the courage to leave the spoon in your tea.

#StopMeNow

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Eggmont 🐘Feb 26, 2025

@pezmico

There is invariably clown makeup beneath the mask.

Hypocrite: One who adopts a faux intellectual persona to speak in pretentious supercilious tones promoting spectacularly sophomorically simplistic ideas as solutions to intractably complex problems.

Hypercrite: A hypocrite who injects ketamine at risk of rapid unscheduled disassociation.

Hippocrite: A large insentient venomous red creature native to Magastan prone to attacking humanitarians while disguised as an elephant. Often found in the shards of china shops trying to adjust intricate Swiss watches using sledgehammers and chainsaws.

A close relative to the Smarmy Nepocrite found in the swamps and marshes of the Southern United States.

I believe the term they were looking for was "free speech abolitionists."

The world would be much saner if Ayn Rand had boldfaced and underlined the word "intelligent" in the libertarian scribbles that are so often cited by libertines to justify their selfishness.

#StopMeNow

Eggmont 🐘Feb 26, 2025

#Musk

Due to a mispronunciation on a foreign language news report I learned a new word:

"Villionaire" as in "Villionaire Elon Musk."

Though of course this term is not exclusive and may be applied to any of the many Villionaires destroying democracy around the world right now.

#StopMeNow

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Eggmont 🐘Feb 24, 2025

@TechCrunch

Then the time is ripe for speculating that #Zuckerberg has captured Sherman and is holding him hostage in a virtual dungeon at #Meta in order to get Mr. Peabody to take him back to 1980 along with Rand Paul and other members of the Delluminati to get their hair permed in a style called Midlife-Crisis-Disco-Bald prior to going to the No-Girlz-Allowed secret handshake all masculine energy all of the time meetings of the Delluminati in the ultra-secret exclusive clubhouse hidden in the sewers beneath Studio 54 where they dress up in ceremonial leisure suits with giant collared floral print shirts unbuttoned to their navels to display numerous tacky gold chains tangled in their chest hair (if any) while donning two-toned platform shoes after which they get smashed on Kamikazes and Piña Colladas and duel with Fondue Forks like real men until somebody puts out an eye or gets a cheese stain that just won't come out in the wash.

I can see how that might work out.

#StopMeNow