The Moment Someone Doubts You Is the Moment You Win or Lose
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The Moment Someone Doubts You Is the Moment You Win or Lose

You Win or Lose

When was the last time someone doubted you. And more importantly, when was the last time someone doubted you and you reacted. When was the last time someone questioned you and you blew up? Raise your voice. Sent a text you later regretted. Made a fool out of yourself because your ego took the wheel. We have all done it. Maybe it was road rage when someone cut you off. Maybe it was a family member pushing the wrong button. Maybe it was at work when someone questioned your ability, your effort or your competence. You and I have both reacted to situations we should have handled differently.

Why Reacting Always Loses

When you react, your blood pressure spikes, and your face gets hot. Your fists clench. Your brain shuts down. You think you are defending yourself, but you are actually handing control to the other person. No matter how angry you get, the situation does not fix itself through rage. Yelling does not make you right. Exploding does not make you respected. Reacting makes you predictable and weak.

There is a better way.

If someone doubts you, especially in a professional or public setting, take a step back. Literally and mentally. Do not fire back. Do not defend immediately. Do not justify. Instead, dissect what was said.

Repeat the Question Back

Here is where the power shift happens. Let’s say someone says your leadership on this project has been terrible. Your instinct is to fight. Your smart move is to ask. Ask them calmly which specific aspects of your leadership they are referring to.

That one sentence changes everything.

You have now thrown the ball back into their court. You have forced them to move from vague accusation to specific detail. Most people cannot do that on the spot. Control the room, without raising your voice. This works especially well in group situations where someone tries to undermine you publicly. By asking for details, you raise the bar of the conversation instantly. Now everyone in the room is waiting for them to answer. Not you. If they cannot clearly explain themselves, they look unprepared. Emotional. Unprofessional. You stay calm. You stay composed. You stay in control. You just avoided a pointless argument and possibly saved yourself from an embarrassing confrontation.

Make Them Do the Work

When someone accuses you of poor performance, poor leadership poor judgment or bad results, make them explain it.

Ask about numbers.

Ask about timelines.

Ask about decisions.

Ask about specifics.

Whatever seems to have their panties in a knot, bring it out into the open. You are not attacking them. You are asking them to clarify their position. That is a powerful move.

Why This Works

People who throw accusations often rely on your reaction. They want you defensive. Loud. Emotional. Once you stay calm and ask questions the dynamic flips.

Doubt shifts from you to them.

Now they are under pressure.

Now they have to perform.

Now they have to explain.

All without you raising your voice or losing your dignity.

Do Not Turn It Into a Pissing Contest

This only works if you keep your cool.

Do not interrupt.

Do not mock.

Do not get sarcastic.

Stay calm. Stay curious. Stay controlled.

You are not there to win an argument. You are there to shut it down intelligently.

This Applies Everywhere

Work. Relationships. Family. Public situations. Online conversations. The moment someone doubts you is not the moment to react. It is the moment to think. Silence followed by a well-placed question is more powerful than any angry response. Next time someone doubts you, remember this.

Do not explode.

Do not defend blindly.

Ask them to explain.

You will be surprised how fast the situation changes in your favour.

Why Harsh Reviews Stung—And Why They Didn’t Break Me

I want to talk about something a lot of creators (especially writers) feel but don’t always talk about: getting hard reviews, how they hit, how I see them, and how I survive (and even benefit from) them.

My Experience With Reviews

I’ve been seeing videos on YouTube about harsh reviews (you know, the kind that feel personal or raw) after I started getting my own set of tough feedback. Here’s what I realized:

• I don’t think my reviews are harsh. I think most of them are simply a reader expressing how they felt about something I wrote. They’re not attacking me—they’re reacting to the work.
• That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hit. Because you are connected to the piece you created. When someone says something negative about it, you feel something. The ego stings.
• The super-toxic reviews—ones laced with personal attacks—those I haven’t gotten (thankfully). But I’ve seen them. And I agree: when the critique shifts from the art to the person, it stops being a review and becomes something else.
• In the YouTube telenovela drama realm I saw a discussion about a debut YouTuber-turned-author harsh reviews. The reviewer who gave the ‘harsh’ review got some flack about it. Those that gave her flack about it, said something like, “How dare you be so critical? It’s their first book!” But here’s the thing: yes, be kind. But no—you don’t have to lie. An honest review of a first book is still valid. Because the piece is out there making a promise to the reader, and the reader has a right to evaluate whether it delivered.

