Learning to control my emotions n shit. #dbttherapy

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#dbttherapy I’ve been in traditional therapy since my twenties trying to overcome my childhood. One therapist said ppl w my experience never fill the hole they are left with. My beautiful, extraordinary daughter walked over w my beautiful, extraordinary granddaughter. After they left, I thought ab how I must have been just like my granddaughter when I was a baby and I don’t understand all over again and the gaping hole swallowed me.
#dbtTherapy I finally went to IKEA and I had to use skills. I started getting anxious in the traffic, but I managed to observe it away. IKEA was IKEA. As social distortion put it: my [public place] skills just ran out. We had a drink before going home and now I’m in bed, watching TV. Hard day
#dbtTherapy I think I lost a friend.Before I met my husband, my friends were the desperately unhappy, the other, & the angry. We did the fun stuff that the desperately unhappy, the other, & the angry ppl do.Then, I met my husband & the passion of the pain diminished.My relationships w them fizzled out.
This friend is an angry person & we bonded. She’s a professional, determined woman & believes her anger is her superpower. She’s awesome, smart, & funny. I’m ok now & she’s ghosting me. I miss her
#dbtTherapy Listening to a podcast. Husband went to Home Depot on his own. I feel much better. I might take a nap later. Thank goodness. I feel ok for now and it feels very fragile.
#dbtTherapy I went for the diver’s reflex and took a cold shower and exhausted myself on the treadmill. That’s a really good combination for me. I’m supposed to go to Home Depot with my husband, but I think that’s out. Idk - is this a willingness issue or a self care issue?
#dbtTherapy After my grand declaration yesterday, I woke up feeling bad and at this point I’m in tears. I’m so stressed and I don’t know why. I once heard someone say “I don’t know my own secrets.” I don’t either and it’s hurting.
#dbtTherapy DBTTherapy: next week is the formal end 2 the DBT program. I’m going 2 see one of the trainers once a month going forward. It’s been incredibly hard & painful. I’ve never worked so hard for such high stakes. I’m lucky I’m used to focusing on a goal. What was new were the concepts. I had trouble understanding at first, but once I was farther along, I could see the connections. I will feel shattered & desperate again. No choice in that, but I’m feeling good most of the time now.

#DBTtherapy Last week my therapist solved a prob that my husband & I have been fighting ab 4 years. My husband likes 2 advise me on how 2 fix problems in my areas of expertise. For ex., never having made bread or used a bread machine, he still felt qualified to give me directions.

Therapist: what do you want 2 happen?
Me: I want him 2 shut up & go away.
Therapist: why don’t you ask him 2 please sit down in the living room until you get it sorted out?
Me: head explodes