Gum Crime

Gum crime is out of control!

Yesterday there was a large chunk stuck to my shoe.

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #NZComedy #Shoe

Paralympics

One country’s athletes have been banned from Paralympics for doping.

The clue was their diabetic team weren’t in a coma.

#Athletes #AucklandComedy #Comedy #Diabetes #NZComedy #Paralympics

Hedgehogs

Hedgehogs may look cuddly but they are selfish pricks.

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #Hedgehogs #NZComedy

Insomnia

Being an uber geek I still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night wondering about major issues like “Do earthworms have parasites?”

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #EarthWorms #Geek #NZComedy #Parasites

Ghostwriter

So ironic that I’m now DEATH’s ghostwriter.

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #DEATH #GhostWriter #NZComedy

Drug of Choice

Celery. Get addicted to celery.

Gambling, sugar, sex, heroin, tobacco, meth-amphetamine addictions will kill you or ruin your life.

Celery is the answer.

Celery is a pretty harmless thing to be addicted to, just don’t mainline the bloody stuff!

#AucklandComedy #Celery #Comedy #Drugs #NZComedy

Auto Corrupt?

I hate the way autocorrect manages to choose the wrong word.

The price of intelligibility is consonant vigilante.

#AucklandComedy #Autocorrect #Comedy #NZComedy

Airline Food

Airline food’s bad because something has to make hospital food look good.

#Airline #AucklandComedy #Comedy #Food #NZComedy

Ride share

I stopped ride sharing when my car broke down underground.

My mechanic said it was the worst case of carpool tunnel syndrome he’d ever seen.

#AucklandComedy #Cars #Comedy #NZComedy #Rideshare #Tunnel

Moon Landing

I’m sick of the conspiracy nuts claiming NASA faked Flash Gordon’s 1934 Moon landing.

#AucklandComedy #Comedy #ConspiracyTheorists #MoonLanding #NASA #NZComedy