Why My Door Isn’t Just Locked, It’s Deadbolted

Hey guys, it’s Tina. Grab a coffee—or a glass of wine, I’m not judging—because we need to have a little “state of the union” meeting about my personal space.

You know that feeling when you finally clean out that one junk drawer in your kitchen? The one filled with dead batteries, mystery keys, and soy sauce packets from 2019? You feel lighter, right? Well, I’ve spent the last few months doing that, but with my life. And let me tell you, the “reorganization” is officially complete.

I recently shared a sentiment that I think a lot of us feel but are too “polite” to say out loud: Respectfully, please do not attempt to rekindle anything with me. It’s not beef, it’s closed. The door is closed. 💯

I think there’s this huge misconception that if you aren’t talking to someone, you must be “mad” or “holding a grudge.” People love drama. They want the tea. They want to know who said what and why I’m “beefing” with so-and-so.

But here’s the honest, human truth: I’m too tired for beef. Beef takes energy. Beef requires me to remember why I was annoyed in the first place. Keeping a grudge is like carrying a backpack full of bricks—it’s heavy, it makes your back hurt, and honestly? It’s just not a good look with my outfit.

When I say the door is closed, I’m not slamming it in a fit of rage. I’m closing it gently, turning the deadbolt, and walking away to go take a nap. It’s not about hate; it’s about finality.

We’ve all been there. You get that “Hey, thinking of you!” text at 11:00 PM on a Tuesday from someone you haven’t spoken to in two years. Or the “I saw this and thought of you” meme from the person who treated you like an option instead of a priority.

In the past, I was the Queen of the “Second (and Third, and Fourth) Chance.” I’d think, “Maybe they’ve changed!” or “It’s better to be nice than to be distant.” alert: They usually haven’t changed, and being “nice” to people who drain your battery is just a slow way to go into low-power mode.

Closing the door isn’t mean. It’s maintenance.

• Space is Limited: My life is a VIP lounge now, not a public park. I only have so much emotional bandwidth. If I’m spending time wondering if a “rekindled” friendship is going to blow up in my face again, I’m not spending that time on the people who have been standing by me all along.

• The Peace is Addictive: Once you experience a month of zero drama because you stopped letting “rekindlers” back in, you can’t go back. It’s like switching from dial-up internet to fiber optic. Why would I go back to the lagging and the noise?

• No Hard Feelings, Just No Feelings: This is the part people find hardest to understand. You can forgive someone and still not want to grab lunch with them. I wish everyone the best! I hope they win the lottery. I hope they find their soulmate. I just hope they do it on the other side of that closed door.

If you’re reading this and feeling a little guilty about someone you’ve phased out—don’t. You are allowed to outgrow people. You are allowed to decide that a chapter is finished. You don’t owe anyone an “update” or a “re-entry” just because you used to be close.

Growth is messy, and sometimes growth means realizing that some people were meant to be a season, not a series.

So, to anyone wondering where I’ve been or why I’m not “circling back”: I’m busy enjoying the quiet. The door isn’t just closed; I’ve actually moved the furniture in front of it and decorated the hallway. It looks great in here.

Stay peaceful, stay picky, and keep those doors locked.

Love,

Tina

All trains are at a standstill.

You may want to try to catch a bus home instead.

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