Reading (and crying) while reading an article from 2011 about “Religious Trauma Syndrome.” I started deconstructing and formally left Catholicism in 2022. It starts with learning and education.

But now comes the emotional part. I feel lonely and like a kid because I don’t have the coping skills to deal with big emotions like fear.

#ReligiousTraumaSyndrome #RTS #ExCatholic #Deconstruction #ExChristian

Something i’ve learnt in the last two years
is that instead of just having a casual taboo content fetish (although i clearly do like those themes in fiction) i have a tendency to get very aroused/turnt on by anything that makes me a little TOO comfortable
like ill be having the most chill time and will 100% slowly start getting an internal boner from it, listening to vaporwave and chilling out, thinking about the beautiful aspects of christianity that i LIKE, being extremely comfortable and such ahave consistently got me going on multiple occasions (lol)
the most prominent example being my fetish for most of christian culture (ezpecially catholicism and the more "mystic heavenly" side of things)
this doesnt apply to my other religions since i converted OUT of christianity into taoism and shinto but it makes sense since i kinda have a history with christianity on a psychological level, so im very comfortable with it as aopposed to real people (which stress me out sometimes)
i didn't think I had a fetish for it at first but then the same themes kept popping up over and over later in life and it was always extremely hot to me when it did
i felt bad when i realized this since i kinda wanted to get over that religion already but honestly i dont mind at this point and feel a lot more comfortable/ok with it now
I found out last night one of my male headmates ESPECIALLY liked it and was a little more strong with fantasies about it than me lolol, i think its cute and sentimental seeing it internally
as {they} described it as hwrdcore intimacy and i believe {them}
this also made me realize that {they} and another member mighve developed/started developing at age 13 since iwas studying it then at the time and didn't know what a headmate/tulpa/alter was
did and plurality was a highoy foreign concept to me
and i didn't kmow i could have it
if i got into that religion again itd probably be in a VERY specific way
like a mix between zoroastrianism and new testiment stuff without judaism

Vagueposting: I started writing a long multi-toot post about a favourite Christian musician from my youth, who left the church and/or "lost his faith" at the same time as me, but it brought up too many big feelings I just can't get words out right now.

How the fuck do i still have so much religious trauma, when i left the church over 20 years ago? UGGH
#atheist #ExEvangelical #apostate #exchristian