https://youtu.be/EobW5qh7V7c?si=tviWrdYbQJzBnhVW

What Research & Industry Say

• According to research, reviews are powerful. One study found that even negative reviews can increase awareness and sales because they signal the book exists. Social Science Computing Cooperative
• Reviews serve as more than just “what the reviewer thought.” They help readers and the market determine whether a book is for them. The Scholarly Kitchen
• The review process matters: good reviews—whether positive or negative—should be civil, anchored in critique of the work, not the person. That’s part of what keeps the ecosystem healthy. AHA

My Takeaways as a Writer

• Separate me from my work. When someone says “This didn’t work for me,” it’s not saying I’m a bad writer. It’s saying the work didn’t land for them.
• Expect honesty. If you’re putting your art into the world, you’re giving others permission to judge it. That doesn’t mean you open yourself up to abuse, but yes—you open yourself up to truth.
• Resources matter, but effort still counts. I realised: authors get different levels of publishing resources (editing, promotion, budget) depending on if they’re self-published, indie, or with a large house. Doesn’t excuse sloppy work, but it contextualises how “first books” vary greatly in polish. Still: your debut deserves your best.
• Growth is real. I’ve watched authors I enjoy look rough in their first book, and then develop leaps by book 4 or 5. The act of finishing, publishing books and I would dare say the feedback they received from editors, writing partners, and reviewers, helped them sharpen.
• Kindness matters — but so does clarity. If you leave a review as a reader: fine to say “I liked this author’s voice but some parts didn’t work for me.” As an author, the reviews I can use are those that are detailed about what exactly they liked or didn’t like. This reviewer told me that they got lost in the first act. While not too specific, it gave me a place to look. So I went through act one to see what the reviewer could have possibly see and I found a few things that I fixed and made the story better.

How I Use Reviews to Get Better

• I check who the reviewer is. Do they tend to like the kinds of books I write? Do they approach reviews with nuance? Their taste may align with mine. If yes → I take their points more seriously.
• I filter what’s useful. If someone simply hated a plot twist and I don’t share their taste, I still reflect: did I execute that twist clearly? Did they miss context? Then decide whether it’s a writing issue or just a preference mismatch.
• I keep building. I don’t let one low rating become the mountain I’m climbing. Instead: “Okay, what can I learn? What feedback keeps popping up? What’s within my control?”
• I defend boundaries. Personal attacks = not critique. If someone says “This author is awful,” that’s personal. If someone says “This book lacked structure / the characters felt flat,” that’s critique. Big difference.

Final Thoughts

Getting reviews that sting is part of being seen. If your work touches people, some will love it, some will not. And that’s okay. I believe in reviews that are honest, fair, respectful—and in using those reviews to get stronger.
So yes: I don’t enjoy the ones that hurt the ego. But I expect them. And I know—they’re not about me. They’re about the piece, how it landed, and how I can move forward with integrity and craft.

Want to see what all the fuss is about?

The Ordinary Bruja: Book One of Las Cerradoras Series – Johanny Ortega

Marisol Espinal has spent her life trying to disappear from her family’s whispers of magic, from the shame of not belonging, from the truth she refuses to face. She’s always wanted to be someone else: confident, capable, extraordinary.

But when strange visions, flickering shadows, and warnings written in her mother’s hand begin to stalk her, Marisol is forced to confront her deepest fear: what if she isn’t extraordinary at all? What if she’s painfully ordinary?

Yet Hallowthorn Hill doesn’t call to just anyone. And the more Marisol resists, the stronger its pull becomes. The past she’s buried claws its way back, and something in the mist is watching—waiting for her to remember.

If Marisol cannot face the truth about who she is and where she comes from, the same darkness that destroyed her ancestors will claim her, too.

Somewhere in the shadows, something knows her name.

And it’s time for Marisol to learn why.

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